A fun school life has begun.
Fun means:
- Make them take out 500 won bills from their wallets, then hit them on the head with that many.
- Put the lunch box in the trash can, pour water over the trash can, and then pick it up again.
- After taking her underwear, tear it up and throw it in the bathroom trash can.
- Calling them out and harassing them during breaks or lunchtime.
There are many different ways to bully.
High school students are an age that is neither an adult nor a child.
I'm at an age where I know everything.
If you don't get help, are isolated and bullied, you can't help but feel discouraged.
And, what kind of bullying will I face after this class ends?
What kind of trouble will they pick on me and harass me during lunch today?
This kind of mindset itself is what makes people exhausted and causes them to collapse.
And, someone who has never experienced it.
Student body president, happy family, lots of friends, problem-free school life.
A person with that background—the very fact that he went through something like this.
It heightens despair.
“Aejeong-ah.”
“….”
“No Ae-jeong!”
I come to my senses with a start.
Mother turned over the mackerel with a worried expression.
Put a piece of meat on my bowl.
“Are you okay?”
“Okay. It’s okay. Why all of a sudden?”
“You don’t have a name tag on your uniform.”
“….”
Oh my. I kept it a secret.
Well, we use the same washing machine under the same roof. It's even stranger that we can hide it for so long.
“What about the name tag?”
For a moment, I stared at the mackerel on white rice.
He opened his mouth quietly.
“School is a bit like that. The atmosphere.”
“….”
"All my friends hid their name tags and only wore them during class. That's the school atmosphere."
I lie, stirring the rice with my chopsticks.
"That's why I do it, to accommodate you. I can't help it. All my friends do it."
I eat the side dishes my mother lovingly prepared, and then I lie to her.
"I see."
Mom just answers like that.
Do you know or not, or do you know but just understand it that way?
Or maybe he just can't bring himself to ask his daughter anything else.
“Should I bring out the stir-fried anchovies?”
“No. It’s okay. I ate a lot at school. It was in my lunchbox today, too.”
“Is it okay? I changed the seasoning.”
“It was good.”
I didn't eat my lunch box today, nor did I taste the anchovies.
Because those anchovies are rolling around somewhere in the trash can on the second floor of Yeongmin High School right now.
"Summer vacations are so short these days. Back in my mom's day, we used to have two months. Now, it's only about a month…."
Mom, looking into my face.
He opens his mouth as if he is embarrassed.
"Oh my, look at my mind. Saying this to a kid on his first vacation."
“It’s okay. But winter break is long.”
“Come to think of it, you. You stopped bringing friends home after you started high school.”
Mom has a lot of questions today.
"Most kids there either work part-time or help their parents with their work. They're all busy."
"okay…."
Silence fell on the table.
“Eat quickly. It’s going to get cold.”
The only sound that rings in my ears is the clatter of rice bowls.
####
Noh Ae-jeong put in a lot of effort.
It's not like I haven't experienced something similar to school violence.
So it's not that I can't understand her feelings.
However, most of them end up submitting.
There are some lies in this world.
- High school students are less cruel than adults, and the intensity of bullying is also weak.
- Teachers who actively intervene and resolve school violence, and righteous friends.
- The perpetrator who reconciles and becomes friends after the school violence.
- I am the one who confronts school violence on my own and ultimately finds a solution.
It's all a blatant lie.
The distortion of the world.
Within the confined space of school, the perpetrator knows best the sadistic means he can use.
A teacher who does not intervene because of social conditions, human limitations, unresolved consequences, and my own comfort.
The most basic and fundamental human emotions. Because of selfishness and the instinct for survival.
Friends who don't intervene or help... well, I don't know if you can call them friends.
In most situations, humans do not harm themselves.
I refuse to do anything that will harm me.
Even more so if that is compounded by fear.
In the early days, Noh Ae-jeong resisted very fiercely.
