Chapter 57: I’ll go and see if the rain can get any heavier! (1/2)
Under normal circumstances, Fang He wouldn’t have overlooked Kangxi’s exceptionally keen reflexes, but… she’d been drinking during the day.
She’d had two cups with Xiao Qiao and two more when bidding farewell to the others.
Though it was just plum wine-sweet as syrup with her original body’s alcohol tolerance (one cup and she’d be down), she was already slightly tipsy by the time she returned.
Otherwise, her acting wouldn’t have been so flawless when facing Li Dequan and Liang Jiugong.
A bath and some food would have likely sobered her up.
But the imperial cuisine ruined everything.
When Chunlai went out to fetch water, Li Dequan summoned her to report to the emperor.
Chunlai informed Kangxi that Fang He had already severed ties with the chef and had even arranged for someone to help him marry and start a family.
Pleased by this news, Kangxi specially ordered the imperial kitchen to serve another portion of a dish he particularly enjoyed ‘Dragon and Phoenix in Harmony’-thinking Fang He would like it too.
The dish, made with tender chicken and river shrimp marinated in aged huangjiu wine, was even more fragrant than ‘Chicken Leaping in the Pan,’ yet without any of the shrimp’s usual fishy odor.
Fang He couldn’t resist the aroma.
Most of the bites she’d taken earlier had been from this dish, and before she knew it, she was drunk…
After Kangxi silenced her infuriating little mouth with his own, he detected a hint of alcohol and remembered Chunlai’s report about Fang He drinking with Qiao Xiaoyuan.
A sour, angry fire fermented in his chest.
Biting her lip, Kangxi scoffed, “You promised to drink with me and thank me properly, yet you repay me by running away?”
She’d been gentle drinking with others but had never once apologized to him.
Blinking, her drunkenness worsening, Fang He found herself acting shamelessly-even scaring herself.
“It was just a couple of sweet drinks with someone else! I didn’t kiss him again. When will Your Majesty stop being so petty?”
That one remark ignited the fury in Kangxi’s chest.
If he were truly petty, would he tolerate her spouting such nonsense?!
Only when Kangxi lifted her by the waist, placed her over his knee, and brought his palm down did Fang He realize how dizzy she was.
“Fuck ” A curse slipped out in her daze.
Why could she run several steps ahead and still get caught and spanked?
This was downright unfair!
“Quiet! If you keep running your mouth, I’ll have no reputation left!”
Kangxi growled under his breath, though the sound was drowned out by the spanking.
Fang He didn’t hear a word, only felt the sting on her backside, and immediately flailed like a live crab.
Even a drunkard with some sense left couldn’t realistically control her flailing hands—she nearly poked Kangxi in the eye.
Kangxi jerked his head back to avoid it.
Fang He scrambled to climb down but was pinned back over his knee like a helpless chick.
Dizzy and disoriented, she instinctively grabbed something to steady herself Kangxi’s ear-which conveniently allowed her to bite his lip.
“Why do you always resort to hitting? A gentleman uses his words, not his hands-ever heard of that?”
Kangxi seized her wrist, fire blazing in his eyes.
If he didn’t have the heart to scold her harshly or punish her in ways that might humiliate her, what else could he do but give her this half- hearted spanking?
He could tell Fang He had drunk too much.
Gritting his teeth, he said in a low voice, “If you could just remember a bit of propriety, I wouldn’t have to resort to this!”
Fang He stubbornly retorted without even blinking, “Hitting people is wrong no matter what! I can learn the rules gradually—it’s not like you were born knowing everything either!”
“One beating is enough! Do you plan to hit me every time you get angry from now on? Then I don’t want to go back to the palace with you!”
That last sentence infuriated Kangxi even more.
While her earlier words had been somewhat unreasonable, this final statement rang with absolute sincerity.
Yet he had no intention of actually beheading anyone or letting this drunken fool cause any more embarrassing scenes.
But scolding her?
Right now, her sharp tongue might very well outmatch his own.
The thought made her all the more infuriating.
