“You said you wanted to eat jajangmyeon. Why aren’t you eating it?”
My mom thinks I'm stupid.
“Ouch. Jajangmyeon tastes bad if you don’t cook it. Eat it quickly.”
The warmth of warm Jjajangmyeon, the scent of stir-fried food rising in the air.
My stomach is growling. I want to eat so badly. I can feel my saliva coming out.
But, Aya, you can't eat it.
If you eat this….
“Eat quickly. Okay?”
Because I'm going to break up with my mom.
“Mom. Why are you suddenly buying me jajangmyeon?”
“No, suddenly. Aya has been wanting to eat it for a while, so I was planning on buying it for her today.”
"lie."
Even though I don't have money. Even though I don't have money to buy Aya the robot she likes.
Aya knows everything too. She just pretends not to know.
“Ouch.”
My mother speaks to me in a soft voice as she watches me fiddling with the wooden chopsticks.
“Mom, I’m going out for a bit.”
“Where are you going?”
“I think I need to go somewhere for a while to earn some money.”
“When are you coming?”
Mom's wrinkles are getting longer and longer.
Aya knows everything too.
That's the expression my mom makes when she's thinking about telling a 'lie'.
“Hey, wanna stretch out your fingers?”
I silently opened my hand as my mother said.
My mother's bigger finger covers my little finger.
“I’ll sleep until these fingers are fully extended.”
“So, after you’ve fully extended your fingers… Mom, are you coming back?”
“Of course.”
Mom splits the wooden chopsticks into pieces.
And then, I started mixing the Jjajangmyeon to make it easier for me to eat.
“So, let’s eat before it gets cold. Okay?”
Aya doesn't know.
Why does the world lie?
The Jjajangmyeon was delicious.
and.
Count ten times with your little finger.
Fold and count ten times again with your fingers.
Count ten, one hundred, five hundred, one thousand more times until that finger gets bigger.
Mom didn't come back.
####
“Hey! Don’t touch my Gandam Deathsize Taekwondo Alpha Modified Granzon Mark Two Panel-Mounted Universal Century Version Final Battle Type!”
“The name is too long, I can’t remember it….”
“This is expensive! It’s stronger than your legendary Daganda!”
"Mom said she'd buy me a Kaiser Mode for Christmas. Your liver will die then... Anyway, you'll be stronger than that robot."
“What do you want me to do? Now is the time!”
The boys look at me.
“Aya, you didn’t bring the robot?”
"huh…."
I hurriedly hide my shaky fingers behind my back.
"Aya, you've never brought a robot before. If you keep doing that, I won't let you into the base."
“There’s a robot too….”
"Where is it? The liver I brought last time... Oh, man. The name is too long. Anyway, that robot was borrowed from Daeshik's house too! I know everything about it!"
“No… Aya also has a robot….”
“Then show me! There isn’t any! Bring it!”
I tremble and cover my face with my hands.
and….
Another voice interrupts the boy.
“Hey, you want to act like a kid?”
“It’s not a child!”
“Then don’t be so picky. Like a child.”
“I told you it’s not a child!”
“And you don’t need a robot today, you idiot.”
“Why… why?”
"Today's the day we're supposed to collect insects. It's Thursday! Are you really bad at math?"
“Oh, no!”
“What about the insect net?”
“Oh, I didn’t bring it!”
The voice looks back at me with a kind expression.
“Aya has two insect nets.”
Because insect nets for catching insects are not expensive.
The stationery store owner gave me two because he felt bad for me.
“That… that’s right….”
The rich kid who used to yell at me starts to notice me.
“Hey, apologize properly.”
“Uh… what is that… um… anyway, robots have two arms… and we’re friends….”
"again!"
“Uh… Ouch, sorry!”
And then, those eyes look at me secretly.
“Could you… lend me a bug net?”
“Yeah, it’s okay.”
I hand the child a mosquito net.
“Then! Today we’re going to catch stag beetles!”
“What about the longicorn beetle?”
