The weekend I hoped wouldn't come arrived in a flash.
I had to meet Shi-hyun-nim, so I restrained myself these past few days, even when stressed.
I've been having happy time so often that it feels weird not to now. I don't know what I'm going to do about this.
I can't live without seeing Shi-hyun-nim forever, so I felt the need to restrain myself in the future too.
*
I headed to the studio on time for the appointment.
When I arrived at the studio, everyone except me was already there, and I was the last to arrive.
No, it's definitely not that I was late. The others were just too early.
The makeup team and Yu-mi-ra greeted me when I arrived.
,"Wow, is this the female model for today?"
,"Not bad, right?"
,"I thought it would be hard to find someone to stand next to the male model unless it was someone like the director."
I felt a little embarrassed by the makeup team's compliments.
The expression of the staff member who was examining me changed slightly.
,"There are some scars on your face?"
,"Ah, I got them while living as a Hunter..."
,"Oh, don't worry. They're light scars, so they won't show with makeup."
Before changing clothes, they started with makeup and hair styling.
I had learned the basics, but the number of tools and the variety of cosmetics were overwhelmingly greater.
After more than 20 minutes of makeup and hair styling, my face looked so natural that it seemed like I hadn't put on any makeup at all.
It was truly an exquisite makeup technique.
Is this me?
,"First, bring out all the clothes that match this makeup!"
The movements of the person presumed to be from the wardrobe team became busy.
,"Let's start with this!"
Once the outfit was decided, I was dragged into the fitting room and stripped of my clothes by the women of the wardrobe team, shashak.
,"Hiek!"
I was honestly a little scared by their energy, but the wardrobe team didn't pay any attention to me and just did their job.
I started changing clothes in response to their requests.
When I looked in the mirror after changing, I saw a different me.
I had tried wearing pretty clothes and putting on makeup myself, but this was much prettier.
Is this what a real coordinated look is? It was amazing.
,"Wow, nice."
After changing clothes, I went to the photo studio.
Shi-hyun-nim was already there, taking pictures.
Shi-hyun-nim, whom I hadn't seen in a while, was different, so very different.
His hairstyle was different from usual. He had parted and styled his bangs up, which he always kept down, giving him a noble-like style, and his features looked more defined than usual, as if he had makeup on.
On top of that, he was wearing clothes that suited him well for the shoot, so he looked much better than when he wore his usual casual clothes.
In a word, he was awesome.
His already handsome looks were creating a synergy, shining even brighter.
,"Uh, uh?"
As I took in Shi-hyun-nim's appearance, my heart started beating faster.
I closed my eyes and took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm down.
Why am I like this?
Could it be because I saw Shi-hyun-nim?
As I repeated the deep breaths, my heart started to return to normal.
Just when I thought I had calmed down, I opened my eyes and Shi-hyun-nim was right in front of me.
,"You're here?"
,"Higyak!"
I saw Shi-hyun-nim's face in such a dazzling state and just collapsed.
My legs gave out, and they were trembling.
What an embarrassment, with everyone watching.
,"Are you okay!?"
Shi-hyun-nim was looking down at me with concern, but that only confused me more.
As Shi-hyun-nim's face got closer, my heart, which had been calming down, started beating faster again.
,"Get away."
I tried my best not to look at Shi-hyun-nim for the time being.
,"Why? Do you not want to see me anymore?"
Shi-hyun-nim's words, spoken in a pitiful voice, made my heart sink.
It felt like I had done something wrong. Why am I like this?
,"Ah, come on! Get away!"
I turned my body and stood up on my trembling legs.
,"Let's talk after the shoot."
I caught a glimpse of Shi-hyun-nim's shocked expression, but I ignored it for now.
Right now, Shi-hyun-nim was too harmful to my heart.
Standing in the studio, I fulfilled my role as a subject, striking various poses at the photographer's request.
When the photo shoot was over, I immediately changed into the next outfit and changed my style.
In the meantime, Shi-hyun-nim, who had changed clothes, was taking pictures.
We took turns taking pictures like that and started to work busily.
After about 3 hours, it was lunchtime, and we were given a break.
,"Can we talk now?"
It was Shi-hyun-nim.
He looked desperate.
Was this guy always like this? It was a side of him I had never seen before.
,"Yeah, how have you been?"
Shi-hyun-nim was fidgeting. He wasn't usually like this. Did he change this much in a month?
,"Su-yeon-a, why did you keep refusing to meet me?"
,"That? I felt sorry for your girlfriend, and it was hard to go to Gates alone."
I knew this question would come up, so I had prepared an answer in advance.
,"Really? It must have been tough. Should we start going together again now?"
It didn't seem like the Shi-hyun-nim I knew. He was usually considerate and kind, but this was a different kind of kindness.
It was like he was trying to persuade me.
,"No."
,"And I don't have a girlfriend."
Huh? He doesn't have a girlfriend? There was a part of me that was a little happy to hear that, but that didn't change anything. At least for a while, I intended to try harder.
,"I know that, but I'm going to keep trying for a while."
,"I see."
Seeing Shi-hyun-nim looking dejected, why does my heart ache so much? It felt like I had done something wrong, and I wanted to take back what I had just said.
,"Pfft, the situation has become funny, hasn't it?"
Yu-mi-ra?
,"What? Are you picking a fight?"
Yu-mi-ra kept laughing, as if she was enjoying something.
,"How pathetic, Seong Shi-hyun-ssi throwing himself into the fiery pits of hell."
What is she talking about?
,"Shoo, shoo."
I gestured for Yu-mi-ra to leave.
,"Well, it might take a long time."