Too angry to speak, Kangxi simply picked her up, intending to toss her into the room so she could sleep it off-out of sight, out of mind.
But Fang He thought he meant to hit her again.
She still wanted to go out tomorrow and had no intention of waddling around with a sore backside for everyone to laugh at.
Taking advantage of Kangxi’s momentary distraction, she struggled free with all her might, knocking over a stool in the process and nearly falling flat on her back.
Kangxi broke out in a cold sweat, stumbling forward to catch her just in time.
Once steady on her feet, before Kangxi could straighten up, Fang He delivered a swift slap to his rear-if he was going to hit people, he ought to know how it felt!
The crisp smack was followed by utter silence in the room.
Kangxi’s darkened expression sobered Fang He up a little.
“You-” How dare you!
Smack!
Fang He shuddered and gave her own backside a hard slap, cutting Kangxi off mid-sentence.
What fresh madness was this?
Eyes squeezed shut, she continued spanking herself.
“That’s for being disobedient! That’s for lacking propriety! That’s for making His Majesty go to such trouble…!”
“I couldn’t bear to trouble you, so I’ll handle it myself!” I’ve punished myself, so you can’t hit me now-
Kangxi: “……”
It seemed this drunken fool wasn’t entirely without merit—at least she was conscientious.
She even muffled her cries, careful not to let anyone outside hear that she’d struck the emperor, though the sting forced a few involuntary whimpers.
To Liang Jiugong and the others eavesdropping outside, the words inside were indistinct, but the emperor’s fury and the sound of forceful action were unmistakable.
They couldn’t help but worry for Fang He… or perhaps take some schadenfreude in her plight.
Inside, however, Kangxi found himself torn between laughter and anger at the sight of her pitifully punishing herself.
In the end, he could do neither.
Rubbing his temples, he growled, “Get out…”
“I’m going, I’m going!” Fang He had no desire to stay any longer.
If His Majesty decided to vent his anger in that way, her poor backside wouldn’t survive the ordeal.
Clutching her rear, she bolted for the door-only to nearly send Li Dequan and Wei Zhu tumbling inside, their ears pressed to the wood.
The two eunuchs hastily dropped to their knees.
Liang Jiugong and Chunlai stared dumbfounded at her disheveled hair and clothes, flushed cheeks, and the way she clutched her backside…
Well, they knew what preparations to make now.
Fang He glared.
“What are you looking at? Never seen someone get punished by His Majesty after drinking too much?!”
“Move! I’m going back to reflect on my mistakes!”
Liang Jiugong, barely suppressing a laugh, shoved a jar of ointment into Chunlai’s hands and quickly made way so the maid could support the wobbly Fang He back to her quarters.
Turning back, Liang Jiugong found his master’s ominous gaze fixed squarely on him.
Kangxi had merely intended to tell Fang He to scram inside and sleep, not to return to her own quarters.
This damned servant truly couldn’t read the situation at all.
Yet Liang Jiugong mistakenly assumed his master was furious with Fang He and hurried forward, “Your Majesty, please calm your anger. This servant will have someone prepare chilled tea for you—”
“Scram!”
Kangxi kicked Liang Jiugong squarely in the rear.
“What tea in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping?!”
“Prepare water-I wish to bathe!”
He turned and strode back into his bedchamber.
Liang Jiugong dusted off his backside with a sigh.
No matter whether that ancestor lived or died, whether she was beaten or not, he was still stuck enduring this suffocating frustration.
How was he supposed to endure this life?!
Swallowing his bitterness, Liang Jiugong instructed Li Dequan to prepare the bathwater while he personally attended to Kangxi’s washing.
Once finished, just as Liang Jiugong prepared to assist his master to bed, Kangxi pivoted on his heel and strode out of the bedchamber— straight to the study.
Liang Jiugong was stunned. “Your Majesty, it’s late-“
“Silence! There’s still a memorial I must review. If you’re tired, then scram off to bed yourself!” Kangxi snapped coldly.
Liang Jiugong:”….”