The student body president who had a clear and blue middle school life without ever experiencing school violence.
It's a natural reaction she could show.
Try yelling. Try talking to other kids.
I've been to the teachers' office several times and even called for advice.
Try it… Try it… Try it again… And try it again… .
Winter of first grade.
The former student body president gave up resistance.
The moment I was dragged to the bathroom in the corner of the hallway while the kids were chattering.
Noh Ae-jeong gave up on resistance.
I accepted everything.
####
"it's annoying."
"What? Your dad didn't give you any allowance? That's just how all Korean boys are."
“No! Not that. Money is what it is. Just wag your tail at Jungwoo oppa again and ride him for a bit.”
“Wow, you dated that guy? Isn’t that too much…?”
“You want to give up? I don’t mean it.”
"then?"
"He just plays with me like a toy. That idiot gets paid for that."
"But it still makes me feel dirty. I won't date anyone else until I meet a good guy. I don't want to date a Korean guy."
“What do you want me to do? You crazy bitch, why is a Western man dating you?”
"Yeah. I plan to become a goddess someday. I've already saved up all the money for plastic surgery."
“But what’s so annoying?”
Yoon Mi-yeon spits out phlegm mixed with cigarette smoke on the floor.
“It’s the end of the year.”
“Ah, no, no.”
“Yeah, that fucking bitch.”
That motherfucker is in front of you right now.
I realized why Noh Ae-jeong hated being called Noh Ae-noe.
A homeroom teacher who is indifferent to the children and just survives day by day in this hell.
When they call my attendance.
It's because of a mistake.
“No Ae-jeong… No, the name is vague. Ae-jeong? Ae-jeong? If you’re using the character for love, then it can’t be E.”
Since then.
Those bitches call me Noaeno.
Not even knowing how to write a love letter… .
“How can you hold out so well, you little bitch? Yeah? You keep holding on with the strength of your dick every night, fucking your dad?”
“….”
"Miyeon, what are you talking about? What are you holding on to?"
“Oh, you new-headed bitch.”
Yoon Mi-yeon raises her hand and hits the head of the guy next to her.
“What the hell are you doing! You crazy bitch!”
“It’s weird… Normally, I would be a complete idiot at this point.”
The other girl tilted her head as if she didn't understand.
“Are you already a cripple?”
"No. It's only going to get worse. That girl is holding up too well. At the very least, she should've shed a tear in front of me."
“I’ll cry alone at home. Because I’m a sick person.”
"hmm…."
Yoon Mi-yeon got up from the desk where she was sitting.
“Hey! Miyeon! Where are you going?”
The little ones follow her out of the classroom.
In the classroom where dusk is falling, I am now the only one left.
This shitty school doesn't even have self-study. No, it does have some, but it's literally just self-study.
So when the sun goes down, there are no idiots left.
Unless you're a bully like me.
####
The school grounds of Yeongmin High School are bright red as the sun sets.
The sunset is so red that it seems as if the world itself is burning red.
At this time, I find this place.
Library.
As expected from a school of its size, the library is in the old building, not the new one.
In other words, it is on the first floor of an old school building close to an abandoned building.
This place is no longer used. Even the smoking idiots don't come here.
There's a bad rumor.
Rumors of ghosts howling at night.
Even the punks seem to be scared of being taken away by ghosts.
“….”
I went into the old library and closed the door.
If you go to school early in the morning, first hide your lunch box here.
And when a long day is over, I come back here and open a book.
Exactly one hour. One hour of freedom granted to a human named Noh Ae-jeong.
A space where no one comes and no one approaches.
In a library with a musty, dusty smell, Noh Ae-jeong opens a book.
There aren't many books in this old, abandoned library.
However, Noh Ae-jeong found a book.
“When I’m angry, I eat a lunch box.”
I take out my lunch box and chew on the stir-fried anchovies.
It's delicious, it feels spicy in your mouth.
“When tears fall.”
