Planting the seeds of love was so difficult.
It was so easy to pull out the root.
Setting up life goals one by one was incredibly difficult.
It was so easy to fall endlessly into darkness.
“Don’t you regret it?”
Someone asked.
The cat that climbed on my shoulder and made a fuss, and the masked man who killed people as if it were nothing.
Someone else, no one else, asked.
“I don’t regret it. It’s my choice.”
"I see."
Regret is, in fact, similar to looking back at a fragment of myself.
In other words, if you don't do something you'll regret, you won't have any regrets.
“Really, are you okay?”
“Then, I’m fine.”
Even if it's not okay, there's no way back for me now.
This is the path I have chosen.
A human named Noh Ae-jeong, not under anyone’s direction, coercion, or persuasion…
It's a path I chose myself.
“Still, are you really okay with this?”
“Over and over again….”
I screamed into a world that seemed somehow empty.
“Don’t ask me over and over again!”
My voice was shattered into pieces.
Like a frozen fragment of winter, it floats away somewhere.
And then, the vision returned.
####
“If you don’t want to ask me over and over again, why don’t you just answer properly?”
“….”
“Hey, Noh Ae-jeong!”
I suddenly open my eyes and look in the direction of the voice.
“Sorry, sir, but there’s a line behind you….”
"Hey! You really want to get in trouble? Don't you want to choose quickly? The only difference between A and B is whether you pay an additional fee for the Clown Flume Ride!"
I see the face of the female employee who looks troubled, and John's face who looks angry for some reason.
what?
“What are you?”
"what?"
“You… were alive? The devil… no, how on earth did you survive?”
John looked at me like I was a crazy bitch.
He sticks his head right in front of my nose.
“I’m still alive, but I might die soon because of you.”
"Oh, students. Hurry up and choose. The kiosk is already broken, and it's making it even more frustrating."
“Can’t you see the person waiting behind you?”
Behind us, there were at least a few dozen people lined up.
I rub my eyes and check my vision.
Beautiful cherry blossom trees in full bloom, with a variety of pink, purple and red flowers.
A tired part-timer handing out balloons, and children chattering loudly as they take the balloons.
And a huge sign engraved with colorful letters.
“Come to Evaland, the land of illusions~”
One of the part-timers shouted out a comment like that and handed out balloons.
A child gets hit in the face by a water balloon thrown by him.
“You fucking son of a bitch….”
An employee who appears to be a manager coughs.
“Welcome to Evaland, the land of dreams and illusions.”
"Mr. Jongbin. This isn't a hallucination, it's an illusion. How many days of training have you had, and you still can't even say basic things?"
Noisy staff, laughing children, happy-looking parents, happy-looking couples.
Evaland, Korea's largest theme park located in Yongin.
I was standing at the entrance.
“Ah! This is going to be crazy! Hey! No Ae-jeong!”
John calls me in a voice that sounds like he's going to explode.
“B… B please!”
The ticket booth employee, as if he had been waiting for my word, immediately printed out the tickets and handed them to us.
“Have fun at Evaland!”
####
“No, do you have any thoughts or not? Huh?”
“….”
No matter how much I think about it, this is definitely Evaland.
A place I came to visit with my parents once when I entered middle school.
The perfect place for families and couples to spend their holidays.
“What day is it today?”
"What? Is this the amnesia concept now? Are you having a hard time managing your grades these days?"
“What are your grades?”
John glances at me as if he doesn't want to respond.
“It’s not fun.”
“No, really. Are you talking about grades… college grades?”
“Ha, this is driving me crazy.”
John swallows the mint ice cream he was eating in one bite, then opens his smartphone and looks at the clock.
“By the way, why are these guys so late? That’s why we should’ve met at the station… I told you, being ten minutes late is standard for men.”
“Who are you waiting for now?”
"Yeah, I get it. You're the Doctor, a time traveler with amnesia. You fly around the universe in a phone booth. I like the concept."
“No, that’s not it….”
In that gap, I quickly look at John's phone.
It's already well past the second week of April.
That means, Kali Yuga… .
I try to recall my last memory.
What was I doing just a moment ago?
For some reason, I don't remember at all.