“I’ve never seen that before….”
“What about the wart?”
“Hey kid! Anyway!”
The kids get noisy. They get rowdy. They get lively.
Summer vacation, when cicadas sing loudly and noisily.
The story of the robot is completely forgotten, as if it never happened.
“Who will Aya go with!”
“Aya….”
I keep my hands together and look around.
But, there is no need to do that.
Because Aya has a knight.
“No matter how good the net is, it’s useless because there’s no collection box.”
“That’s why I told you to come out wearing it around your neck!”
“You do your best. You didn’t even bring a net.”
The kid who spoke to me earlier.
The child who always takes my side reaches out to me.
“Ouch. Let’s go together. I don’t have any money.”
I willingly take that hand.
"huh!"
Only boys play with me.
Girls don't hang out with me because I'm shabby and doll-less.
But, boys often tease me too.
I can't help it. I don't have a transforming robot or a BB gun.
But… it doesn’t matter.
Because, for Aya.
"Let's go to where the acorns fall today! I asked my dad, and he said stag beetles don't live on pine trees, but on trees like oaks and oaks!"
Because I have a big appetite.
####
That day, it rained heavily.
It rained so much that even the cicadas didn't sing.
"This late monsoon season is a highly unusual weather event. The Korea Meteorological Administration has issued a heavy rain advisory for Seoul and northern Gyeonggi Province…."
“Why is it raining so much?”
The lady comes to us holding a nicely cut melon.
“Ouch. Do you want some ice cream too?”
“No, it’s okay.”
I bow my head politely.
"Thank you."
“Oh, he’s so kind.”
The woman seemed to find me peculiar and put a piece of melon in my hand.
"Oh my. You know what? Daeshik, you always talk about you?"
"mom!"
“What about me?”
“Please go out.”
“Well, do you know what Daeshik said? He said Aya was prettier than Sailor Star and Demon Girl Netty….”
“Get out! I’m going to play with Aya!”
“Oh my~ Okay~ Mom is going out.”
The woman giggles and closes the door.
The sound of rain hitting the window.
We were left in the room with a plate of watermelon between us.
“Mom, you talk nonsense!”
Daeshik scratches his head as if he feels embarrassed.
I didn't hate it.
I don't know why my face is turning red and my heart is beating so fast...
Really, I don't know why.
The feeling wasn't bad.
“What are you going to do today? Are you going to build a Lego pirate ship?”
“No, that’s what I mean….”
Today's meal is strange.
He speaks awkwardly, his speech is slow, and his facial expression is different than usual.
“What’s wrong? Did you miss your homework?”
“No, that’s not it. Oh, this is driving me crazy!”
Daeshik, who had been thinking for a while, takes something out from under the desk.
Oh, that's… .
“Hey, you always see this at the stationery store, right?”
The KakaoTalk natives are throwing pirates off the bridge.
This is a really cool Lego set. It's a really expensive Lego set, costing almost 70,000 won.
After school, I would just look at Lego through the stationery store window every day.
This is the Lego I always wanted to have in my dreams.
"that…."
“I’ll give this to you.”
“To me?”
"huh!"
“No. That’s too expensive… Ouch, I can’t afford that….”
“What about money! You idiot, this is a gift!”
"gift?"
“July 7th! Chilseok! The day when Cowherd and Weaver Girl got married!”
“It’s not the day we got married, it’s the day we meet again.”
“Oh, anyway!”
Daeshik hands me a box of Legos with a red face.
"It's a birthday present! July 7th, Chilseok, is your birthday!"
Only then do I look at the calendar hanging on Daeshik's desk.
Daeshik has his own room. Daeshik has his own desk and his own toy display case.
I've never had anything like that, so the calendar on my desk is a strange thing to me.
The date that calendar points to.
Oh, today is my birthday.
“You’re not going to take it? Your hand hurts!”
I quietly accept the box of Legos.
This is the Lego I really wanted. It's a really expensive toy.
