Mikhail was a child born in an unplanned time.
Born to a mother who was a famous dancer in the empire and the second son of a family that strictly controlled social status, Mikhail was born at a time when no one expected him to be born.
The boy was unable to establish himself in the family, and the girl was born at a time when she loved her profession as a dancer.
Mikhail's mother's growing belly began to interfere with her dancing career.
For a career that showcased beautiful dance lines, the gift of pregnancy felt like poison. The woman, who wanted to preserve her reputation as a dancer, chose to retire, and Mikhail's father abandoned her and disappeared.
There was nothing a commoner dancer could do.
Even if it bore unwanted fruit, the world was not so easy that it would listen to the stories of ordinary people.
Even though their relationship began with love, the ending of the story was a bitter wound that left only hatred, so all that awaited Mikhail, who never saw the light of day, was resentment and hatred.
The woman hated the child in her stomach.
Because of this child, I think my life is ruined.
The person I love runs away.
Lost her job as a dancer.
Mikhail's mother hated him even before she gave birth, believing that the reason for her miserable life was because of the child in her womb.
-wah wah...
-Shut up.
-wah wah...
-Shut up! Stop crying all the time and just shut up!
When Mikhail's ears opened, the first words he heard were his mother's brutal curses.
The slang phrase "keep your mouth shut because you don't want to hear it" was learned faster than the word "mom."
-Shut up...
-...uh?
-Shut up!
-What did you just say!
Until he was two, Mikhail thought his name was Shut up.
Whenever I called my mom because I was hungry, she always said the same thing.
Still, Mikhail liked his mother.
Even though my mother was always angry and irritated, she was my only ally in the world. I waited for her after she came home drunk.
Although he had never stepped out of his tightly locked room, Mikhail loved his mother because she was his whole world.
And I liked my mom who came home after drinking.
Because on the day he came home from drinking, he hugged me tightly and said, 'I'm sorry, Mom.'
Has four years passed like that?
Mikhail's world began to expand more than before.
My mom spoke to me.
Because my mom started holding my hand and taking me for walks.
The walking course with my mom was always the same.
Buying candy from a store you frequent and standing there blankly looking down a deserted alley.
-Mom, why are you always looking here?
-...
-mom?
My mother held my hand tightly as I ate the candy, sighed deeply, and returned.
Although it was the same old routine every time, Mikhail loved every moment he went out with his mother.
Really.
Mom started working.
Instead of working as a dancer performing in front of high-ranking officials, she started working as a waitress serving food at an adventurer's bar.
The days I drink alcohol have increased.
There are more and more days when I don't come home drunk.
Every time he came home, he would see me sleeping and sigh deeply.
I still couldn't forget my mother's monologue, 'I should stop hating you...'
Then one day.
A man I didn't know came to my house.
The man who introduced himself as father looked about five years older than mother.
The expression on the mother's face as she looked at the man who had asked her to call him "Dad" seemed to be a happy one.
My uncle bought me a toy.
I loved the moments when I laughed and chatted with my mom. Of course, he wasn't my real dad.
I knew right away that this man was not my father.
Should I call it intuition?
I just had a feeling that would be the case.
Three years like that.
Around the time the number of men who told me to call them dad had exceeded 10.
Mom came home with a stern expression.
-I'm back, Mom!
-...
-mom?
-Uh... huh?
My mother came home with a look of deep thought on her face, and smiled brightly at me.
My mother used to hate me a lot, but now she hates me just a little.
I smiled along with my mother's smile.
-thank you for your effort!
-okay.
My mother sat facing me, her makeup still on. She didn't smell like alcohol, so why was she being so kind to me? I asked her, my mind racing.
-Did you drink a lot?
-No. I didn't drink.
-wow...!
Sitting across from me, my mother stroked my head and hugged me. I stared at her, my eyes wide, feeling the warmth of her embrace.
Knock knock knock.
My mother, who was stroking me, whispered this to me.
-baby.
-huh!
-Does your baby like you?
-yes!
-Okay... So, do you want your mom to be happy?
-Yeah! If Mom likes it, I like it too.
-okay...
The first time my mom bought me a doll was when I was a kid.
A big teddy bear, not drunk but sober.
I liked the gift from my mom, who bought me my first teddy bear, rather than the toys my uncles bought me.
-Wow!
-Birthday present.
-really?!
-okay.
Whenever my mother saw me enjoying myself, she would smile bitterly. At the time, I didn't understand her smile.