As if that doesn't matter now.
“Ah! There it is! Hey! Guys! It’s here!”
John waved his hand.
From the ticket booth entrance in the distance, I see two men walking towards us.
“Oh, you’re a little late!”
“Brother, you’re 15 minutes and 24 seconds late?”
“Well, that’s about it… You didn’t wait that long, did you?”
“Well, oppa, it’s all finished by the time it takes to boil the water for the ramen.”
“Honey, that statement is a bit misleading….”
“Brother, which of you came out late?”
“….”
“Again, oppa, you came out late?”
“I remember well….”
“Also, Jammin prepared everything… but Oppa came out of the dorm late, right?”
“I don’t remember that either.”
John raises his elbow and hits his boyfriend's side.
“Ugh… Our base is on the left slope of Namsan Mountain….”
John raises his other arm and grabs his boyfriend's side.
“Oh my, there’s no way around this guy.”
“Huh…?”
“I have no choice but to get married quickly and live with her. Right?”
“No, that’s too fast….”
John's consecutive side punches! The effect was amazing!
“Ah… honey. I hit a bone.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“Then… I’m the only one….”
While the foolish couple was talking.
My eyes widen more than a baby's when it sees a carrot.
"ah…."
A man a little shorter than me.
But for some reason, the new height has grown a lot.
Just like my ideal type
My ideal type was a man who was about a foot taller than me.
Exactly that height.
As for the appearance, I think it was originally my taste.
The shoulders that look a little more voluptuous somehow make me want to wrap my fingers around them and hug them.
And the neckline, which is just a little thicker, is dizzying my eyes.
"what…."
“What do you mean, he’s your boyfriend.”
While John was chuckling.
Tears are flowing from my eyes.
The tears that flowed silently flowed down my chest.
For some reason, it falls down along the chest of my beautifully decorated blouse.
“What the heck! Why is he like that?”
“Uh… Did you say you were harassing her while we were away?”
“No!”
"thank god…."
I look up at him, sobbing like an idiot, my voice hoarse.
“I’m so glad….”
“Hey, people are all staring at us. Please.”
“Thank goodness… Really… I’m so thankful….”
A gentle body temperature touches my cheek.
The handkerchief held out touches my cheek.
I grabbed the handkerchief with trembling hands.
I look up at him with a tear-stained face.
A man who smiles brightly at me.
That man.
Clearly, it was Yoo Jam-min.
####
The stupid couple left us behind.
I held Yujaemin's hand tightly.
As if, if I let go of his hand, he'll fly away.
Like that, holding the guy's hand tightly.
I quietly lean my head on his shoulder.
Very warm, warm, and pulsating.
The shoulders of the living Yujaemin.
“How long are we going to hold hands?”
"forever."
“Hmm, then I guess there’s nothing I can do. I was just trying to see something good.”
“Good thing?”
I opened my eyes wide and looked up at Jammin.
“I cannot hide my affection for you.”
“Ah. Digitalis.”
“Here, they have a special flower exhibition every spring. Didn’t you know?”
“I don’t know. But if that’s what you’re saying, then so be it.”
"Since when have you become a subordinate person? Are you the student body president?"
“I don’t know that either.”
Yujaemin smiles and comes to rest his head against mine.
My face suddenly turned red.
“What are you doing!”
“It’s okay.”
"what?"
And then, Yujaemin turns his head away from me.
“Since you’re still screaming, it must be the chairman I know.”
"you…."
“You have to live like that, my girlfriend.”
“Do you want to mess with me?”
For some reason, Jammin seems a little more manly than the Jammin I know.
No, that's not it.
It's exactly like the upgraded Yoojaemin that fits my ideal type.
No… but, was it like that originally?
Love is about adjusting to each other, right?
so….
"If you don't come quickly, you might not be able to see the digitalis. There's a limit on the number of visitors to the greenhouse there."
“That… Say that quickly!”
Jammin is reaching out to me from a little distance away.
I quickly grabbed his palm.
With the attitude that he would not let go again.
####
“Are there originally this many different colors?”
"Because we've gone through repeated breeding. Wild species don't have this much color differentiation. It's all an artificial result."