I take out the book.
I think it's a relic left behind by a senior who escaped from this school a long time ago.
A classic among classics, first printed in 1982.
“Monte Cristo.”
The book was very interesting.
However, I was unable to move forward in the book.
“I wonder what will become of Edmond Dantes….”
I always put the book down at that point.
The moment Dantes becomes a count, will he succeed in his revenge?
Or will it end in revenge—forgiveness or some other ending?
I was afraid to check it out, so I couldn't move on to the next part of the book.
“What the hell, what kind of police are you lecturing? Are you surprised at the level of Hannam?”
"That's why I told you not to burn it there. It's a place where there are a lot of idiots running around, so they report it all the time."
"Oh really, God Yang-nam should rule Korea. It's like we're back in the Japanese colonial era."
I tried to do it.
Hide the lunch box, or put the book back.
Or I was going to do something.
Like a little rabbit hiding in a shabby way, like a tiny mouse trembling in its hole.
I tried to do something like that.
But, it was too late.
“No one comes here. It’s completely abandoned.”
"But why don't the seniors hang out here? Isn't this a really great hangout?"
“They say there are ghosts.”
“I heard you say something, Mom.”
And then, with a creaking sound, the library door opens.
I can hear the sound of Noh Ae-jeong's last paradise collapsing.
"reel."
Eyes meet eyes.
"what's this?"
Like a leopard that has found its prey.
Yoon Mi-yeon looks down at me, licking her lips.
"Our Noah Noah, Chairman. Have you ever eaten in a place like this? I don't see any lunch boxes that should be thrown in the trash these days."
A giggle. A mocking sound. A mocking sound.
And the sound of the old wooden door closing again.
I hear a sound.
The sound.
####
Seasons pass, school years change, and time goes by.
As first grade becomes second grade, most children begin to adjust to the real world.
People like Yoon Mi-yeon.
Whether it's a thug, a bully, or a school bully, the terminology itself is different.
Those guys who have existed in every era occupy the upper caste.
I decided to just call them Brahmins.
And most of the kids, the kids who are bystanders.
Of course, sometimes you have to offer tribute to the Brahmin, or if you feel bad, you get hit.
Basically, they live a life of submission and burial under Brahman.
Even Brahmins do not touch them unless it is a special case.
I call them Kshatriyas—that's too much.
I decided to call her something like Baisha.
And underneath it all, there I am.
A child with no connections to school bullies. A child who has been bullied in the past or doesn't fit in well with other groups. A child who arrived without any connections and struggled to adapt.
Or like me, a child who ended up like that.
The reason doesn't matter, but after a year, the ranks are completely fixed and never change.
This is the caste system of Yeongmin High School. The untouchable life that never changes.
I am a Shudra.
Probably the lowest rank among the Shudras.
What do you know?
“Hey, Yujaemin. Why the fuck aren’t you paying?”
Yoon Mi-yeon's little brother giggles and pats Jammin's head with his foot.
Ah, yes. Praise the great school that sends even the untouchables on a fair trip.
We are on a school trip now.
Of course, there are no reserved seats on the bus.
It is divided naturally.
Shudras are usually assigned the five seats in front of the back row.
So that the higher-ups can easily harass them.
So, Yujaemin and I are now sitting there as good partners.
I am receiving countless requests for harassment from Brahmins.
“Jammin, would you like to be paired with Noaeno?”
"no."
“No, no, no. No, it’s no~ No, no.”
As Yoon Mi-yeon imitates that tone of voice, the two little ones start laughing excitedly.
I realized this because we're in the same class this year.
Yoo Jam-min was very slow to speak.
Perhaps that was the reason why he avoided talking.
Disability… No. I don’t think so.
Anyway, since we are all disabled ourselves, we are in no position to call anyone disabled.
Anyway, it's not like I have any special condition. I was just born with a slow speech rate.
Of course, that alone is already out here.
Other friends a few seats across from me.