How could I possibly dare to leave when you’re still awake?!
With no other choice, Liang Jiugong burned the midnight oil alongside Kangxi, enduring nearly two hours of memorial-reading in the study.
When Kangxi finally rose, Liang Jiugong forcibly suppressed a yawn, his eyes brimming with unshed tears from the effort.
Then, with teary eyes, he watched as his master casually pushed open the door to the side chamber and shooed out a thoroughly bewildered Chunlai.
Moments later, the lights inside were extinguished.
A tear plopped down Liang Jiugong’s cheek as he realized his blunder, wishing he could slap himself.
Had he known his master never intended to send Fang He away-only to sneak off for a stolen embrace after all this trouble-why had he gone through all this suffering?!
Kangxi slept soundly.
In Consort De’s quarters, the imperial concubine remained wide awake, head bowed as she sewed clothes for her nearly one-year-old princess.
Before long, her personal maid Hedong entered in a huff.
“That side has finally settled down-fussing half the night before calling for bathwater. Who knows what kind of vixen she is…”
“Mind your words!” Consort De gently chided, though her tone remained soft.
“Given how things stand, she’ll soon be a mistress of the palace. You mustn’t speak recklessly.”
Hedong’s face still showed discontent.
“This servant has already inquired with the imperial kitchen’s Xiaoquanzi. She’s nothing but a widowed ill-omened star from the Zhashuli clan. Even if she enters the palace, her rank won’t be high. How could she possibly…”
The last words “steal Your Grace’s favor”-remained unspoken.
Hedong knew her mistress’s temperament best.
Though Consort De wouldn’t lash out at unpleasant words, she would remember them and
find an excuse to dismiss the offender later.
Her ability to remain favored lay precisely in knowing what to say and what not to say.
Her current outrage was exactly what her mistress wished to see.
Sure enough, Consort De bit off the thread from the small garment and looked up with an intrigued smile.
“Zhashuli clan? If I recall correctly, only a few distant branches remain in Shengjing, barely clinging to life. How did one end up in Jiangnan?”
Hedong displayed just the right amount of disdain.
“Xiaoquanzi didn’t know much either. Apparently, she followed her husband south for an official post. Pity that wretched creature’s fate is too harsh-she ended up killing him.”
“Most likely she’s returning to Shengjing. Who knows how she managed to catch His Majesty’s eye with her fox-like charms utterly shameless.”
The Virtuous Consort’s smile remained unchanged as she pondered briefly before shaking her head.
“No, given His Majesty’s temperament, for him to take such an interest in a woman, it must either be tied to the previous dynasty or…”
She paused, leaving one thought unspoken.
If it were related to the previous dynasty, His Majesty wouldn’t have used her one of the four principal consorts as a pawn just to provoke a lowly widow.
That left only one possibility—a past connection…
Recalling Fang He’s insolence in front of her just days ago, a shadow flickered in the Virtuous Consort’s eyes.
Still, she didn’t mind having someone audacious in the palace.
The question was whether others would tolerate it.
With a light laugh, she said, “Have someone investigate her thoroughly. Once her identity is confirmed, arrange for the news to reach the Noble Consort and the other consorts when sending messages to the palace. Let them prepare for a new sister in advance.”
After a pause, she added, “Also, prepare a grand gift for me. Since she’s now close to His Majesty and he favors her, I must show my goodwill.”
Hedong looked puzzled.
“She holds no status yet. Why must Your Highness lower yourself—”
The Virtuous Consort’s eyelids lifted slightly as she glanced at Hedong, her tone still gentle.
“Help me retire for the night.”
Hedong stiffened, realizing her mistress was displeased.
Not daring to say more, she bowed in assent.
The next morning, when Fang He awoke, the Kangxi Emperor had long since departed.
Unaware of his visit, she only felt an ache in her legs.
Chunlai kept her head lowered, not daring to explain.
“Perhaps you slept on it wrong. Let me massage it for you later.”
Fang He waved her off, rubbing her legs herself.
She hadn’t drunk much the night before just enough to feel tipsy without blacking out.
