If You Fuck Two Birds at Once (1)

The letter was quite plain.
It detailed what kind of curse the Hero had fallen under, why she had no choice but to leave them, and so on.
It was nothing more than a dry narration of the circumstances I had already heard.

"...Ariel-nim."
"Ah, how much she must have suffered."

However, the former comrades who received the letter, Minerva-nim and Lumine-nim, could not hold back their tears.
It was only natural, as the handwriting became increasingly blurred by tears toward the end of the letter.
The Hero had been more sorrowful when apologizing to them than when confessing her own pain.
The two of them were not oblivious to those feelings.

"...This idiot, did she really think we'd believe her if she said 'I'm fine' after all this?"
"It's just like the Hero-nim. I don't know whether to say she hasn't changed at all, or that she's changed completely."

The Hero party duo wiped away their tears.
Then, they folded the letter neatly and tucked it into their bosoms, treasuring it dearly.
Soon, their moist eyes turned toward me.

"Huu... First of all, I'll express my gratitude, Lee Hyun-nim."
"Hey, it's nothing much."
"Right. But you know? Come here for a second."
"Yes? What is it... Waaagh!!?"

Teo-eop.

Minerva-nim squeezed my balls tightly.
She didn't put enough strength into her hand to cause pain, but the sudden shock made a scream escape my lips.

"Wha-what are you doing...?"
"You really were with our Hero just now, weren't you! No wonder that old man was lying so blatantly!"
"...Ah."

Come to think of it, she would have noticed.
The Hero-nim and I are special cases, but the hot spring owner, a mere layperson, was an exception.
She must have used her blessing to figure out if he was lying.

"I roughly played along when she suddenly brought up the Hero, but! If this was the situation!! You shouldn't have done that!!!"
"Please take your hand off my balls before you speak!"
"She's suffering because she's afraid we'll see her!! You shouldn't have kept us apart like that!!!"

Minerva-nim scolded me fiercely.
She gripped my balls tight and glared at me with wide eyes.
She seemed truly angry.
The one who calmed this mess down was Lumine-nim.

"Stop it, Minerva-nim."
"Lumine-nim! But he-"
"It's not like Lee Hyun-nim did it on purpose. He must have thought it would help with the purification."
"......Even so."

Thanks to her, the momentum died down a bit.
Minerva-nim sullenly let go of her hand.
A sigh of relief escaped me.

"Hyu-u... I survived...."
"Don't exaggerate, I didn't even squeeze hard. Anyway, you explain it too."
"Explanation? Isn't it all written there?"
"That's from Ariel-nim's perspective, and since she wrote that she's certain she's a man, I don't really get it. I need your opinion since you saw her directly."
"Yes. When we first met...."

I explained everything step by step.
How I contacted the Hero after searching around.
The numerous contradictions despite her claims.
And finally, the stigma that appeared on her cheek.
Minerva-nim and Lumine-nim both furrowed their brows at the same time.

"So Lee Hyun-nim is certain that Ariel-nim is a woman."
"If she was originally a man, then she was just born as a female animal by mistake. It's at the level where Shax corrected her gender."
"You use strange words sometimes. Anyway, I agree. No matter how I think about it, I don't believe that curse could even affect a statue."

They spoke in unison.
The curse of Shax, the Predator.
Its power couldn't possibly be as the Hero claimed.
It must be the Hero's own delusion-that's what they concluded.

"In the first place, it shouldn't be possible to change all of our perceptions. Only the almighty Goddess-nim could do something like that."
"......."

'As a mode-user, I feel a bit guilty.'
Suddenly, I realized how amazing my modes were, but anyway.
She was just under a delusion; the Hero is a woman.
No one disagreed with my claim.
My shoulders naturally puffed up with pride.

"That's right, I'm personally breaking that curse right now."
"Is that true, Lee Hyun-nim!?"
"I've already broken about 2 percent of it. I can't clear it instantly like I did for Lumine-nim, but if I have enough time, it should be easy."

Now, this is the dignity of a purification expert.
Everyone, bring out the praise and applause.
I wore a triumphant expression with that feeling.
The reaction that came back was quite lukewarm.

"The fact that there has been progress in the curse treatment means, just like you did to me♡ U-uhm, that you did lewd things... Mmm-uuut♡"
"Ah, right. To treat her curse, you have to do erotic things, don't you? How did you even do it to someone who thinks they're a man? Don't tell me, sodomy?"
"......."

Don't look at me with those eyes, Minerva-nim.
An expert can get very hurt.

"It's not like that. To be precise...."

I explained quickly.
This isn't gay, it's normal sex.
Thanks to that, the suspicious glares vanished.

"To weaken the curse's compulsion by strongly stimulating gender incongruity...."
"Theoretically, it sounds plausible. It was similar with Lumine-nim."
"Right? I told you I'm an expert."
"Then Lee Hyun-nim, if this continues, the Hero-nim's treatment will-"
"It'll be fine as long as I have time."

Soon, the topic shifted back to the Hero.
Smiles spread across their lips.
They seemed very happy about the news of the treatment.

"Ah, thanks be to Lee Hyun-nim! And thanks to the Goddess-nim for sending Lee Hyun-nim to us!"

Lumine-nim even offered a prayer.
A holy atmosphere filled the room.

'...I really want to nitpick.'
That Goddess isn't exactly someone who deserves thanks.
I think she's more of an evil god type, considering she beat me until I fainted just because I didn't increase my intelligence.

'Well, I'd probably get slapped if I said that.'
I swallowed the retort.
I didn't want to faint again for blasphemy.

'I only believe in Chastity Sister. Sun-men.'