What's even more delightful is the fact that the Great Diet has prepared something for me.
Big eater, this for me?
"Hey, you can't give it to anyone. I scraped together all my allowance, including last year's Chuseok and this year's New Year's money, to buy that."
“Never give it to me. I’ll just play with it.”
“Okay. That would be good.”
A heavy silence falls.
Why?
Is it because you bought such an expensive gift?
Uncharacteristic of his usual eater….
"excuse me…."
“Ouch.”
The glutton looks at me with hardened eyes.
“Well, there is that.”
I'm anxious.
My only eye begins to tremble.
I've seen that expression on Daeshik's face before.
That's the face Mom made when she bought Aya something delicious for the last time.
no.
I hate that kind of thing.
“Why is that kid’s eye crossed? And his ear is also one eared! He’s not deformed!”
“He’s your child, how can you say that!”
“Fuck! A freak is a freak! One of his eyes was born with another bastard’s penis!”
“Don’t say that! The kid can hear you!”
“What the heck!”
“Ouch, och!”
I'm startled back into reality.
"huh…."
“My dad is moving to Seoul. He’s a high-ranking official at his company… Oh, what’s that called?”
"promotion."
“Yeah, that’s right! Promotion! As expected, Aya is smart.”
“….”
"So, we're moving to Seoul. Dad has to go to work."
I'm just clutching the box of Legos with trembling hands.
“So, this is a parting gift. And Aya’s birthday gift!”
"no."
“Ouch?”
“I don’t want to accept it.”
“Don’t do that… I’ll come visit you again during the vacation….”
I couldn't stand it.
Why do people lie to me?
“Hey, hey, out of all those Lego dolls, do you know who the strongest one is?”
"I don't know…."
“Don’t do that. Okay?”
I look at Daeshik with tearful eyes.
Daeshik is looking at me with quite a brave expression.
So, I point helplessly to the picture drawn on the box.
“Chief Kaka.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
The big eater takes Captain Silver out of the pirate ship's captain's quarters.
“This is a promise.”
"promise?"
“Chief Kaka and Captain Silver. They each have one.”
I look down at the one-eyed captain doll in silence.
“Later, when we meet again….”
The eyes of the glutton shine.
“We’re going to show this to each other! Got it?”
“See you again…?”
“We’re friends!”
“Yeah, buddy.”
Friends. I like friends.
My only friend Daeshik.
That's why, friends alone weren't enough for me.
For the first time, I realized what I was longing for.
Even though I was still young, I instinctively knew what I was lacking.
So, I have to go to a poor, squinty place.
Opened his mouth.
“I hate friends.”
“Why… there aren’t many people as close as us.”
"marriage."
“Uh… yeah?”
I gripped the Lego box so tightly that it warped.
“When you grow up, get married!”
“… Marriage?”
Daeshik's eyes widen.
“Does Daeshik like me?”
“That’s obvious….”
“I like gluttony too. It’s the best. I love it so much. It’s the best in the world!”
“Hey, Mom, listen… Okay….”
“So, if we meet later and have dolls together.”
There are no tears left now.
I was hugging the Lego box tightly.
Look straight at my knight.
So that one eye is not inferior to two pupils.
Look at me intently.
“Get married!”
“Well… I guess so.”
“Are you serious?”
"Of course! I like you too, Aya! You're even prettier than Sailor Star!"
"lol."
That moment.
For the first time, I learned what ‘happiness’ was.
I came to understand the meaning of ‘hope’.
I also came to know the true weight of the word ‘waiting.’
####
“What the hell are you thinking! You don’t even celebrate your kids’ birthdays!”
“How much does this doll cost? I just picked it up at the station on my way home from work. It probably costs less than five thousand won.”
Grandmother throws the rabbit doll into the trash can.
"What are you looking at! Go into your room! Get out of my sight!"
I bow my head silently and go to the attic.
However, the passengers are already seated.
“Hey, get out. It stinks.”
“It doesn’t smell. I use soap.”
