[Hena]

I didn't want to believe it.

I blinked several times, wanting to deny what I had seen.

I hoped I had seen wrong.

It had to be because this blasphemous woman had lost her mind. It would be enough if this was just a bad dream.

I could apologize a thousand times over; I just hoped that when I came to my senses, Young Master would be there, perfectly fine.

But nothing changed.

Young Master was still bleeding profusely, and the wounded Razen was supporting him.

I hated this cruel reality. My throat tightened, making it difficult to speak.

Ugh, ugh. Only after forcing open my constricted throat could something resembling language come from my mouth.

"N-no... Young Master. No. This can't be happening, Young Master!"

Young Master's wound was too deep.

Of all places, his throat had been cut. The precious throat where Young Master Terion's breath passed and his beautiful voice flowed.

How painful it must be. Though he never showed it, he was someone who suffered even from small wounds. He was also someone who feared blood and never looked at his injuries.

I could see Young Master's hands trembling. I wanted to hold them if I could, but I needed to stop the bleeding first.

It felt like the world was turning upside down. The air around me pressed heavily on my breath.

A sense of helplessness rose from deep within me. Ominously.

Did he notice my state? Young Master's hand moved briefly.

Yes. Young Master was still alive. I was finally able to gather my wits.

First, I needed to do what I could.

"Razen. If you can move, could you please call for the Young Lady? She'll be hiding underground. There are bandages and herbs nearby too."

"Yes. I'll be back quickly."

Should I wait until Razen returns?

I couldn't. Every moment was precious now. I needed to tend to Young Master's injuries as quickly as possible.

I tore at my clothes frantically. Fortunately, I managed to make something usable in one go. I immediately wrapped it around the wound on his neck.

Over and over.

Over and over I wrapped and pressed.

Razen and Young Lady returned, and I entrusted Razen to the Young Lady.

Even as bandages were being wrapped around Razen's body, I continued to wipe Young Master's blood and stop the bleeding.

All the while, the bright red blood continued to soak my hands.

No matter how much I wiped, there was no end to it. I needed to somehow stop the wound. But it was too large and deep. Just looking at it made me feel his pain.

Suddenly, a pained groan escaped Young Master's lips.

My heart sank. The air around me felt heavy. I couldn't lift my head.

"The blood, the blood won't stop. No. Young Master... what should I do? Our Young Master. Ugh, hic... sob."

I shouldn't be crying. Tears would only blur my vision.

But I couldn't hold back. Having his blood on my hands felt so sinful that I couldn't bear it.

I wiped my tears, knowing I couldn't treat Young Master like this. The blood on my hands touched my face. It felt as if Young Master's warmth had reached me.

With blood on my hands and face, I had the illusion that I was the one who had killed Young Master.

I'm sorry, Young Master. I'm so sorry.

It should have been me who died instead.

Young Master shouldn't be lying here like this.

Such a fate would be more fitting for a lowly woman like me.

"You must be in so much pain. You must be so scared. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's all my fault... I'm sorry I can't help you."

I wish I could suffer in your place.

Seeing you like this is so painful, it feels like my heart is being torn apart. I wish I could bear your pain for you.

O cruel God, I haven't been one to pray often.

I know I've been an unfaithful believer. So I won't ask for much.

Please, just save Young Master somehow. Whatever the price, I'll gladly pay it.

This body can be crushed a thousand, ten thousand times. I can wander hell eternally in suffering.

If someday Young Master can stand up healthy again, I can do anything.

You didn't do anything when my parents died. You remained silent when I climbed to the mansion window to take my own life.

It was always Young Master who saved me, not God. And now that Young Master is suffering—Young Master who is far more precious than someone like me—

At this rate, Young Master might die.

Please. Please help him.

Anyone, please help Young Master.

Take anything from me, but please don't take Young Master away.

"Young Master, Young Master... ugh, sob. Hnnng..."

Though I didn't want to admit it, I had to.

I was of no help to Young Master right now.

All I knew was how to care for small wounds. I had only been taught to seek help from the nearest soldier or knight when a large wound occurred.

