Chapter 119: Apple Peel
"A-rin still isn't here..."
Yu Daon muttered to herself as she changed the water in the flower vase.
Warm sunlight streamed in through the window, and a fruit basket sat nearby.
The Team Leader had left the fruit basket, and the mirror.
He'd said he had some personnel matters to take care of, and then, leaving only the fruit basket behind, he had vanished like the wind.
"You haven't heard anything separately, have you?"
"We haven't been close enough for that kind of talk."
"It would probably be the same even if it were the opposite." Yu Daon said with a laugh, finished arranging the flowers, and then met my eyes.
"Anyway, you should take this chance to get some rest."
"I'm well aware of that."
I keep saying I should rest, I should rest, and I think it, but incidents always seem to follow me like this.
Life isn't easy, I know, but does it really have to be this difficult?
"What about Chae-yeon?"
"Ah, Chae-yeon went to help the Team Leader with something. He said it was something only she could do..."
"..."
If we're all going to talk, we should at least be gathered together first.
"...Jae-heon, are you worried about A-rin?"
Yu Daon picked up a bright red apple and looked at me.
"...Hmm."
How should I explain this?
I pondered my feelings for a moment.
Since I couldn't clearly pinpoint the reason she wasn't coming to see me, should I say I couldn't act rashly?
It could be self-reproach, or it could just be a feeling of being fed up with this whole situation.
If I went to her and she asked why I came, I'd feel awkward for no reason.
"...I'm worried."
And, well, people generally call this feeling 'worry.'
"After all, she's not replying to texts or answering calls."
"That is true, I suppose."
Yu Daon went 'Hmm,' rested her chin on her hand in thought, and then spoke.
"She might be on the rooftop."
"The rooftop?"
"Yes."
"How do you know?"
"Because she went up to the rooftop yesterday afternoon."
"...That was a while ago."
She wouldn't stay on the rooftop all day, right?
Still, it was worth a try.
With a groan, I pushed myself up.
"...Are you going to the rooftop?"
"I'll be back shortly."
"Okay. Have a safe trip. I'll peel the apples for you."
Yu Daon waved with a smile, and I slowly stepped out the door and made my way to the rooftop.
Ah, my side hurts.
*
The journey up to the rooftop was incredibly arduous.
To be precise, it was arduous because of my physical condition.
"Oww..."
An involuntary groan escaped me with every step I climbed.
"I'm gonna die..."
Holding my side and grunting, I climbed the stairs.
Soon, I arrived at the door to the rooftop.
-Creak.
When I opened the door, bright sunlight and...
"..."
...a terrible heat greeted me.
Would Song A-rin really be in a place like this?
"Song A-rin."
Only my voice echoed across the empty rooftop.
Not here.
"...Do I really have to wait here?"
What if my wound reopens?
"...Ugh."
I sat down on the hot cement floor and stared blankly at the sky.
"Well, let's see if I die from my wound reopening or if I make it to the rooftop—"
"Are you insane?"
A sharp voice interrupted me.
"What? If you're here, you should answer when I call you."
"..."
Song A-rin was staring straight at me.
"You."
"Yes."
"...Why did you come when you're hurt?"
Her voice was still sharp, but she was examining my wound as she spoke.
"Are you okay?"
"Not okay."
"..."
Song A-rin closed her mouth.
"That's why you should come on time. When everyone else comes and you're the only one who doesn't, it bothers me, so I end up coming to find you."
"..."
She averted her eyes and muttered.
"Sorry."
"Just as long as you know."
"...You're not angry?"
"...Me?"
Me? Why?
When I made a genuinely puzzled expression, Song A-rin stammered awkwardly.
"W-well, you got hurt."
"What does me getting hurt have to do with you, Song A-rin?"
"...I couldn't stop it."
Was she really comparing herself to Yu Daon right now?
"Song A-rin, you're not Daon."
"..."
She closed her mouth, then opened it again.
"Right. I'm not the one with black hair."
"And?"
"So I shouldn't have been so overconfident in myself."
Song A-rin sighed.
"If I had done better, this wouldn't have happened."
"..."
Suddenly, the painting of Song A-rin I saw in the art museum came to mind.
<Army-Study-One-System>
Her, standing alone amidst countless shining people.
And her, in that room you couldn't leave until you did XX, just hoping for praise.
"...You're doing well."
"..."
"Who else would have gathered that information if not for you, Song A-rin?"
At my words, she lowered her gaze.
"That..."
"Tell me. Chae-yeon? Or Daon?"
"..."
She said nothing.
"See. You know yourself that it's something only you can do."
She still said nothing, then muttered in a small voice.
"But it wasn't perfect. If the finishing touch isn't perfect, it's meaningless."
"How can anyone be perfect?"
Am I perfect?
No, I'm not.
