"Ah, Yeseul unnie. The grateful one who appears to comfort me when I'm struggling...
Come to think of it, maybe I unconsciously knew all along.
I've never referred to Yeseul unnie as a person.
While her form is human, you can't call a ghost a person, can you?
If we said things were the same just because they look identical, then we could eat food replicas too.
But I can't say Yeseul unnie doesn't exist.
She clearly comforts me when I'm struggling and gives me helpful advice.
"Noel. Just apologizing doesn't solve everything. You need to face your friends properly and see whether they accept it or not."
So in this situation where my heart is being torn apart,
The words Yeseul unnie offers me now
Must surely be helpful.
Actually, I already know this answer.
An apology doesn't excuse all wrongdoings.
If I apologized just to ease my own conscience, that would be one thing.
But with my relationship with Gabi and Jaemin on the verge of falling apart, abruptly leaving like this
Could be interpreted as me never wanting to see them again.
"Yeseul unnie is right... But after what I said, would Gabi and Jaemin even want to hear me out?"
"Are you going to keep avoiding each other? Emotions can fade with time, but they can also intensify the more you dwell on them. Isn't leaving it to chance irresponsible?"
"That's true, but..."
Yeseul unnie, always saying the right things.
But this time, it just sounded cruel.
Like she was asking too much of me.
But by that logic, what I said to Gabi and Jaemin was truly cruel.
I blurted out the story about losing my foot and then just walked away.
So I need to fix what I broke.
I have to untie the knot I created.
Even knowing it will be painful and heartbreaking.
With the mindset of a tower-climbing masochist who enters a fight knowing they'll lose.
Finally, I stopped hesitating and turned around.
Perhaps the encouraging fact was that neither of them had abandoned me.
Gabi and Jaemin were still standing where they were before I turned my back,
Looking at me with concerned eyes.
I felt guilty seeing them still standing in this scorching sun.
And grateful too. They could have just left me after my harsh words, telling me to live with it.
But they stayed, looking at me with sympathy.
How could I have felt jealousy toward such kind people?
I had already convinced myself that Gabi and I could never be together, yet I still harbored excessive greed.
Now I can sincerely say that being just friends is enough for me.
No matter who Gabi dates, I'll genuinely wish for her happiness.
So please just let me remain friends with them.
...But I can't actually say that.
They'd be confused if I said something so out of context.
If I tried to explain, I'd have to reveal my unsavory feelings.
Then Gabi and Jaemin might look at me with contempt.
While I don't like lying,
I also know sometimes it's better to leave things unsaid.
For instance, if a friend comes from a difficult financial situation but doesn't show it and stays cheerful.
If it's something I'd never know unless told, something I don't need to know,
Do other kids really need to know about it?
Good news should be shared widely, and bad news shared to find solutions,
But sometimes there are matters that touch on people's sensitive emotions.
"...Um, guys. I don't think it's right for me to just say my piece and leave."
So I came back saying that.
Gabi and Jaemin made strange expressions when they heard me.
Perhaps they were confused by my sudden humility after I had been sarcastic and walked away.
"Um... Noel. Is Yeseul unnie with you right now?"
"What is she saying to you?"
Ah, so that's what it was.
Of course, neither of them can see Yeseul unnie.
So no matter how much I respond to what Yeseul unnie says, to others it just sounds like I'm talking to myself.
But since both of them know about Yeseul unnie to some extent, they can talk like this.
The problem was that we were still streaming.
Everyone now knows I'm a crazy person who talks to herself.
But I couldn't blame Jaemin for streaming either.
We had been streaming all along, and she couldn't have predicted I would say something like that.
I never asked her to turn it off, and I should have been more mindful about answering Yeseul unnie.
It was just that in the confusion, I responded as usual.
"Y-Yeseul unnie would be visible to you if she were here. I was just talking to myself. The viewers will misunderstand."
"I turned off the stream after we got your diagnosis at the hospital. I figured we wouldn't be able to visit another fortune teller, so I said I'd turn it back on later. It's just us here, so you can be honest."
When I tried to brush it off,
Fortunately, Jaemin had already turned off the stream.
Thanks to that, I could be honest.
"That's good. Yes, Yeseul unnie is here. Thanks to her, I didn't leave and was able to come back to you guys..."
"Did Yeseul unnie tell you to talk more with us?"
"Yes, that's right. She always gives me helpful advice when I'm struggling or feeling lost."
"Do you have any idea when Yeseul unnie usually appears? Since she's visible in broad daylight, I don't think she's a ghost."
"Yeah... I think you're right. Looks like we don't need to visit shamans after all."
This way, I could satisfy Gabi and Jaemin's curiosity.
And incidentally, if she were a ghost, she wouldn't come out in bright sunlight like this.
Of course, there's no law saying ghosts can't be active during the day,
But ghosts are typically associated with darkness, needing shadows, having gloomy energy.
But since Yeseul unnie doesn't leave any physical traces,
By this point, I think it's fair to say that, as Gabi suggested, Yeseul unnie is indeed a creation of my mind.
Of course, in a world where men can become women, she might be someone from a parallel universe.
But if that were the case, we wouldn't be having this leisurely conversation—some government agency would have come looking for us.
Anyway, even though they can't see her,
At this point, they can't deny Yeseul unnie's existence.
If I had been alone, I would have left and deeply regretted it.
But she helped me change my mind and reopen the lines of communication with these two.
"But Noel, I still think you should go to the hospital. I understand that Yeseul unnie gives you good advice and supports you a lot. But if you get too caught up in it, you might start confusing reality and fantasy. Like just now."
But Gabi's words were concerning.
I was planning to go to the hospital anyway.
To find out whether Yeseul unnie is a hallucination or not, I need to go to the hospital.
Though they said it was for managing streamer stress,
We were all probably aware of the real reason without having to say it.
But what is she saying now?
This isn't just about getting a diagnosis—she's completely denying Yeseul unnie's existence.
With that mindset, going to the hospital means declaring that seeing Yeseul unnie is an illness.
And an illness is something that needs to be cured.
That must be what she's thinking.
I wanted to shout at her not to take Yeseul unnie away from me,
But I couldn't. Not when it was Gabi saying it.
Yeseul unnie, who stayed by my side when I was at my lowest.
And Gabi, who I've known since childhood and who recently reconnected with me, supporting me in every way.
Unable to give up either one,
I could only plead tearfully to Gabi.
"Gabi... Are you trying to get rid of Yeseul unnie? You can't. She was there for me when I was at my lowest. If it weren't for her, I would have just died. How could you..."
Both Gabi and Jaemin looked at each other after hearing my tearful words.
They seemed to be trying to figure out what to do.
But instead of their voices,
Yeseul unnie's voice reached my ears first.
"Noel, it's natural to seek medical help when you're unwell. Your friends are right. You've suspected it yourself. That you created me because you needed me. Because you needed someone to tell you what you wanted to hear."
...How could she say such things after hearing she might disappear?
Hearing that, my face involuntarily contorted.
I felt like I could burst into tears at any moment.