Chapter 67: Am I a Nuisance?

“Ha… the air’s really nice. It’d probably be even better to sit here in the spring.”

The dark purple sky was dotted with a few brilliant stars. The clouds were thin, allowing the night sky to shine through beautifully.

I was sitting on a stone bench under a tree with Gu Fan. Next to the bench was a round streetlamp. Its orange light bathed our little area in a warm glow, yet didn’t interfere with our view of the sky above.

There was a newly built village in the suburbs here, and it came with a small park. We discovered it this afternoon on the way to church. We didn’t talk about it at the time, but I could tell we were both thinking the same thing: we should come back and sit here sometime.

I held the hangover tea Gu Fan had bought for me, sipping it now and then through the straw. The rich tea flavor helped suppress the slight nausea in my throat.

Most of the alcohol had worn off, but the drowsiness had only increased. Half-squinting, I swung my legs idly back and forth. The flickering shadow beneath me, cast by the light, somehow helped keep the sleepiness at bay for now.

I wanted to keep talking with Gu Fan. I didn’t want to just go home and sleep like this. After today… I might not have the courage to face him again. I’d already used up all my bravery.

Lately, I’d been doing a lot of online research about how to communicate with someone you’ve been close to since childhood.

There were all kinds of suggested ways to fix a broken relationship: persistence, direct apology, doing things the other person likes…

But for me, only the last one seemed remotely possible. The first two? I couldn’t even imagine it.

In the comment sections, there were others like me who couldn’t bring themselves to apologize directly—and they got ridiculed for it.

People would say things like, ‘What’s so hard about it? Just bow your head and sincerely apologize—it’s that simple’.

Yeah, it really should be simple… but I just can’t do it.

Sometimes, when I’m with Gu Fan, I feel like I’m mute. I’ve already run through all the things I want to say in my head, made sure they’re fine—but when I go to speak, the words just don’t come out. I stammer, and when he urges me to talk, my mouth won’t even open.

I can’t really explain why. I just know that in the moment I want to express myself, a tangle of emotions—like they’ve sensed what’s coming—rises up and clogs my throat. I can’t make a sound. I’m left there with my mouth open, frozen, heart pounding, and even my breathing comes to a halt.

Thinking about it now, maybe that’s another reason why I drank tonight—because I hoped the alcohol would give me a chance to release my worries and confusion in front of Gu Fan.

“…Gu Fan, how’s your health these days?”

I didn’t know what the best thing to say was, so I started with something light. That said, I was genuinely concerned about his health.

“No symptoms lately. Ever since I ran into you last month, everything’s been fine. I guess I’m back to being a normal person.”

Huh? Since meeting me…? Is that true? Or is he just saying it to make me feel better? Or maybe the time-traveling had some side effect that made him stop getting sick?

A rush of questions popped up in my head.

I pressed my lips together, and my feet stopped swinging as I focused on thinking.

“Then… after recovering, did you start thinking about anything in particular?”

There was a lot I wanted to ask. But most urgently, I wanted to know how Gu Fan viewed his life now that he was well again.

I’d heard before that when someone goes through something big—big enough to change their fate—it can change their whole personality.

I was scared that now that he was healthy, he’d leave me behind. So I wanted to test the waters a little.

“Thoughts? Maybe… just to spend more time with the people I care about. When I was sick, I didn’t really care about anything. But now that I feel better, I’m a lot more proactive.”

“Then… who are the people you care about, in your eyes?”

As soon as I asked that, I felt Gu Fan’s gaze on me. I kept my eyes fixed on my toes, afraid he’d see through my feelings. I let him study my face from the side.

“You really want to know?”

Come on… don’t tease me like this. He knows I want to know, but still dangles the answer like that.

I stomped my foot in frustration—not saying anything, not even giving a hint with my eyes—just using my body language to show how annoyed I was.

The park was completely silent. No birds, no insects. It was late, and this newly built village didn’t have any elderly people around taking evening strolls.

That’s why I clearly heard Gu Fan shift beside me. The narrow bench made his arm brush against mine—he must have been adjusting his posture.

“There aren’t many people I care about. But you’re one of them, Zhi Nian.”

Was he just trying to cheer me up? Or did he really mean it? I turned my gaze toward him. The faint smile on his lips masked all other emotions—like a mask called “kindness.”

If I could… I wanted to rip that mask off with my own hands and see the raw, unguarded expression underneath…

“Do I really matter to you? Can you stop always smiling at me so gently, Gu Fan? I want you to show me—truly show me—with something more real, more powerful… that I matter to you.”

Those kinds of intense words—normally, I wouldn’t even dare think them, let alone say them. I was always afraid that if I let my guard down, I’d accidentally blurt them out.

But this time was different. The warmth of the alcohol still flowed through me, and my heart beat hard enough to shove away all the dark, hesitating thoughts that usually held me back. So I said what was really on my mind.

But Gu Fan’s reaction was completely different from what I’d hoped for. He looked… upset? His usual gentle smile cracked, and for a moment, it was like a faint red mist floated from his eyes. The amber hue of his pupils lost their usual soft glow.

Startled, I rubbed my eyes. But when I looked again, Gu Fan’s expression had returned to normal—like I’d just imagined it all.

He leaned back against the bench and stopped looking at me. His gaze was fixed on the exercise equipment in the distance. His thin lips moved a little before he finally spoke:

“I just want to ask one thing. When exactly did I commit some unforgivable sin?”

So many times, I thought. That answer almost slipped out before I bit my lip to hold it back.

I lowered my eyes, picking at my fingernails as I tried to understand what he meant.

Looking back on everything since I time-traveled to this world and all the moments we’d shared—if I’m being objective, I guess… Gu Fan hadn’t really done anything wrong…?

Wait, no. There was something important he never told me.

“Gu Fan, tomorrow’s your birthday party, right? Why did you invite classmates you’re not even that close to—but not me, your childhood friend? Was it because… you think I’d just be a bother if I came?”