Chapter 170: Apology – 9
Vivian spent a long time in front of my mother’s grave.
From a distance, I watched her.
Even after a proper apology, Vivian continued to visit my mother’s grave for days.
Perhaps it was because of the words that my mother had missed me dearly.
As if making amends, Vivian carefully unraveled the stories of her time away, speaking to my mother.
I hadn’t intended to eavesdrop, but in the cold northern lands, sound carried easily.
Fragments of her conversation with my mother reached my ears.
She endlessly praised me.
She spoke of how she had once resented me but had come to cherish me.
Whenever her praise became excessive, I put more distance between us.
It was embarrassing to listen to.
The members of my household must have noticed Vivian’s sincerity.
At first, they had looked at her coldly, but over time, their gazes softened.
Even Kayla was no exception.
Though she had not yet completely let go of her hostility, it was clear she had changed.
I had nothing to say, but knowing my mother’s nature, she probably would have forgiven Vivian.
To be honest, that was my hope.
Days passed, and as Vivian’s chatter gradually came to an end,
I spoke to her as she sat quietly in front of the grave.
“It’s enough now. You don’t have to sit here any longer. Let’s go back.”
Vivian shook her head.
“…Come to think of it, you honored my mother’s request.”
The Duchess of Rondor had once asked me to protect Vivian.
It was a long-buried memory.
I believed she had even written something about it in her will.
“…You showed my mother respect, but I…”
“…At the very least, I should do the same.”
At her words, I remained silent for a long time.
The cold wind began to blow when Vivian finally asked,
“…If it’s not rude to ask, how did she…?”
I knew she was asking about my mother’s cause of death.
I shrugged.
“An unknown illness.”
I had no reason to keep it from her.
Though I hadn’t wanted to say it, I had heard that the grief of losing me had worsened her condition.
That was what the physicians had told Kayla.
Regardless, it was true that no cause could be determined.
Vivian frowned and looked up at me.
“…And father…?”
I knew that by “father,” she was referring to my own.
I let out a short chuckle but still answered her properly.
“They take after each other, I suppose.”
My father, too, was struggling with an unknown illness.
Even in this sorrowful situation, there was something ironic about it
My mother and father were suffering from identical symptoms.
It was both heartbreaking and oddly fitting, as they had always resembled each other.
Vivian didn’t respond.
She simply fell into quiet contemplation.
A week after Vivian’s arrival, my father lost consciousness again.
Aside from Eleanor and Reginald, no one shed tears.
Everyone had already prepared for this moment.
I was no different.
No child would welcome such a situation, but I couldn’t help but feel it was a small mercy.
At the very least, I could be there for his final moments.
Since reaching adulthood, I had reunited with him, said everything I needed to say, and everything I had wanted to say.
I knew there were many who never got that chance.
So I tried to be grateful for what I had been given.
And yet, one unfilial thought continued to linger in my mind.
I had spoken to my father about it.
And as he always had, he gave me the same answer—
A smile, and a simple, Do as you wish.
I called for Kayla.
She didn’t shed tears, but the atmosphere around her was undeniably heavy.
It was a shame to bring this up in a situation like this… but I had to.
It was a conversation that had to be settled the moment our father passed away.
“You should take over as head of the family.”
I told Kayla.
As expected, her expression twisted in response.
“…Are you still saying it’s too much for you? Brother, if that’s the case—”
“That’s not it.”
I gently interrupted Kayla.
Then, stepping closer to her, I whispered calmly.
“I can no longer feel this land as my home.”
It was a conclusion I had reached after much deliberation.
It was still a cold place.
The food didn’t suit me.
The culture had become unfamiliar.
The only thing keeping me here was my family.
But my friends, my acquaintances, the person I loved—they were all in the South.
I once thought I would live my whole life in this nest, but in truth, it was time for me to prepare for independence.
No matter how much I loved my family, I couldn’t live with them forever.
Even without further explanation, Kayla seemed to understand my words.
She parted her lips slightly, staring at me before finally speaking.
“…Are you saying you’re going to the South?”
I didn’t deny it.
“This is the land you protected. It’s yours, Kayla. And the land I protected… lies down there.”
“Brother, but…!”
“Don’t be too afraid, Kayla. You’re simply continuing what you’ve always done. And besides, things will be different this time. If you ever need help, I’ll always come back for you.”
That seemed to comfort her.
She didn’t oppose me as strongly as before.
Instead, confusion, worry, and surprise filled her eyes.
I smiled at the sight of her.
“Do you really have no ambition at all? You’re seriously just handing over the entire family to me? You know better than anyone how many foolish mistakes I’ve made.”
“But… still, you’re…”
“You only hold me in high regard because I’m your brother. The truth is, aside from swinging a sword, I don’t know how to do much else, Kayla.”
“…You’re underestimating yourself too much. Do you really think someone could bring down the entire Order with just a sword?”
I didn’t bother answering and simply spoke again.
“I already told Father about this.”
“…Did he not disapprove?”
This time, I let out a short laugh.
“You’re the one underestimating yourself, Kayla. When he heard you’d become the head of the family, he seemed relieved.”
Kayla’s gaze wandered for a while before she looked up at me with uncertainty.
Understanding what she wanted, I spread my arms.