The greenhouse at Evaland was literally filled with flowers.
An indoor greenhouse on a scale much larger than Namsan.
And today, at the center of it all were digitalis.
Red, purple, lavender, vermilion, crimson, lime, yellow, dark yellow, brown, and even blue.
Digitalis flowers of various colors are shining brightly, showing off their appearance in a truly messy manner.
It's like a heavenly garden.
“I feel sad somehow.”
"huh?"
Jammin looked at me with an expression of incomprehension.
"No, that's right. These flowers—they didn't bloom these colors because they wanted to. They're all colors that humans combined to make them look good."
Saying that, I opened my mouth just a little.
Check Jammin's expression.
“What I’m saying is, is that a bit too much?”
“No, I can certainly think that way.”
Jammin reaches out his finger to an unknown butterfly flying near the digitalis.
The butterfly quickly flew up onto Jammin's finger.
It folds its wings and sticks out its cute antennae a little.
“But that too is just a human thought.”
"huh?"
“Think about it. Flowers of colors that don't exist in the wild—it's true that they were created because of humans.”
Jammin sends a butterfly flying.
The butterfly is far away, beyond the greenhouse.
It disappears into the distant sky.
“If it weren’t for that human, that flower would never have seen the light of day.”
“….”
"The flowers in this greenhouse, and the butterflies sown here, are the same. As you said, they are clearly creatures born of human hands, with some artificial influence involved…."
Jammin is now looking at me, not the flower.
"If I hadn't been human, I wouldn't have had that opportunity, that chance to see the light of life."
“It’s paradoxical.”
“Because our lives themselves are paradoxical.”
I sit quietly and look down at the digitalis flowers.
It is a beautiful flower that bloomed because of humans, but ultimately lives because of humans.
Is that the contradiction of life?
“Digital is poisonous, so you shouldn’t take it carelessly.”
“I know. You told me about it before, Jammin.”
“That’s why I like digitalis.”
“Why? Are you dreaming of being poisoned?”
Jammin smiles faintly at me like that.
“No. Because of the poison, no one will approach.”
“….”
“I don’t like it when people approach you.”
“Oh… Who the hell is coming! Are you an idiot?”
“To be honest, men would probably be tickled by someone like you. Because….”
The scent of digitalis strangely tickles my head.
Inside the moderately warm greenhouse, only butterflies spread their wings and fluttered about.
It's strangely quiet.
Far away, outside the greenhouse, the sound of couples talking can be heard.
So, I am in a digitalis paradise without people.
I quickly stole my boyfriend's lips.
“….”
Yujaemin opened his eyes wide as if he hadn't expected it.
I pull out my slightly drool-soaked lips.
"this…."
“I don’t like any other man besides you. Don’t you get it yet?”
“No, I know that….”
I am again like an unknown female thief who climbed over a wall in search of a prince.
I tried to bring Jammin's face like that.
This time, the prince was ready too.
“It’s fatal.”
"I?"
“Yeah, you’re so lethal.”
“Whether you like it or not, it’s not that I hate it, it’s fatal….”
“Because people keep coming to my mind… That’s why I can’t stand it anymore… That’s why…”
You're too, lethal. Yoo Jam-min.
The second kiss was a little sweeter.
Because we were both a little nervous, some of the thick saliva seeped under our tongues.
It tasted a little sweet somehow.
“It’s the same for you too.”
"I don't know."
"Now that you're a college student, you should act like an adult. Don't you think so, Mr. Chairman?"
I quietly put my handbag down in the digitalis flower garden.
With both hands now free, he wrapped his arms around Jammin's shoulders.
I put my hand on my boyfriend's shoulder and gently hugged his neck as if I was giving him a hug.
"you…."
“Because I don’t really know what it means to be an adult.”
“….”
“Jammin, can’t you tell me?”
“What a scary chairman.”
“Didn’t I tell you before? I’d never let you go.”
We felt each other's hair, each other's body temperature, even each other's slightly tense skin.
In the paradise of digitalis, we kissed.
As if mixing the body itself, sharing body temperature sufficiently.
We kissed like that.
In the scent of digitalis.