I know this too.
Words spoken in anger probably don't sound very pleasant to people.
But those who climb the Tower tend to live with anger burning in one corner of their hearts.
...Actually, that's just an excuse.
When I said it, I blurted it out in the heat of the moment, but deep down I'm afraid.
Afraid that people might get sick of me after hearing such things.
Nobody wants to hear harsh, thorny words.
Right now, the criticism is being directed at the person who asked the question, not me.
Comments like "Why would you ask something like that?" or "Why did you have to bring up her trauma?" That sort of thing.
Even though I'm perfectly fine.
If anything, I just don't want to keep dwelling on it.
Still, nobody anywhere likes hearing negative things.
For now, people might comfort me out of pity, thinking they should do something good.
But sympathy stems from discomfort.
It comes from social creatures empathizing with others' misfortunes, thinking, "I'd really hate to be in that situation."
Regardless of motivation or good intentions.
In the end, whether it's sadness, anger, or despair, those who receive these emotions end up shouldering discomfort that isn't their own.
So it wouldn't be surprising if viewers who heard such things never came back.
That's not wrong. It's just natural.
They took time out of their day to watch my League of Champions broadcast for entertainment or to gain something.
But if it just makes them uncomfortable, why would they watch?
So I typed in the chat:
- Noel: No personal questions
- Noel: Game-related talk only
- EnergyGathering: What, we can't ask questions out of curiosity?
- RippedApart: She said not to
- EnergyGathering: If you're using your disability for attention, you should at least satisfy our curiosity
- EnergyGathering: Honestly, I'm not the only one wondering lol
- EnergyGathering: So what's the reason for your eye and foot disability?
What's this?
I definitely answered this earlier, so why are they asking again?
Did my response get buried under the flood of viewer comments?
Curious, I scrolled through numerous insults with my mouse wheel, looking around where the question about my disability was asked.
For some reason, I couldn't see my chat message.
That's when I realized.
I hadn't typed my response in chat—I'd spoken it aloud.
I was so heated that I did it without realizing, but this was actually a fortunate mistake.
If I had shared such useless stories with viewers, they would have all left.
I should avoid talking about these things in the future.
With a microphone, even muttering to myself could cause problems, so I need to think twice before opening my mouth.
With that in mind, I blocked the viewer who kept bringing up different topics, then warned the other viewers.
- Noel: You all came to watch my gameplay, right?
- Noel: Casual conversation is fine, but I'll kick anyone who asks about personal matters
- IDWdanya: What, we can't even ask about your height?
- Noel: I was 144cm at my last medical checkup...
- MosquitoExterminator: It's "nongㅋㅋreu"...
- RedGlassesWearing: Nooongㅋㅋreu
I thought asking about height would be okay, so I answered, but suddenly viewers started teasing me about the nickname I had misspelled.
Who knew that hastily creating an ID for the League of Champions community would come back to haunt me like this?
I regret rushing through it without phone verification.
Thankfully, the viewers moved on with jokes and kept the atmosphere light.
The problem was Celesti's moist voice coming from behind me.
"Noel... So that was the reason..."
"Ah."
Viewers might part ways when the broadcast ends.
But I'm face-to-face with Celesti right now.
It would be rude to just brush her off and leave after hearing such an awful story.
Kind-hearted Celesti couldn't do that either, so she just whimpered, not knowing what to do.
So I had to speak first.
"Oh, it's nothing now. You don't need to worry about it."
"...I understand. Are you really okay?"
"Yes. I'll have a wheelchair in a few days. It's all thanks to you. Without you, things wouldn't have worked out like this. Anyway, please just forget what I said earlier."
Since our relationship began for mutual benefit, I decided to hold back on expressing too much gratitude.
Still, I was genuinely thankful.
If not for Celesti, I wouldn't have gotten to eat pizza.
But Celesti still looked troubled even after hearing me.
"Noel. I can't just forget it... because other people heard it through my broadcast."
"Ah."
That's true.
Celesti was also streaming.
I couldn't ask her to turn it off since I was streaming too.
Broadcasting is her profession after all.
So the damage was already done.
Thinking about how to handle this, I realized this might be a different situation.
"Well, it's all in the past now. Just tell everyone they don't need to worry about it."
Unlike viewers who came to my broadcast, this was Celesti's stream.
She just happened to visit me and witnessed something unfortunate, but I wouldn't be appearing on her broadcast again, so our respective viewers wouldn't leave.
It's not a big deal.
"If you're uncomfortable, I'll tell everyone not to mention it."
"No, I'm not uncomfortable. It's just not something worth talking about."
No matter what I said, Celesti seemed determined to be serious and troubled about what I had said.
The way she firmly typed with her thumbs on her phone looked quite resolute.
This is exactly the atmosphere I dislike.
It's really nothing, so why is everyone getting uncomfortable about it?
The bad one is my father who made my foot like this, not me or Celesti.
Seeing how Celesti was trying to take responsibility and feeling uncomfortable, I decided to politely ask her to leave.
At least then she could escape the discomfort she hadn't intended.
"Hmm, I'm pretty tired from going out today. It's almost my bedtime, so I'll prepare to end the stream. I'll just chat with viewers for a bit."
"G-going to sleep? It's only three in the afternoon?"
"I usually sleep around this time."
If I insist I'm going to sleep, that should be reason enough.
I don't have a fixed sleep schedule anyway.
Some days I stay up all night gaming and fall asleep at dawn.
Some days I keep playing until past noon, determined to win just one game before collapsing.
Some nights I wake up to play a game, then feel tired and go back to sleep.
Since I'm on academic leave with no regular commitments, my lifestyle is all over the place.
"Oh, then I've been keeping you up during your sleep time... You must be very tired."
"No, it's fine. Sometimes I sleep as late as four."
Since that was my actual reasoning, I could say it confidently.
This should be enough to stop Celesti from feeling sorry, which is good.
Thanks to that, Celesti seemed relieved and smiled slightly as she waved.
"Then I'll be going now. Let me know when your welfare card arrives. I'll help you go shopping for a wheelchair."
"Thank you for offering. Take care."
"Oh, you don't need to see me out."
"Alright then."
With that, Celesti left my room and quietly exited the house.
The door opened, and the sound of low-heeled shoes—somewhere between a click and a thud—faded away.
Then the electronic beeping of the door locking.
At least she locked up properly when she left.
When reporters came before, they never did that.
Only after Celesti had left did I notice a slightly sweet and tangy lingering scent.
I hadn't noticed it while she was here, so why now?
Ah, maybe it's because I'm tired.
The sense of smell easily fatigues and can become dull depending on a person's condition.
Then, being in my familiar space and doing familiar activities, my energy recovered a bit.
That's when I finally noticed Celesti's scent.
Even though my energy had recovered, I had no intention of staying awake longer.
Still, ending the broadcast without saying goodbye would be rude to the viewers who came to watch.
- Noel: It's almost my bedtime so I'll stop gaming here
- Noel: Since this is my first broadcast, let's take some questions
- Noel: Like about champion pool or things like that
To wrap up the broadcast and establish my channel's identity, I threw out some bait.
Viewers immediately took it.
[Donation message from JealousyBomber]
I noticed you mainly play Fiora and Jackson.
I'm curious about who your main champions are and why you chose them.
But the method was something I hadn't expected.
They could have just asked in the chat.
Why make a donation to ask this...?