Perhaps she had been trying to act strong after hearing the news of becoming head of the family.
She hesitated for a moment—then, softly, she leaned into my embrace and whimpered.
“…What if I fail? I’m still just a woman, Brother… I only pretend to be strong, but I’m not as tough or steadfast as you…”
“I’m just pretending too, Kayla. Everyone has moments of weakness. Just because you feel shaken or anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.”
“But… but what if the family collapses because of me…? What if I lose my mind for even a moment…?”
“If you ever stray off course, I’ll be the one to tear you down and set things right.”
Kayla flinched.
Then, she let out a small chuckle.
Her once-tense body relaxed even more.
“…Why does that actually make me feel relieved?”
She murmured.
“…Alright, I’ll trust you and give it a try.”
I threw her one last jest.
“If it gets too overwhelming, just pass the position to Reginald when he comes of age and come to the South.”
Kayla laughed again at that.
“I just might.”
***
That late night.
—Creak.
Vivian visited my room.
Even though we had confirmed our feelings for each other, there were still many unresolved issues between us.
Besides, neither of us truly felt at home in this land… so sharing a bed or anything of the sort felt unnatural.
That was why we still had separate rooms—yet she had come to see me.
“…Did you come here for that?”
I asked as she entered.
Vivian understood what I meant.
But if that had been her intent, she quickly abandoned it.
Her face turned red, and she cleared her throat, looking away.
Instead, she sat down at the table in my room and waited for me.
Realizing she had something to say, I approached her.
There would be plenty of time for intimacy in the future.
I had waited my entire life for this—surely, I could wait a little longer.
But contrary to my expectations, Vivian didn’t start with what she wanted to say.
She began with an excuse.
“I-I mean, I haven’t properly bathed yet… and, uhm, the North still feels unfamiliar….”
“…Huh?”
“A-and, well, your father is still unconscious… so maybe now isn’t the right time… But! Next time, for sure—”
I let out a small, amused laugh.
Vivian, flustered by my reaction, turned even redder, her expression twisting into one of embarrassment and irritation.
I had to take a moment to soothe her.
“…So?”
I returned to the main topic.
Vivian regained her composure, her expression turning serious.
“Kailo. It’s… hard to bring this up, and it might not be my place, but…”
“Just say it.”
At this point, was there anything we couldn’t say to each other?
If we had only seen each other’s best sides, there might have been things we wanted to hide.
But we had already revealed all of our worst, most shameful moments to each other.
No matter how difficult the conversation, it wouldn’t change how we felt.
“…It’s about the witches.”
I immediately understood why she was hesitating.
There had to be a significant reason she was bringing this up.
Vivian pressed her lips together tightly for a moment before looking straight at me.
“I think your father might have been cursed.”
I blinked in surprise, unable to respond immediately.
“…What?”
“Your mother might have suffered from the same curse. I can’t help but worry since both of them collapsed from an unknown illness.”
Vivian explained why she had come to such a conclusion, watching my hardened expression.
“Your father… I mean, the ‘Undefeated Knight,’ was a powerful figure who once commanded the continent. Like you, he had the unique resilience of a Northerner. Of course, even someone like that can fall ill suddenly, but… something feels off to me.”
“People don’t believe in this kind of thing, so no one really considered it. But since I was once a witch, I can’t help but view it from this perspective.”
“Do you remember, Kailo? The Count of Corrode—he also died from an illness. Compared to him, your father endured for much longer, but… if we assume that you and your father share similar vitality, it makes sense that he was able to hold on for so long.”
“…What exactly are you trying to say?”
I asked Vivian.
No matter what she said, it would only make me despise witches even more.
This doubt was bound to gnaw at me endlessly.
Would I be left with regret and resentment for the rest of my life?
Perhaps Vivian understood this as well.
She spoke with certainty.
“I want to take your father to Loctana.”
She grasped my stiffened left hand.
“…Most people don’t know this, but a curse weakens when the witch who cast it is far away.”
I had experienced this firsthand.
When I was away from Vivian, my hand became stiff.
But when I got closer, it moved again.
Now that Vivian had lost her witch’s power, my left hand remained rigid… but still, her words were becoming more convincing.
I couldn’t even bring myself to question them anymore—not after what I had been through.
“If the witch who cursed your mother and father is still in the North… then the moment we take him to Loctana, he will recover. He’s strong, after all. But… whether his body can withstand the journey is another matter.”
That was something I had to consider as well.
I nodded.
Vivian continued.
“I could be completely wrong. If we take him south… we don’t know if he’ll… if he’ll close his eyes for the last time in a foreign land. But, Kailo, I promise you one thing.”
“If he makes it to Loctana, I will do everything in my power to care for him.”
In a way, this meant taking my father into enemy territory.
Though the resentment toward me had subsided, the people of Loctana surely still harbored hatred toward my father.
Even Kelsie, the treasurer of Rondor, had once told me that my father was responsible for his own father’s death.
Yet despite how Vivian’s vassals might react, she had made it clear that my father would be her priority.
“Your decision—”
“Let’s prepare now.”
I made my choice immediately.
Rising from my seat, I called for my retainers.
Vivian seemed surprised by my loud voice summoning them in the middle of the night.
Watching me make preparations, she asked again.
“R-Right now?”
I nodded.
“Yes. Right now.”