Touching her backside, she found it no longer hurt; Chunlai must have applied medicine.
But she wasn’t about to let things slide.
After freshening up, Fang He sought out Li Dequan and demanded ten thousand taels of silver.
Li Dequan nearly jumped.
“A-Ancestor! What do you need so much silver for?”
“My rank was slashed, I was beaten, and I couldn’t even sleep properly. Can’t I get some silver to soothe my shattered heart?” Fang He glared.
Li Dequan inwardly cursed-wasn’t all of this her own doing?
If this ancestor had even an ounce of gentleness, she might already be carrying a young prince by now.
Fang He pressed, “Just go and report it. If His Majesty refuses, bring me a pair of scissors.”
Li Dequan paled.
“Madam-no, Ancestor! Spare me, I wouldn’t dare—”
“You think I’d harm myself?” Fang He cut him off.
“I’d never do something so foolish. If His Majesty won’t give me the silver, I’ll cut a piece of cloth, write a blood petition, and send it to the Empress Dowager! Let her stand up for me!”
After all, the Empress Dowager would soon be her mother-in-law.
Given her rapport with the wealthy matriarch, that backing was guaranteed!
When Kangxi heard Li Dequan’s report, a drop of vermilion ink splattered onto the memorial, making his temples throb.
The very thing he had feared had come to pass-why had he ever brought this troublemaker before him in the first place?
Kangxi still had to inspect the local garrison in Suzhou that afternoon and truly had no time to bicker with Fang He.
“Go give it to her. As long as she doesn’t cause any major trouble, there’s no need to report back!”
Fang He took the silver, patted her… patted her hands, and cheerfully headed out with Chunlai and the guards in tow.
This time, instead of returning to the inn, she wandered around, browsing shops in Jiangning Prefecture, buying plenty of jewelry and fabrics.
Only after nightfall, having dined at a restaurant, did she return to the Cao family’s villa.
In the following days, Kangxi left early each morning-sometimes traveling incognito to observe local conditions, other times touring famous landmarks, exchanging poetry with Jiangnan literati-keeping himself endlessly occupied.
After these affairs, he went to Suzhou, Yangzhou, and other regions to inspect the garrisons, sometimes not returning at all.
When he did come back, it was under the cover of night.
Fang He was no less busy than Kangxi.
Though she rose only after waking naturally, she still left right after breakfast, visiting major temples across Jiangning, Suzhou, and Yangzhou-even making a trip to the Yu family village to offer incense at Yu Yinji’s home.
By the time Kangxi finally had a free moment to ask about Fang He, she was still at Dinglin Temple, dining on vegetarian Buddhist fare.
“Since when did she take a liking to vegetarian food?” Kangxi asked Liang Jiugong with a faintly mocking smile.
No doubt that troublemaker was using worship as an excuse to avoid him.
Seeing the chill in the emperor’s expression, Liang Jiugong hurriedly defended Fang He, “The young lady said she went specifically to pray for the Empress Dowager and Her Majesty the Empress.”
“She’s visited all the nearby temples, including Gaomin Temple here in Jiangning.”
“Previously, the abbot of Dinglin Temple was away on travels, but word is he’s just returned. That’s why the young lady rose early today to make the trip.”
Hearing this, Kangxi was genuinely surprised.
Of course, he didn’t believe a word about prayers because the troublemaker wasn’t so kind-hearted… no, she had no kindness at all.
But with his shrewd mind, he quickly grasped the real reason.
It likely stemmed from her status as the widow of the Zhasihuli clan-she was trying to dispel the lingering misfortune of widowhood.
Kangxi’s expression softened slightly, the corners of his lips lifting.
It seemed that after all her antics, her cleverness had finally returned, and she was preparing to obediently follow him back to the palace.
Thinking this, Kangxi felt another pang of irritation.
After all the times she had provoked him, just hearing a bit of good news made his anger dissipate against his will-even making him want to do something to please her.
His face darkened as he ordered, “Go, summon Cao Yin.”