A somewhat impulsive question.
I thought I had pushed it aside in my mind, telling myself to think about it after resting, but it seems that wasn't the case.
With Cecil's arms wrapped around my body, rubbing against me as if transferring body heat, I asked.
"Cecil."
"Yes, Asha-nim."
"If... you had to disappear because of me... what would you think?"
Cecil, who had been nuzzling their cheek against me while being held, stopped moving.
When I cautiously looked at their face, their red eyes blinked as if lost in thought.
'...What did I just ask?'
With a sudden surge of anxiety, I shook my head and hurriedly tried to continue.
No, I tried to.
The moment I opened my mouth, I met the gaze of the red eyes that had been lost in thought.
Feeling as if I might be sucked in, I unconsciously gulped.
Somehow, I felt like prey standing before a predator.
If Cecil were to overpower me by force, I wouldn't be able to resist at all, so it wasn't exactly... wrong to think that.
'...But that won't happen.'
Cecil, who had been looking at me, gently closed their eyes and buried their face in my body.
It felt exceptionally warm against my body, which had been exposed to the cold wind.
And then... a somewhat somber voice reached my ears.
"Does disappearing mean... dying?"
I felt as if my heart had plummeted with a thud.
Struggling to calm my rapidly beating heart, I replied.
"...Probably, yes."
The most likely method to restore my body.
Even without asking twice, it would involve performing the Alchemical Creation in reverse compared to when Cecil was created under the same conditions.
Actually, this also doesn't guarantee that I can return.
Because my body becoming like this was closer to an accident in the first place.
For example.
My body might not return to its original state, and only Cecil might disappear.
Nevertheless.
In this current situation where not even a glimmer of hope is visible, it seemed the most probable.
...Excluding the problem that it might produce irreversible results.
Perhaps because of that.
My voice as I answered Cecil wasn't very bright either.
Cecil, who had been mumbling and pondering my words, spoke up.
"If Asha-nim... needs it, Cecil will do so."
"..."
However, Cecil's shoulders, held in my embrace, were trembling finely.
It probably wasn't from the cold.
'...What on earth did I say?'
While I was flustered, I felt dampness from my shoulder where Cecil's face was buried.
"But... thinking that I won't be able to see Asha-nim again... Cecil... Ce, Cecil..."
Before Cecil's words could continue, I hurriedly spoke up.
"That won't happen."
"R, really?"
"Yes... absolutely."
Realizing what was soaking my shoulder, I was extremely flustered, but I forced myself to act calm and spoke calmly.
Because I was worried about leaving Cecil with anxiety unnecessarily.
'...Then I shouldn't have asked in the first place.'
Cecil... have they ever cried like this in front of me before?
Thinking that, I realized anew just how terrible a question I had asked.
It was my fault for thoughtlessly asking, even though I knew Cecil was a being distinct from other Homunculi.
It was something I couldn't blame anyone else for.
Cecil endlessly dropped thick teardrops onto my shoulder, showing how sad the thought of not seeing me again was.
All I could do was pretend to be calm.
Just stroking Cecil's head and hugging them tightly in my arms.
And then I kept whispering that such a thing would absolutely never happen.
Cecil's ragged breathing gradually returned to normal.
Only then did Cecil lift their face, their eye area now as red as their pupils.
Feeling sorry, I pressed firmly with my sleeve, and this time they smiled brightly, perhaps happy.
After watching that smiling face for a moment, I apologized to Cecil with remorse.
"...I'm sorry. For asking something strange."
"Not at all. Asha-nim's question wasn't strange. But Cecil... thinking about not being able to see Asha-nim again... was very sad. I think I now understand the feelings of characters in books who lose their lovers."
I, I see.
I was a bit flustered by the rapid-fire response.
Gently stroking Cecil's eyes, which had started to sting again, Cecil pulled me into a tight embrace.
...While stroking Cecil's warm back.
It felt anew, but I thought.
'...I absolutely cannot perform reverse Alchemical Creation.'
Although I pretended to be calm because Cecil was crying.
When I too said it would be sad if Cecil couldn't see me and shed tears.
My heart had plummeted and my breathing had become ragged.
Even aside from that... I had felt uneasy about it before too.
'I absolutely cannot do it.'
Even if I have to live my whole life in this fragile body... that's probably how it will be.
I'll look for a method... but still.
In my heart, I might already be giving up.
So that's why I asked such a question and hurt Cecil.
Letting out a deep sigh inwardly, I straightened Cecil's body, who was sniffling.
"...Let's walk for a bit."
"Yes!"
Holding Cecil's hand, which had brightened again, we strolled along the sandy beach for a while.
I couldn't very well take Cecil back with their eyes all red.
Above Cecil's head, who soon became cheerful and started swinging their arms.
I could see hair shimmering and swaying under the moonlight.
The glossy hair shone as if stars were embedded in it.