They would ride to bring a priest. Until then, all I could do was wipe away blood with these cloth pieces.

Stupid, foolish woman.

Serving your master your whole life, yet being of no use when your master needs you.

And you dared to speak of love and such things.

I couldn't bear my self-loathing.

My vision blurred again. Tears kept flowing.

Young Master's hand grasped my wrist.

"It's alright, Hena."

How can you say it's alright when you're injured like this?

You would groan in pain every day after returning from training, though you wouldn't admit it in front of Razen because of your pride.

Why won't you say you're in pain now, when you're usually so dramatic about it?

The Young Lady was crying beside us. I cried too.

It felt as if all the sounds in the world had stopped. I could hear nothing but Young Master's voice.

"You can stop now. I don't think I'm going to make it."

Please don't say such things so calmly.

I'm scared that you're going to leave us.

You are my everything. Without you, I have nothing.

"You've tried hard enough, Hena."

"I, I haven't done anything!"

"No one could have done anything. For me, at my end... having you all here is enough."

Young Master was holding my arm. I could feel his grip gradually weakening.

No. Please don't let go.

I truly could have done anything for Young Master.

I buried my love, endured pain, abandoned jealousy, and carved away my own heart.

I could do all that because I could see Young Master. That alone was enough for me to endure.

"Please don't die. I don't want to live in a world without you."

"Hena."

"It's all my fault. Everything is my fault."

"How is this your fault? Don't say such things."

No. It is my fault.

Honestly, I didn't dislike our life here.

I hated that Young Master had to be in a place like this, but that was the only thing I hated.

I was happy preparing Young Master's meals every day and falling asleep in the bed next to his.

I would get excited just thinking about always being with Young Master.

It was similar to a dream I once had. A dream I shouldn't have dared to dream.

I imagined us living together in a small house. Having cute children, occasionally exchanging smiles and glances.

So this must be my punishment.

Because I dreamed such improper dreams.

"I told you not to cry... Ah. It's a bit cold."

"Please, please. No. I can't. Young Master... please."

"I'm sorry. Razen, I'm counting on you for that promise."

"Don't worry and rest. I haven't forgotten the promise."

"Thank you..."

Young Master let go of my hand.

Emotions welled up inside me. I wailed loudly even though Razen and Young Lady were watching.

I cried so much that I didn't even know when I collapsed.

My eyes were swollen and painful.

When I woke up, Young Master was lying peacefully. With his eyes closed. Not breathing.

I was by his side. Razen and Young Lady were nowhere to be seen.

They seemed to have gone somewhere for a while.

Perhaps they went to gather firewood? In the Grand Duchy of Ilensia, they conducted funerals by cremating the body.

Razen could have woken me up despite his injuries. Perhaps I was being shown consideration.

He knew that I loved Young Master. Maybe he wanted to give me time alone with him.

I tidied Young Master's hair.

It was something I always did, but today his hair felt stiff. At times like this, I would make shampoo by mixing water infused with flower petals, olive oil, and egg yolk.

That would quickly make it soft again. He was naturally blessed with good features.

"You know, Young Master. What I said to Razen was true. I loved you, but being able to watch over you was enough. But now I can say it."

His skin was pale, and I couldn't feel any warmth.

Still, it felt like there might be a tiny bit left, so I held him tightly.

"I love you, Young Master."

I said the words I had wanted to say.

"I loved you more than anyone in this world. I loved you knowing it could never be. I'm the one who would replay every word you said to me each night. I would have lived loving you until I died."

It was ironic.

These were the words I most wanted to say, yet why did I have to say them at the moment I least wanted to imagine?

"I still don't want to let you go like this."

A world without you seems too cold.

I want to see your occasionally silly expressions.

Sometimes dignified, sometimes childlike, sometimes mature. Without you showing all these different sides, I cannot go on living.

"I could never be bound to you by love."

But, Young Master.

Do you know?

I still have one last chance to be with you.

"Please wait just a little while."

I'll follow you soon.