150. The Beginning of Parenting (2)

After returning home, I took care of various things and laid down on the bed a little earlier than usual. I didn't lie in the center of the bed, but a bit to the side. It was a position where I could reach out to the connected baby crib. "He's sleeping well." "You should sleep too." "Okay." I need to sleep quickly since I have to feed him again soon. I can't even use an alarm, so I was worried about whether I could wake up on time. As soon as I closed my eyes, sleep came rushing in. Okay, let's sleep.... * I fell into a deep sleep without even dreaming, but suddenly it became noisy. A buzzing sound... I couldn't stand it and opened my eyes, and gradually came to my senses. The buzzing sound became clearer. "Shi-u!" It was the sound of the baby, Shi-u, crying. I turned on the lamp on the bedside table and checked on Shi-u. It seemed like he had been crying for quite a while. "I'm sorry." First, I checked his diaper, and as expected. After cleaning up the generously filled diaper, wiping him, and tidying up, Shi-u continued to cry. "Is there something else?" Belatedly checking the time, it had already been over 5 hours since I fed him. "You're hungry? I'm sorry." I lowered the intensity of the lamp light and prepared to breastfeed. Shi-u kept fussing. "Sorry, sorry. Just wait a little bit." As soon as I put Shi-u to my breast, the fussing disappeared. "You were hungry? I'm sorry." If I had an alarm, I could have woken up a little earlier... I felt sorry. Should I set a vibration alarm? I don't know. After feeding him for about 20 minutes and burping him, he became quiet and peaceful as if nothing had happened. So lovely! Still, it's tough in the middle of the night... If I lay him down on the bed right away, the milk he drank might come back up, so I spent some time holding him. After putting the quiet Shi-u back in his crib, I laid down to sleep again. But I can't fall asleep! When I wake up in the middle like this, it takes some time to fall back asleep. I laid down on the bed and quietly looked at Shi-u. Mommy is sorry... If I had woken up a little earlier, Shi-u would have cried less. I felt sorry for the baby. Still, I was relieved to see him sleeping well. After some time, I started to feel sleepy again. But then I made eye contact with Shi-u. Eyes...? "Shi, Shi-u? Aren't you sleeping?" He wouldn't understand even if I talked, but it was scary. Could it be that he woke up while sleeping? I placed one of my fingers on Shi-u's hand, and Shi-u reflexively grabbed my finger. I quietly waited for Shi-u to fall asleep. But even after a long time, Shi-u didn't fall asleep and blankly opened his eyes, flailing his arms and legs. What is he doing instead of sleeping? Babies must have times when they're awake, too. But why does it have to be now? But Shi-u didn't fall asleep even after 10 minutes or 20 minutes. I got up again and held Shi-u. They say babies fall asleep well when they hear their mother's heartbeat, right? I tried to put Shi-u to sleep by holding him. After holding him for a while, Shi-u slowly started to close his eyes. "That's right, let's sleep, Shi-u." I gently rubbed his back, waiting for Shi-u to fall asleep. And when I thought he had fallen asleep and tried to lay him down in the crib, he opened his eyes again. "Huh?" And he frowned, about to start fussing. Is he going to cry? No, no, Shi-u, no! No way! I quickly held Shi-u again. Then Shi-u became quiet again. Don't make Mommy suffer.... I struggled with Shi-u for over an hour, and gradually dawn began to break. When I thought he was asleep and tried to lay him down in the crib, he would start fussing again, so I had no choice but to keep holding him. "I'm a little tired...." I did sleep for a good 5 hours, but I still felt a little tired. Holding him for so long made my body feel stiff. With the usual strength of a woman, my arms would have been sore from holding him for so long. I yawned widely and left the bedroom with Shi-u in my arms. "Shi-hyun is sleeping so comfortably." I felt like messing with him, but I held back. I'll leave Shi-u with him when I sleep later. Shi-u didn't end up sleeping, and it was time to breastfeed again. He's really eating comfortably. Why couldn't he just sleep soundly? It's just the beginning, and I couldn't say I was already tired. After feeding him for a while, Shi-u coughed and threw up what he had eaten. I realized my mistake. I was too tired to control the amount I was feeding him. I heard that babies can't control themselves and will eat endlessly, so you have to be careful.... "I'm sorry." I wiped his mouth and gently rubbed his back to induce a burp. Shi-u ate his fill and then started to close his eyes. Is he going to sleep now? I quickly changed his diaper and laid him down in the crib, and he finally started to sleep. "Now I can rest a bit." Finally freed, I was about to lie down when another problem occurred. "My milk is leaking...." Wasn't Shi-u full enough? I sluggishly looked for the breast pump and pumped my milk. Why is so much coming out? Pumping from both sides yielded 100mL. Should I leave this with Shi-hyun? I'll store it in the refrigerator for now and head to the bed. "Ugh... I'm tired." Looking at the father and son