“That’s it. The soap smells disgusting.”
“Well, there’s nothing I can do about it. Aya doesn’t have money to buy anything but soap.”
The two sisters giggle.
“I…then I have nowhere to go….”
“What the hell! You fucking bitch!”
My older sister glares at my chest as if she is resentful.
"What the hell is that? I always steal milk and throw it away, so why is it getting bigger?"
“Sister, don’t be like that. You’ll grow up someday.”
“What? You want to go behind?”
They giggle.
The door to the attic, which serves as a storage room, comic book library, and my room, closes.
The world is vast, everything is beautiful, and the flowers of abundance are in full bloom.
But… I have nowhere to go.
For me, there is no resting place where I can stick a needle.
I don't blame my mother for abandoning me or my father for dying from drinking too much.
Because I was rejected by the world.
####
"Do it right. I'm taking a huge risk by working with brats like you. Regarding the hiring of high school students for part-time jobs these days... But I'm conscientiously going to get a work permit and a work contract..."
The store manager gave a long speech and then walked out.
“Oh, that old fart. I really want to kill him.”
“What’s the point of it, I’m going to get hit by a car anyway.”
“That’s true.”
One of the older sisters who was giggling throws her hat at me.
“Hey, is this your first time working at Burger Queen?”
"yes…."
“Well, it’s nothing special. But the boyfriend frying in the kitchen is a pain.”
“I can hear everything!”
My sister giggles again when she sees her boyfriend in the kitchen.
"We're in charge of the counter and external affairs, so it's not hard. The only hardship is dealing with all the various truths and old farts. Ugh."
“Still, Aya, you’re lucky. On rainy days like today, there are hardly any customers…”
To my horror, customers start to crowd the counter.
“Hey, shit! I told you not to mention the unwritten rules!”
“Fucked. Aya, it’s only the first day, but be prepared… I think today is going to be no joke.”
####
"You don't need a legal representative anymore, do you? You're not a minor. But you'll need money in the future as you enter society…."
“I already found a studio apartment. I’ve been working part-time since high school.”
“Oh my, how wonderful. We have to get rid of it. How can we be so wonderful?”
My grandfather's eyes sparkle brightly.
“Still, you need pocket money and things like that, right? Don’t you?”
“….”
“I’m going to retire soon anyway, so all I have left is money… Let’s see….”
Ten crumpled ten-thousand-won bills.
My uncle, clutching the money in his hand.
Look at my chest and your mouth will water.
“Ouch? Should I hit you?”
I closed the door and walked out into the world.
To this extent, I am not hurt.
The world is originally like that.
"Oh, Park Aya. You look so gloomy today. Should I introduce you to your boyfriend?"
"are you okay."
“Oh my, your future husband must be nice.”
My sister gently grabbed my chest.
“Sister!”
"So what? Anyway, this is truly a national treasure. Oh, what a shame. Our Aya, rotting away here."
“But, I like Miyeon better!”
“That person.”
In the kitchen, my sister's boyfriend raises his voice.
My sister snickers, but her expression doesn't show any displeasure.
“What can I do, it’s a shame. It’s over next week.”
This Burger Queen will also be closed next week.
Because Piero's Secret Burger Shop across the street is so popular.
A beggar who lost in the competition.
“Still, it’s the rainy season this week. There won’t be many customers….”
Jangle jangle. The sound of a door opening.
“You d*ck! I told you not to say that!”
"this…."
And again, customers start to pour in.
The now familiar business of working at a hamburger restaurant.
I quickly put on my uniform and hat, and greet the guests with a capitalist smile.
“Welcome. This is Burger Queen. Your order is….”
"uh…."
"Ahhh! The number 3 ordering machine is broken! I have to do it manually! I have to hit it! Hey!"
It felt like time had stopped.
Somehow tanned skin, blonde hair, and awkwardly placed piercings on both sides.
On that rainy day, I was reunited.
My childhood friend.
My first love.
Yoon Dae-sik.