I couldn't understand what those two were saying at all. What did she mean by taking a long view, and what fiery pit was he throwing himself into?
Our conversation ended there, and lunch was a simple boxed meal.
,"It's been a while since we've eaten together."
It was the first time I had been apart from Shi-hyun-nim for more than a month.
No matter how busy he was, Shi-hyun-nim would suggest meeting up for a quick errand about once every two weeks. This was the first time it had been over a month.
It probably would have been longer if it hadn't been for Yu-mi-ra's suggestion.
,"Su-yeon-a, I'm going to ask you honestly, what's the reason you're trying so hard to stay away from me?"
He's asking a sensitive question again.
The reason, the reason....
There's only one. It's because I realized that I can't be with Shi-hyun-nim forever.
,"Shi-hyun-nim, you have your own life too. I can't be by your side forever."
,"I'm okay with it."
,"I'm not."
Shi-hyun-nim looked dejected at my words.
Why is he being like this? Weren't stoicism and bluntness his default?
For his emotions to be expressed so strongly, something must be going on.
,"Is something bothering you?"
I felt awkward and worried about my friend, who had changed in a month.
Is it because he's dressed well? Even Shi-hyun-nim sighing looked cool.
,"Yeah, there is."
,"Then tell me. I'll give you advice."
,"Sorry, but it's something I can't talk to you about."
I felt a pang in my heart at Shi-hyun-nim's refusal.
Come to think of it, when have I ever given Shi-hyun-nim a reason to trust me enough to confide in me?
I may not have given him a reason to trust me, but to have a problem that he can't even confide in me, his friend, I couldn't help but feel dejected.
A problem that you can't even tell your close friend....
It must be a very serious problem.
The atmosphere suddenly became awkward, and we fell silent.
In situations like this, Shi-hyun-nim usually changed the atmosphere first, but today Shi-hyun-nim didn't say anything.
We started to read each other's faces for over 30 minutes.
We couldn't talk until lunchtime was over, and it was time to go back to modeling.
While I was modeling in the afternoon, a different order came in.
,"Okay, now we're going to take pictures like a couple."
Not a solo shot, but a two-shot. And I have to pretend to be a couple?
I took a deep breath.
Haven't we been mistaken for a couple often? It's no different from that.
There's no need to be nervous.
,"Okay, now the man should hold the woman's hand."
I changed poses here and there at the photographer's enthusiastic orders, but I was embarrassed by the amount of physical contact.
I could see that Shi-hyun-nim was also embarrassed.
Doing this somehow reminded me of the times we used to hang out a few months ago.
Like when we went to the amusement park.
,"You guys look a little stiff, loosen up your expressions!"
I happened to be recalling those memories at that moment, so I was able to smile naturally, remembering the fun memories and feelings.
Shi-hyun-nim, who was looking at me, had a slightly surprised expression and was smiling faintly.
That smile was more beautiful than any I had ever seen.
For some reason, everyone was quiet, and only the sound of the camera shutter could be heard.
The next outfit I wore was a couple look.
We were pretending to be a couple earlier, so what's the big deal?
But when I stood next to Shi-hyun-nim wearing the couple look, I felt embarrassed.
,"Get closer!"
Get closer? Since I'm getting paid, I have to do my best.
,"Okay, blow, Shi-hyun-nim."
Shi-hyun-nim's movements were slow.
He was too conscious of our bodies touching, and he was too focused on adjusting the distance.
,"It's okay, just stick close."
,"Hey, do you have no shame?"
,"We're getting paid for this, is this the time to worry about that?"
Shi-hyun-nim sighed and then stuck close. It's a little embarrassing, but it's work.
,"Nice, nice!"
Several orders followed, and the shoot continued.
All the shooting ended at 5 p.m.
,"It's a shame we couldn't do an outdoor shoot. Good work, everyone."
Honestly, my body was a little stiff. The expression issue was somewhat overlooked because I wasn't a professional actor, but they were strict about checking the poses.
When I finished removing my makeup and changing clothes, Yu-mi-ra and Shi-hyun-nim were talking.
From a distance, it looked like Shi-hyun-nim was getting annoyed with Yu-mi-ra, and Yu-mi-ra was laughing at him.
I was watching that from a distance when Yu-mi-ra suddenly approached me.
,"Jeong Su-yeon, how do you want to receive the money?"
,"Huh? Bank account?"
I immediately told her the account number of our jointly-owned bank account.
,"Su-yeon-a, is it okay to put the money in there?"
,"Huh? Why? We need to save money."
Shi-hyun-nim looked at me strangely.
,"Weren't you not going to hang out with me?"
,"That's true for now, but you never know what might happen in the future. And it's not like you're going to spend all the money there recklessly."
Shi-hyun-nim was smiling faintly at my words.
Yu-mi-ra slapped Shi-hyun-nim on the back.
,"Do your best."
,"Yeah, thanks."
They must have talked about something I don't know about while they were talking earlier.
,"Su-yeon-a, want to grab a drink together for the first time in a while?"
A drink... I would have said yes without hesitation in the past, but for some reason, I felt like I shouldn't drink today.
Something, something felt like an accident would happen if I went out for a drink.
And I had something scheduled for tomorrow that I had booked in advance.
,"Sorry, I have plans tomorrow, so I'm going to go home early and rest today."
Shi-hyun-nim, who had been dejected by my refusal, offered to drive me home.
I refused that too, and when I refused even that, Shi-hyun-nim dropped his shoulders and looked depressed.
My heart stung and ached, but I endured it.
I was afraid that I would rely on Shi-hyun-nim's kindness again.
More than that, where did the Shi-hyun-nim I knew go?
He used to be stoic, indifferent, and not good at expressing his emotions?