sleeping so peacefully, I felt content. And strangely, they looked similar. Is that what they mean by father and son? I lay down between them. I felt a strong sense of family. Before Shi-u was born, it felt more like a couple, but now, because of Shi-u's existence, it felt more like a family than a couple. "Hehe...." Ah, I'm tired... I need to sleep. * When I woke up, quite some time had passed. "Ugh! Shi-u!" I quickly got up and looked at the baby crib next to me. Shi-u wasn't there. "Huh?" "You're awake?" Ah, Shi-hyun was holding Shi-u. "Yeah." "Did he wake up in the early morning?" "Yeah, I changed Shi-u's diaper and everything." "Thanks for your hard work." "Did you feed him breakfast?" "Yeah, it was in the refrigerator, so I warmed it up and fed him." "Good job." He took care of everything without me even saying anything. Looking at the clock, it was past 9 o'clock. Did I sleep for about 3 hours? I was glad Shi-hyun woke up on time. "Parenting is tough." It must be because it's the first time, right? While Shi-hyun took care of Shi-u, I prepared breakfast. Shi-u was sleeping peacefully like a baby should. I laid him down in the bumper crib in the living room, covered him with a blanket, and ate breakfast at the table. Even while eating breakfast, I kept checking on Shi-u. As if the fact that he tormented me at night was a lie, Shi-u was well-behaved all day. Of course, he cried when he wanted his diaper changed, but that was it. He slept well and didn't fuss. And he tormented me again at dawn. It wasn't that his days and nights were reversed, but I had to wake up to feed Shi-u at a similar time as yesterday. I checked on the internet during the day and it said that you only need to feed them once in the early morning, but I wasn't used to it yet. I also wanted to quietly feed him and just change his diaper while he was sleeping, like I saw in the posts. But why is he awake again! At least this time, I woke up before Shi-u started crying and quickly took care of things. But he still wouldn't sleep. "Shi-u, you need to sleep." I walked around the bedroom holding Shi-u, coaxing and soothing him. Shi-u seemed to like it, and his eyes were wide open. When I laid him down in the crib to sleep, he would immediately frown and show his displeasure, but when I held him, he wouldn't sleep.... After struggling for over an hour, Shi-u fell asleep, and I went back to sleep too. And when I woke up, my chest was wet. "Ah... it leaked." Damn it! Didn't they say that breast milk production gradually increases? Why am I producing so much! Is it because my breasts are big? Mi-ra said she was worried because she didn't have enough breast milk! Why me! I sighed. Shi-hyun was still sleeping, and checking on Shi-u's condition was more important than cleaning myself. I carefully checked on him so he wouldn't wake up, changed his diaper, and went to clean myself. "Sigh, is this going to keep happening?" Should I say it's fortunate? Only my top was a little wet. Some people's clothes get completely soaked or even the bed sheets get wet if they have a lot of milk. I was afraid that something like that would happen to me later. "Eh, it won't happen." It won't happen.... * And during the week that Shi-hyun was here, I diligently learned about parenting firsthand. I was relieved that Shi-hyun was here, so I could leave Shi-u with him when I was tired or having a hard time, but I was worried about what to do when I was alone. After trial and error, I was able to learn a lot about babies. I got used to waking up once in the early morning to breastfeed and change his diaper, and I was able to wake up around the same time. Maybe Shi-u got used to it too, because he tormented me less in the early morning. Shi-hyun, who had been resting well, was finally going back to work today. "Are you sure it's okay for me to go?" "Yeah." Shi-hyun was worrying unnecessarily from the morning. "Are you going to be okay alone?" "I have to be." It wasn't a matter of being okay or not, it was something I had to do. "If it's too hard, call your mother-in-law." "I'll take care of it myself." Shi-hyun still had a worried expression. I gently grabbed and shook Shi-u's hand, who I was holding. "Have a good day at work." Shi-hyun looked at me and Shi-u and smiled bitterly before leaving the house. "Leave a message if anything happens." "Okay." He was really worried. I understood. Today was the first time I was parenting alone. I was worried, but I could get help from Mi-ra if things got urgent. I laid Shi-u down in the living room and did housework. While working, I checked on Shi-u frequently, and after finishing the simple housework, I quietly watched over Shi-u. And whenever I had time, I pumped my milk. I really produced a lot of breast milk. Even after feeding Shi-u enough, I had over 200mL of breast milk left over each day. The bigger problem was that the amount of breast milk I was pumping was increasing, as if my breast milk production was increasing. Is that why? I was worried because breast milk leaked every time I woke up at night. "Keung...." Did Mi-ra say she didn't have enough breast milk? Should I give her what's left over? I suddenly felt a chill. Why? "Ah, I don't know. I'll put it in the refrigerator for now."