I couldn't save the people in the theater, I couldn't save those whose minds were destroyed on the cruise, I couldn't save the people who became puppets in A Midsummer Night's Dream.
There were times I almost died because my deductions failed, and even now, I'm just racking my brains alone, not really knowing who my enemy is.
"There's no one who is perfect alone."
If I were alone, I would have died long ago.
"Doesn't it mean we help each other and push through together?"
At my words, Song A-rin stayed still for a moment, then sighed.
"I'll do better next time."
"Don't feel burdened."
She looked at me, then spoke again.
"First, let me tell you the information I heard—"
"Ah, let's do that later, when we're all together."
"..."
She closed her mouth again, and I met Song A-rin's gaze.
"I am fighting a Regressor."
"..."
"...Song A-rin?"
At my words, Song A-rin stood frozen for a moment, then blinked and repeated.
"A Regressor?"
"Yes."
"...Is that the memory I erased?"
"Yes."
"...Then I can guess what I must have said?"
"Yes. You said it was dangerous and told me not to tell anyone else."
"Then why did you tell me, you idiot!"
She raised her hand to hit my arm, but when her gaze fell on my side, she lowered her arm again.
"If you do this, I'll clearly become a variable—"
"I don't care."
"..."
"I might become a variable, sure. But I've realized something."
This isn't a problem I can handle alone.
"I need the help of three people."
"...Three people? Are you planning to tell the other two as well?"
"I already have."
Song A-rin's movements halted.
"...Am I last?"
"Yes."
I could hear a teeth-grinding sound, but as if it never happened, Song A-rin put a hand to her forehead and sighed.
"Fine. If that's what you've decided, I should respect it."
"Right."
"...Let's go talk. Is anyone down there?"
Song A-rin grabbed my arm and started walking.
"Why?"
"You said your side hurts. I'm going to support you."
She heard that?
Good ears.
*
-Scrape, scrape...
In the empty room the man had left, only the sound of fruit being peeled echoed pointlessly.
"..."
The moment he left, the smile that had been on Yu Daon's face vanished without a trace.
Only a person with an indifferent expression peeling fruit was reflected in the mirror.
"Ouch."
With a thud, the fruit knife made a sharp cut on her finger, and drops of blood fell onto the bright red apple.
But as if the blood had never flowed, her finger returned to its original state.
"..."
Peeling the fruit, she smiled a hollow smile.
She resented Song A-rin.
"It's the only thing I can do."
Wiping away the blood with her thumb, she muttered in a despondent tone.
Immortality. Regeneration.
Some might call it a blessing, but to her, it was absolutely not.
It was a curse that had been placed upon her.
Even when she was injected with poison at the Gangseo University Hospital, even as she felt the agony of her insides being torn apart, she only longed for eternal rest.
Please, let this pain end this time. Please, let me end this terrible life this time.
And, as always, her flesh betrayed her.
No matter how many times she died, she came back to life, and exactly one year after being hospitalized, she learned to abandon herself.
If life is painful because you hope for an end that never comes, then you just have to let go of yourself, like a puppet.
But the freedom that was suddenly given to her afterwards was far too burdensome for someone who had lived a life completely different from ordinary people for so long.
By sheer luck, she drifted around outside for a while before soon joining the Management Bureau, and although she was living a different life now, she had never once liked her ability.
And ironically, now it was the only ability she could rely on.
Because with this alone, she could protect that man's side, she could stand in front of him.
She was powerless.
She had no ability to kill an isolation object in one blow, no ability to manipulate people's hearts.
"...
It was only because she could die for him that she could stand by his side.
She could concede everything else.
Whether he went on a date with someone else, or on a business trip with someone else, she had no intention of raising an objection.
Because she wasn't someone who belonged in those places.
But, when he was heading towards certain death.
That spot by his side... that should have been hers.
Happiness could be shared with others. Sadness could be shared with others.
But pain... only she should bear it.
Because that was the only value she had in being by his side.
But this time, he didn't choose her. He chose someone else.
-Clatter!
The fruit knife fell to the floor, its sharp sound echoing through the silent hospital room.
"...I hate it."
Holding her trembling hand, she muttered.
"I can give up everything else."
She doesn't wish for happiness with him. It's too much for her.
She doesn't wish for conflict with him. She's afraid.
But.
"...Don't take away my reason for existing."
Only her powerless voice echoed through the room.
Footsteps could be heard.
The man's, and a sharp-tongued woman's voice.
"..."
She picked up the fallen knife and began peeling the apple again.
If you just cut away the peel splattered with blood, that's the end of it.
Then no one would know blood had stained it.
Creak, the door opened, and Yu Daon looked at the door with the same smile as always.
"You're both back! I've almost finished peeling the apples!"
Was her laughter the apple's flesh, or its peel?
Now, even she didn't know.