They are completely ignoring this aspect of us and just turning a blind eye.
Unless the Shudra commits suicide or flies away to another place.
By the sacrifice of the Shudra, the Iljins will not touch you.
It's a great structure.
"Jammin, be honest. Then I won't bother you. Okay?"
“….”
“You like Noaeno, don’t you? Damn it. You think I don’t know that you’ve been stealing glances at Noaeno since middle school?”
"no…."
“It’s Annyu. It’s Annyu. Fuck Anniya! Sochu Hannam bastard.”
"Miyeon, keep your voice down. Your homeroom teacher's been feeling a bit down lately, so you might get in trouble for nothing."
“What the hell is so scary about that kind of girl?”
“Oh, come on! I don’t want to be called in again and write something.”
“Oh, right. You’re a zero-language person.”
Yoon Mi-yeon tapped her shoulder as if she was annoyed.
In a slightly smaller voice, I bring my face closer to Yujaemin, who is sitting next to me.
"Every time you were getting ripped off by us, Noaeno would always come to your aid, right? Yeah? The student council president of Justice would always come running to you and save you like some magical girl. Right?"
“It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t that so? Is that so?”
Yoo Jam-min turned his head slightly towards Yoon Mi-yeon.
He opens his mouth in a squeezing voice.
“Aejeong… does everything well.”
"what?"
Yoon Mi-yeon squinted her eyes.
The two little guys who were watching YouTube while spitting saliva also turned their heads in that direction.
“Aejeong, it’s not just me who’s like that.”
“….”
“Aejeong is kind to everyone.”
Oh, please.
I understand your intentions.
I glance at Yujaemin, who is talking with his fists clenched and his hands shaking.
It must take a lot of courage to squeeze out your words.
No, I get that… .
“And, it’s not Noaeno.”
To Yoon Mi-yeon who was dumbfounded, Jammin spoke very slowly.
But he tells me point by point.
“Because affection is affection.”
"and."
Miyeon spreads her arms as if she is in high spirits.
“Hey guys, did you hear that just now?”
"What? I couldn't hear you because I was watching YouTube. We had earphones in our ears."
“Aejeong is Aejeong.”
The little bitches take the earphones out of their ears.
“What the hell are you talking about? You want to play word chain?”
“Our Jammin… I didn’t know that.”
Yoon Mi-yeon turned her eyes and looked at me.
Wink wink.
“You really like affection, don’t you?”
“No. I don’t like it.”
"okay?"
“Because Aejeong has the right to be happy.”
Yoon Mi-yeon closes her mouth.
Oh, crazy.
That means agreeing with what was said, or being moved by what was said.
That's absolutely not the case.
"For three years. Because I worked harder than anyone else. So— because later, you'll meet someone good... So..."
“I won’t listen to this son of a bitch! I really want to see you.”
“Hey! Yoon Mi-yeon!”
Thirty-nine, the female homeroom teacher glares at the third failed blind date.
That woman, like Yoon Mi-yeon, is a woman we rarely see.
He is the only one who messes with the female bullies at school.
Of course, that doesn't mean I'm interested in students at all.
“Do you really want to get expelled?”
“Oh, yes, sir. I’m sorry.”
“Be quiet.”
And then, the homeroom teacher turns his head again and puts on the sleep mask.
“This crazy old maid is going crazy. Damn it.”
While Kkobong was muttering while looking at her like that.
Yoon Mi-yeon looks at us sitting there one after another, her voice much softer and smaller.
“This school trip, we had a lot of free time, right? Yeah?”
“….”
"Our Noae Noae. I've been out with my brothers lately, so I haven't been able to play with you much. You must be upset."
And Yoon Mi-yeon stuck out her tongue and licked her lips.
“This time, I’ll play with Jammin a lot.”
And then she laughed.
With a distorted expression that had nothing of the essence of laughter to be found.
“Look forward to it.”