This is the true feelings of a mother who is deeply troubled.
When night fell, I would fall asleep hugging my teddy bear. Holding the bear, which smelled strongly of my mother's perfume, made me feel like I was being held by my mother.
One day like that.
Two days.
Has a week passed?
My mom took me for a walk holding my hand.
Farther than where I usually go.
My mother was just stroking my head, smiling silently, as if she was going to a place of no return by carriage.
-Mom. Where are you going?
-...
-Are you going on a trip?
-huh.
-Wow. Are you going to see the ocean?
-The sea… Yeah.
My mother stroked my head silently, and the carriage, which had been running for a long distance, continued to roll without stopping.
As I got closer to my destination, I was breathing heavily with excitement. My heart was pounding at the thought of seeing the ocean I'd only seen in books.
-Mom, have you ever been to the beach?
-no.
-oh...
Mom's expression hardened as she got closer to the sea.
-Squeak.
The carriage stopped at a place I'd never seen before. The blue sea I'd seen in fairy tales was nowhere to be seen.
There was a bridge over which sewage flowed, and on the other side of the bridge there were houses that looked like they would collapse at any moment.
I hugged my teddy bear tightly and looked at my mom.
Because I was scared.
I was scared of the little kids glancing at me from across the bridge, and I was scared of the mice passing by.
And with an ominous feeling that I might not see my mother again, I hugged my teddy bear tightly.
Mom squatted down and looked at me.
He stroked my weeping cheek and said with a kind smile.
-Honey, I have something to do, so could you wait here for a moment?
I shook my head.
Without even wiping his runny nose, he just shook his head and held on to his mother, refusing to let go.
My mother held my hand tightly and said.
-Mom will definitely come back.
-...
-I really promise.
-promise?
-huh.
-Will you come when you're thirteen?
-Yeah. Mom's going to bring our daughter's real father. Just wait a moment.
I held out my little finger to my mom.
-promise...!
Mom smiled and linked her fingers.
-I promise.
I ran towards my mother, who was walking away. I had one last question.
-Mommy!
I fell to the ground and got a nosebleed because I was running on my short legs, but I shook it off bravely because my mother didn't like crying.
"Because I promised, because I said I'd come," I said, grabbing my mother's shirt without even wiping my bleeding nose.
-mom.
When I looked back, my mother was crying.
It was the first time I saw her cry in front of me.
I looked at my mom and said.
-Why are you crying? Mom said she wouldn't give you a present if you cried.
"No. Mom wasn't crying. But, why were you looking for me, my daughter? I said I'd be back soon."
-that is…!
I wiggled my fingers and spoke to my mom.
-What is my name?
-...
-My mom called me, but what if I don't know?
Mom bit her lip and lowered her head.
-Come to think of it, I didn’t even give it a name… .
Mom stopped for a moment and spoke in a wet voice.
-mass.
-...huh?
-Misaya. Your name.
-mass!
-Yeah, Misa.
When I heard the name, I smiled and let go of the hem of my mother's clothes that I had been holding tightly.
I waved my hand vigorously.
-Have a nice trip!
-...
-Mom! Have a nice day!
-...
Mom never came back.
I waited for my mom.
He folded his fingers and said, 'One day, two days, three days.' The nightmare continued on and on.
I waited for my mother, ears pricked up, under the bridge where I had promised her, but she never came.
People I didn't know reached out to me, offering to help, but I would bite their hands and run away, hiding, over and over again.
A day passes.
Two days passed.
After three days, the dark thoughts in my mind began to turn into certainty.
I cried so hard that I fell asleep.
'When I wake up, my mom will be there.'
It rained particularly heavily that day.
It's cold.
Dark.
I didn't like it when my teddy bear got wet in the rain.
My body was cold, but my forehead was hot, so I slowly began to raise my heavy eyelids.
"mom..."
"..."
"mom..."
"I'm not your mom."
In front of me, a little boy was standing holding a cardboard box.
The little boy who was looking at me with a pouty face poked my cheek and said.
“It’s true….”
"..."
"Is this fate?"
"...mom?"
“I’m not a mom, but I’m not a dad either… um.”
The little boy said with a smile.
"Then is it your brother?"
Raindrops falling from her red hair fell to the ground along with the little girl's smile.
"Nice to meet you."
"..."
"My name is Lee Min-hyuk."
That was the first meeting between Mikhail and the red-haired boy.