As I stared blankly, Cecil met my eyes and smiled brightly.
...I thought this when we first met too.
I thought anew how pretty they were.
Even though on the day we met, the image was somewhat tarnished because they were stroking a monstrous object and masturbating relentlessly.
While walking on the sandy beach with a rustling sound.
Thinking I should take responsibility since I made them cry, I asked.
Of course, this time... it wasn't a strange question like before.
"Cecil, is there anything you want to do while resting?"
Then Cecil tilted their head.
"Something I want to do, you mean?"
"Yes."
They seemed to ponder something for a moment, then gently closed their eyes and spoke in a cheerful voice.
"Cecil is happy just being with Asha-nim! Ah, I wanted to go to the beach together, but we're already here!"
"Is, is that all?"
...I couldn't tell if it was because they weren't greedy or because they didn't know much else.
'Judging from what they say, it seems they read a lot of books while I wasn't around.'
Only then did Cecil seem to have something to think about, going 'Hmm~' and fidgeting with their fingers.
After a moment, the answer that came out was enough to make me stagger.
"Then Cecil wants to go on a date with Asha-nim!"
"Cough! Cough! D, date?"
"Yes!"
Cecil was smiling brightly with a face that asked what the problem was.
Feeling cold sweat trickling down my back, I forced a smile.
"Can't what we're doing now be considered a date too?"
Was it because I tried to take advantage after saying I'd apologize?
At my words, Cecil shook their head with an unusually firm expression. The argument that followed further confused my mind.
"Cecil wants to go on a date like lovers with Asha-nim!"
"Lo, lovers?"
"Hehe... yes."
...I was at a loss as to how to explain this to Cecil.
I'm not even sure if I can explain it logically myself.
I would need to have properly dated someone myself to point out the differences one by one.
It's not for nothing that I set up an expensive Workshop and holed up inside.
"Um... Cecil."
"Yes! Asha-nim!"
"The love you're thinking of... probably isn't romantic love."
Cecil shook their head side to side.
As if they couldn't accept it.
"Why not?"
"Uh... um, well, you see..."
Even if I explained it logically here, it would be insufficient, and with me stammering, I thought Cecil might not believe me.
Rummaging through my spinning mind, I recalled a memory that could counter Cecil's words.
'...This is it!'
After clearing my throat briefly, I spoke to Cecil, who was looking at me with sparkling eyes as if demanding an answer.
"Cecil. Do you remember when we first met?"
"Of course!"
Then this should be easy.
Thinking that, I recalled the day I first met Cecil.
I see Cecil under a shower pouring hot water.
Then with soapy hands, they stroke a large meat rod, spurting out white essence....
...Not that, further back.
Then I saw the messy Workshop.
The Workshop filled with unknown debris and a terrible smell.
Cecil's first words to me as they appeared through billowing smoke.
"When we first met, you called me mother, right?"
"I did!"
...?
It seemed Cecil didn't know what was wrong with that.
As a guardian, for proper... values, education would be necessary.
"...If I'm Cecil's mother, then Cecil and I can't be lovers."
"Why not?"
"Uh... well..."
Here, conflicting values clashed in my mind again.
In my previous world, incest was taboo, but in this world I live in now... it wasn't particularly treated that way.
...Of course, that's limited to relationships between men and women, same-sex, especially between women...
No... wait, I'm a man though...
Various thoughts became jumbled messily in my mind.
Thinking about how to properly explain this to Cecil.
Was too difficult a task for me right now.
Then I remembered the large meat rod that would be growing beneath Cecil.
Feeling my face flush, I muttered.
"...Thinking about successors, it might not be a problem... maybe."
"Asha-nim?"
"Uh, um, yes?!"
"You look unwell. Come to think of it... it's cold outside. We should probably go back inside quickly."
Perhaps worried seeing me flushed with embarrassment, the expression demanding an answer disappeared, leaving only a face full of concern.
'...This actually worked out well.'
Letting out a small fake cough, I pretended to be in pain and held my forehead.
"Umm... it's, it's a bit cold, shall we go back now?"
"Cecil will hug you tight so you won't be cold!"
"Y, yes."
After hearing about wanting to go on a lover's date, I couldn't help but be conscious of Cecil clinging to me.
...They smelled nice.
'I brushed it off for now.'
I can't keep doing this forever.
Then before that... shouldn't I clarify my position?
Whether I'm a man or a woman.
That's minor... no, very important, starting from that.
To whether I'll continue carrying the family name... and so on.
'...I don't know.'
Faced with questions too difficult to answer.
While stroking Cecil's head who was clinging to my side and transferring body heat, we returned to the mansion.
Author's Note (Author's Afterword)
Human or Onahole.
Choose!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for the 100 coin donation, I liked it first, sir/ma'am.
Always grateful... I love you too. Yes!!!!!!!!!!