[January 20, 272 Edelmar Calendar]

Three days have passed since the invasion of Demon Lord Eligos.

Despite warnings of danger, he headed directly to the front lines.

Fortunately, Lord Arzen is by his side.

Still, the battlefield is a place where anything can happen.

I can't help but worry.

How wonderful it would be if he could just stay with me in the safe rear.

I couldn't voice these thoughts in front of others. He is the head of Ilensia, and I am the wife of such a man.

As I had prepared myself for this day, I couldn't let my weakness hold him back.

Unable to share these feelings with anyone, I decided to write a diary.

My greatest concern is for the children.

Count Roxen promised to take responsibility and bring them to safety, but with them out of sight, my heart wavers.

Perhaps it's a mother's instinct to want to keep her children close in her arms.

All I can do now is pray to the gods.

Sirien, Terion. Please stay safe.

[November 26, 272 Edelmar Calendar]

Nine days have passed since Demon Lord Eligos's invasion.

The mood at the encampment is grim.

Lord Arzen has been injured from directly confronting Demon Lord Eligos.

The Demon Lord seems to have suffered a more devastating defeat, but it was a victory that came with wounds.

The future is concerning.

With Lord Arzen, our most important military asset, injured, we must operate our forces cautiously.

We can no longer rely on the man who always brought us victory when least expected.

There's another problem.

Eligos's attacks are too precise and deadly. It's as if he knew exactly where to strike.

They say if things go wrong, the corps led by my husband could be surrounded by the enemy.

We've concluded there must be a traitor within our family.

Even the rear is no longer safe.

He told me to return to my parents' home.

Given the situation, I wanted to take the children with me, but Count Roxen objected.

If the enemy tracked the children's location through me, there's no telling what might happen.

He said what matters now is that at least one of us survives.

I couldn't endanger the children because of my selfishness.

A day feels like a year.

I miss the children. Desperately so.

[January 1, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

The new year has dawned while I've been at my parents' home.

Not a day has passed without thoughts of my children.

Fearing I might go mad just sitting around, I started knitting.

It felt awkward at first, something I used to do when I was called a lady.

After so much time has passed, it's become too familiar.

I made gloves for Terion, who often goes outside.

And a sweater for Sirien, who hates the cold.

I made them as New Year's gifts, but I couldn't meet the children to give them.

Red suits our Sirien so well. I wanted to see how she looked in this sweater.

I wanted to see her face light up when receiving the gift even more.

She has the most radiant smile in the world.

I wonder how Terion is doing. I hope he's not bothering Sirien again.

But with Razen by their side, I'm sure he's protecting them well.

The images of my children keep flashing before my eyes.

[January 24, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

After Lord Arzen sacrificed his life to secure the retreat of my husband and our family's core forces, a major counterattack was launched.

My husband, as the head of Ilensia, mobilized all the family's power to pressure the Demon Lord.

As a result, Demon Lord Eligos was defeated.

Two branch families who betrayed us couldn't escape annihilation.

Finally, I can see my husband and children's faces!

I can finally give them the gifts that have been piling up.

At times like these, I must stay strong too.

[January 25, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

The news that was sent late has just arrived.

He's gone. My husband is dead.

A man who seemed gruff but was actually tender.

A man so afraid of hurting me that he hesitated even to approach me.

Though he never showed it to others, he was someone who feared even paper cuts.

How much pain must he have felt? How scared must he have been? And how lonely?

I'm sorry I wasn't by your side. I should have been there for you.

Now all I have left are my children.

[February 12, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

Even after my husband's death, I haven't seen my children.

Before the funeral was even over, Count Roxen showed his true colors.

He threatened me using the children as leverage.

He said if I didn't want to see their corpses, I should cooperate with him.

I threw whatever I could grab at him and drove him out, saying he dared to speak such horrible words.

But I knew. I had no alternative.

To save my children, I would have to accept Count Roxen's proposal.

The thought of my children suffering even the slightest injury breaks my heart.

If my children have been hostages from the beginning, have they been able to keep warm in this cold weather?

It's been such a cold winter.

I'm sorry, my children, that this mother couldn't do anything.

It's all my fault. I failed to protect you because of my incompetence.

God, please embrace those children.

You may curse and punish this body a thousand or ten thousand times.

I will bear all storms and pain. Please, just let those children live happily.

[February 27, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

Count Roxen brought imposters to replace my children.

I couldn't contain my anger. I tried to kill him with a knife but was stopped by the knights.

Since Lord Carlton's appointment, the knights of Leheim have stopped listening to me.

I need someone to help me. I must bring back the children who are the true heirs of this castle.

I've started gathering people through knights I've known before.

No one can replace my children.

Even if my head falls to the ground, I will only be the mother of those children.

[May 19, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

I failed.

Despite all my efforts to find my children, I couldn't escape Count Roxen's watchful eye.

All the knights who followed me have been purged.

Not knowing what happened to the others, I was confined within the castle.

Now the only people I can meet are a few maids.

There's no one left to protect my children.

Are they still alive as the Count claims?

Sirien, Terion. There has never been a day when I missed you more than today.

Except for tomorrow. Tomorrow will hurt more each time I think of you.

[June 4, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

I've fallen ill.

I've been coughing more frequently lately, and now there's blood.

I'm not sure what disease it is.

Count Roxen called a doctor, but I refused examination.

It's a deserved punishment for a mother who couldn't protect her children.

[June 15, 273 Edelmar Calendar]

Unable to resist the maids' insistence, I accepted the examination.

I couldn't be harsh to those who stayed by my side despite my condition.

It was futile anyway.

Even the doctor didn't know exactly what disease I had.

He just told me to rest well in a warm place and eat properly.

That's absurd. How could I do that?

How can I rest comfortably when I don't even know where my poor children are or what they're going through?

I miss my children.

[January 1, 274 Edelmar Calendar]

Another new year has dawned.

I noticed the sweater I made last year.

It would be too small for them to wear now even if I could give it to them.

Children grow so quickly; they might look very different from how I remember them.

I couldn't even witness your growth.

Watching you grow was also a parent's duty.

Could there be a mother as inadequate as me in this world?

Having given birth to the most lovable children, yet unable to give them proper love.

I can't bear how pathetic I am.

[July 6, 274 Edelmar Calendar]

God has punished me.

I've been sleeping more. I thought it was because my body had weakened, but my memories are gradually disappearing.

Sometimes I forget where I am. Who I am.

Merciful one, this is too cruel.

How can you take everything from me?

Were my children not enough for you?

I had already lost the whole world with them, and now you want to take away my memories of them too.

This cannot be.

Please. I know those children were too good for me.

But I cannot lose my memories.

If there is justice and order in this world, this cannot happen.

If my children ever come looking for me, I may show them my corpse, but I don't want to make them cry.

Please show mercy just this once.

[October 30, 276 Edelmar Calendar]

I regained consciousness after a long time.

I still haven't met or rescued my children.

I can barely remember their faces now.

Why am I still alive?

I thought my condition was no different from a corpse.

All that remains are fragments of memories.

I must record the memories of my children in this diary, even if just a little.

So I can look back and remember.