I put my hands together once.
Then Lumine-nim tilted her head-
She looked puzzled, as if the prayer was awkward since it wasn't a 'Bo-men' prayer.

"Ah, I changed my prayer posture recently. I thought the other one was a bit too irreverent."

As for switching faiths...
Yeah, I should keep that a secret.
I'd get slapped if I said that to a devout Saintess.
And above all.
Now wasn't the time for such talk.

"Anyway, there's one important problem here."

Jjak-jjak.

I clapped to get their attention.
Their gazes focused on me.

"A problem? What is it?"
"I said the treatment is possible if I have time, right?"
"You certainly did... Don't tell me?"
"Yes. I don't have time. The Empress-nim is pestering me to return to the Capital."

It's easy to forget, but I am technically affiliated with the Imperial Family.
I couldn't ignore Luna-nim's call.

"Four days. No, I have four days left until I have to return."

Luna-nim had even issued an Imperial Decree saying 'Return after a week.'
There were only 4 days left.
Treat the Hero in that time?
Even for me, that's impossible.
Unlike Lumine-nim, whose constitution was the polar opposite of the curse, this one is tough in many ways.
I naturally shook my head.

"Can't you report to Her Majesty and delay your return? If Lee Hyun-nim explains the situation...."
"I don't think it'll work. Actually, this morning, I barely managed to talk her out of telling me to just quit everything and come back immediately."
"That selfish bitch. As if keeping me and Lumine-nim stuck here for three years wasn't enough, she can't even wait this little bit?"
"Uh-oh, that's Imperial profanity."
"It doesn't matter since it's just us here."

The atmosphere turned cold in an instant.
Luna-nim's evaluation hit a new low.
Setting Minerva-nim aside, Lumine-nim really had a reason to curse, so it was even more so.

'Still, it doesn't feel great. Hearing the woman who might be pregnant with my child being insulted.'

I understood, but I couldn't just listen.
I immediately waved my hands.
I intended to shield her a bit.

"Don't be like that. Thanks to that, Lumine-nim succeeded with the Holy Spear and I was able to subjugate Eisen, no, Balam, right?"
"...That's true."
"When I was here, the Demon Race didn't even come near the Capital."
"And the Empress-nim is a better person than you think. Honestly, is it an easy thing to send someone like me here?"
"That's also true, but, haaa."

Thanks to that, the atmosphere settled down a bit.
Or rather, both of them started to become mindful of their words.
It seemed to weigh on their minds that they had insulted the mother-in-law in front of the future son-in-law.
I reached out and stroked them both.

"It's okay. I understand how you both feel."
"...Thank you. My emotions got a bit out of hand, and I showed a pathetic side of myself."
"I'm sorry too."
"I said it's fine. Anyway, back to the Hero-nim."

I cleared my throat.
The main point started now.

"Treating the Hero-nim during this time is difficult. You understand this much, right?"
"Yes."
"And once I leave Eisengard, I probably won't be able to come back."

Once I leave this place, it's over.
I won't be able to step foot on this land again.

"Couldn't Lee Hyun-nim just persuade her? If you explain...."
"It's hard to explain, but there are things."

After all, what if Luna-nim really is pregnant?
The moment that's revealed, it's a guaranteed controversy.
I won't be able to leave the Capital at all then.
The moment I leave, I'd become trash who abandoned a pregnant Empress to wander outside.

'Especially since the magic stones for teleportation have run dry.'

I couldn't even go back and forth via teleportation like the front lines.
Warping consumes magic stones like crazy.
And Luna-nim had already sent a swarm of priests just to treat me.

'And above all.'

"Would the Empress-nim, knowing I collapsed from serious injuries, really send me back out again?"

The most important point.
Publicly, I was someone who had barely survived.
Understanding my meaning, Minerva-nim let out a groan.

"...I understand. If you leave here, you really might not be able to return."
"If it were me, I wouldn't want to send Lee Hyun-nim to a dangerous place either."
"That's exactly what I'm saying."

With this, the basic preparation was complete.
Only one thing remained.

"So, I'm going to ask for your cooperation."
"Cooperation?"
"---To make the Hero-nim move her residence to the Capital with us."

The most problematic one, the Hero.
Moving her to the Capital.

"Wait, can't you just tell Ariel-nim to follow you? She can just come separately on a horse."
"That's true. As long as we don't see her."
"And here I was wondering what it was~ It's nothing much! Why did you make the atmosphere so serious if it was just this?"

Only then did the two realize the flaw in my logic.
But it didn't matter now.
Honestly, I said all that just to set the mood.

'Actually, I wanted to use the mood to slip something in, but it didn't work on Minerva-nim.'

The reason I built up the tension this much.
It was none other than...

"So, let's have a deep threesome right in front of the Hero-nim's eyes."
"...What?"
"It'll be very effective for the treatment."

As a second shock therapy.
Entering phase 2 of the operation to fuck the Hero.
I was going to try and catch two rabbits at once.

A day passed, and night fell again.

"Where did you even get these p-perverted clothes?"
"I have my ways."

'There were dozens of these in Blanc-nim's luggage.'

Minerva-nim, wearing the outfit I brought, and-

"Mmm-uuut♡ This kind of, this kind of outfit...♡ I shouldn't♡"

Lumine-nim, in the same outfit, moaning while looking in the mirror.
The night with the two of them began.
The difference from usual was-

Buseureok.

"...Hut."

'She must have a lot on her mind.'

The Hero was engaged in voyeurism from the ceiling.
Except for her, we all knew that fact.

'Hero, watch closely from there! And don't you dare tell anyone!!'

"Bankai... no, let's begin then."

Tonight's goal was to break the Hero's curse up to 10 percent.