Icarus, in his longing for the unknown, flew too close to the sun, his wax wings melting, sending him plummeting to his death.
I, too, coveted what was not meant for me, and suffered a similar fate. Just as Icarus was consumed by the allure of the unknown, I was blinded by the promise of emotions, oblivious to the consequences.
I aided the kingdom, slaying magical beasts and greedy men, helping to establish the Empire. It wasn’t my will, but the will of the god. Yet, the people showered me and the king, now emperor, with praise and adoration.
I didn’t understand, but I let it be.
Without a command to return, I remained on earth, by the emperor’s side.
I witnessed many things: the empress whispering sweet nothings to the emperor, noblewomen vying for the prince’s attention, knights looking at me with unreadable eyes, and nobles whose intentions remained hidden.
Unable to understand them, I remained an outsider. I continued slaying magical beasts, countless numbers.
Was that my mistake? I was sent to the North. At the time, I hadn’t thought much of it, but now I suspect it was a way to keep me in check.
My prowess against magical beasts had made me too popular among the common folk. I didn’t care where I was, so I readily accepted. The task of developing the barren northern lands held no meaning for me.
Many followed me to the North, drawn by the promise of power and glory. Some, driven by emotion, followed me for personal reasons. The only one who remained in my memory was the princess, now empress.
Emotions often led humans to make irrational choices. The empress was a prime example.
She could have remained in the capital, living a life of comfort. There was no reason for her to follow me to the harsh North. I had saved her once, but that was it. She simply… kept seeking me out.
An inexplicable, irrational choice.
One might call it the life of a Grand Duchess, but in that barren land, it was an empty title. I knew, intellectually, that the look in her eyes was love. I had seen it before. I couldn’t feel it, but I wasn’t foolish.
I couldn’t reciprocate her love. I could mimic it, but she always saw through the facade, offering a bittersweet smile. Her red eyes would soften as she reassured me that someday, I would understand.
But I never did, not until she died. The child she bore, infused with a fragment of my power, wept at her funeral. I could only stroke its head.
Once the North had become somewhat habitable and the child was old enough to understand, I retreated to the mountains.
I thought I had served my purpose. But still, there was no command to return.
As I spent my days idly in the mountains, people resembling her would visit, their eyes mirroring hers, asking for guidance. I taught them.
They began visiting regularly, building a dwelling and furnishing it for me, saying it was for their own benefit if I refused to accept it for myself.
I was drawn to the books they brought, stories she used to tell, now depicted in words and pictures. I read them repeatedly, but I never understood.
Looking back, perhaps I could have, if I had tried harder. I know now that I was unconsciously acting on those emotions, even then.
But I didn’t know it then.
Perhaps if I had remained in the capital, I would have understood. But in my ignorance, I made the worst possible choice. Perhaps I believed the lack of a summons was because I hadn’t overcome my flaw.
[I’ll protect it until Master returns!]
“Yes,” I replied, leaving my faithful sword behind, perhaps out of concern for its loneliness. Returning to the snowy mountains, I left a note saying I would be away for a while, then sealed myself within the ice, created from my own divine power. My soul departed.
The emotions I had craved were now sharp thorns piercing my heart. I felt like my soul was being torn apart. Blinded by emotions, I had abandoned my duty. A fitting punishment.
Even before I could feel emotions, my choices were already influenced by them. They were never meant for me. That’s what I believed.
And yet, I couldn’t let go of those painful, agonizing, yet sweet memories. I now understood the thoughts and feelings of those I had deemed irrational.
Iris’s face surfaced in my mind, the girl who resembled her so strongly. The shameful desire to return consumed me.
Iris wasn’t her.
‘Was I… using Iris as a substitute?’
‘Was that the emotion that emerged from my unconscious…?’ My thoughts were a tangled mess. I felt unworthy, yet I longed to see Iris. Emotions were truly paradoxical.
I sank deeper into the darkness, red eyes shimmering in the abyss.
Knock, knock.
I opened my eyes. Someone was at the door. Probably just passing by. Who would come looking for me?
“Is this the right place!?”
“Yes.”
I listened to the voices outside, my face buried in my knees. Then, a loud crash. The door splintered. Another crash as it hit the floor. I couldn’t help but look up.
A familiar face.
“How… did you get here?”
Before I could process the sight, I was enveloped in a hug. A small girl.
“Azot…?”
“Master! You finally recognize me!”
“I… do.”
“I’m so happy…”
The girl nuzzled her face against me. I felt a pang of pity and guilt. I instinctively stroked her head. She beamed. Then, I heard Amelia’s voice.
“Sorry to interrupt this touching reunion.”
Our eyes met. I noticed the strange glint in her golden eyes. A voice I had longed to hear echoed faintly from a distant memory.
Unspoken words clogged my throat. My eyes, which had been leaking like a faulty faucet, welled up again.
“Old hag! What have you done?!” Azot cried.
“I’m sorry. For not understanding. I thought you would be fine. But I didn’t realize… how fragile your heart was…”
I hadn’t been waiting for a summons. I recognized this feeling.
Longing.
‘…I don’t understand. These emotions are still new.’
“I know you have a lot to say, but we should deal with the current situation first,” the woman in Amelia’s body said.
“Situation…? How did you even get here?”
‘Did I not return? Or did you come to me?’
“This is Master’s… inside!” Azot explained.
“Huh?”
“I told you to be careful with your wording!” the other voice scolded.
A wave of dizziness hit me, but my confusion was stronger.
“So I… didn’t return to Earth?”
“No. Explanations later. We have to leave, now.”
“Is that… allowed?”
I wasn’t sure why I said that. My mind was a chaotic jumble of long-forgotten memories and my experiences as a human. Perhaps I was afraid. Afraid of confronting my true feelings under the guise of facing punishment. Afraid of the possibility that I had unconsciously used Iris as a replacement.
“Now’s not the—”
The woman in Amelia’s body stopped mid-sentence, a troubled expression on her face. Then, she sighed and nodded.
“Hey!” she called out.
“Yes?”
Her eyes reflected my changed appearance, rabbit-like ears and a mix of gold and blue in my eyes.
“Do you know what’s happening outside?” she asked.
“I… fainted?”
It seemed like the real Amelia. She thumped her chest in frustration.
“The Grand Duchess you adore is about to die because of you! And you’re just sitting here?! And you’re going to take responsibility for doing this to me!”
I tried to process her rapid-fire words, but all I heard was that Iris was in danger. Amelia’s eye color returned to normal, and her expression softened.
“How do I get out of here?” I asked urgently.
That was the most pressing issue. I stamped my foot impatiently. Azot, clinging to my waist, swayed precariously.