195. Siwoo is growing (25)

Shi-hyun was eating and chatting with his friend, and I enjoyed watching them from the side. I couldn't join the conversation because I couldn't reveal the truth, but just listening to my friends' stories was quite enjoyable. "I'm going to go wash Shi-u a bit." "Okay, be careful." I wiped his hands and mouth with a tissue, but it didn't feel clean, so I went to the bathroom to wash him. "Shi-u-ya, let's wash your hands." "Yes." I took him to the bathroom and turned on the tap to a moderate flow, and Shi-u washed his hands by himself. I put a little foamy soap on them so he could wash them thoroughly. After he washed his hands, I washed his mouth for him. "All clean now, right?" "Yeah!" "Let's go back." I took Shi-u back to our seats, and Shi-hyun had brought some fruit for dessert. "Do you want some fruit?" "Hmm...." "Apple!" It seems Shi-u wants an apple. I mashed the apple finely with a spoon and chopsticks to make it easier for Shi-u to eat, and fed him little by little. After eating dessert and resting for a while, Hyun-woo and Ha-eun-unni, dressed in Hanboks, were walking around greeting people, as if the ceremony was over. After waiting for a bit, Hyun-woo and Ha-eun-unni came to our seats as well. "Thanks for coming." Hyun-woo came to our seat and said that first. "Of course, I had to come." "Su-hyun-ssi, you came too." I just smiled at Hyun-woo's fuss. "I met a great person thanks to you and Su-hyun-ssi." I don't know what to say. It's true that he met her thanks to us, but the result was due to his own efforts. "You're the one who worked hard." "What are you talking about?" "It's thanks to you two that I met my wife." Ha-eun-unni was smiling gently behind him. "Really?" "Shi-hyun-ah, introduce us to some women too!" "Shi-hyun must know a lot of women! Why only Hyun-woo!" Normally, this situation would have been embarrassing, but Shi-hyun was just looking at them impassively. "You guys figure it out yourselves. I've never introduced anyone. We just went to the Gate together." That's not wrong. I didn't exactly introduce them. "Keuk! You lucky bastard!" The friends looked at Hyun-woo enviously. Seeing that, Hyun-woo became smug and showed off his unni as if asking if they were jealous. "You guys should try too. There might be a connection somewhere, right?" The friends envied him and then cursed at Hyun-woo. Hyun-woo enjoyed it even more. After chatting like that for a while, Hyun-woo and unni headed to another place. "Ugh, I'm so jealous!" "No, they say marriage is hell! Hyun-woo will end up like that too!" "Not really?" Shi-hyun poured cold water on them again. At Shi-hyun's words, the friends looked at us enviously. "Damn it! Why only Hyun-woo and Shi-hyun!" Even though their appearance has changed, their inner selves haven't changed much. "I should head back soon." "Don't you want to see the others?" The others? Thinking about it carefully, there were quite a few friends who weren't here. Are they gathered somewhere else? "Well... it would be nice to see their faces...." Shi-hyun looked at me and Shi-u. I also looked at Shi-u. Shi-u seemed uncomfortable and was struggling. It wasn't just the crowd, but it was too noisy for him. I smiled bitterly. If it weren't for Shi-u, we could have stayed a little longer. "Yeah, the kid comes first." "Go on." "Sorry about this." "No, it's enough that I saw your face." After saying goodbye to my friends, I left the wedding hall. Only after going to a place with fewer people could I finally put Shi-u down. Shi-u, feeling stuffy, started wandering around as soon as he was on the ground. "Shi-u-ya, don't go too far." "Okay." "It's good to see friends." "Is it?" "Yeah, I'm relieved to see that everyone is doing well." There were many deaths due to the Gate Break incident last year. There weren't any among my close friends, but since so many people lost friends or family, I was worried that there might be victims among my friends as well. Seeing that there were no such stories, it seemed there were no victims. "Shall we go home now?" "Yeah." I looked around the wedding hall for a moment. Hyun-woo-ya, congratulations on your marriage. Unni, congratulations on your wedding. "Shi-u-ya, let's go home." Shi-u, who was a little far away, ran to me as soon as he heard my voice. He ran so fast that his feet got tangled and he almost fell. Of course, Shi-hyun, who saw that, quickly lunged and caught Shi-u. "You have to be careful." Shi-hyun picked up Shi-u, and he smiled brightly, happy about it. When we arrived home, I felt it would be a shame to just go inside, so we went for a walk. As if releasing all the stuffiness he had felt, Shi-u ran around energetically, and we were busy following him. "Mommy, water." "Here." After drinking water, Shi-u started wandering around again. There were many stories in parenting communities about how hard it is to keep up with kids' energy, and experiencing it firsthand was indeed amazing. If we weren't Awakeners, we might have had a hard time too.... Shi-u, who had been playing for over two hours, finally got tired and asked to be held, so we took him home. It was a fun day, seeing friends after a long time. * The sweltering summer was coming to an end. I also took him to the playroom in the apartment complex, and there were really various equipment. There were slides, a ball pit, a trampoline, and quite a few children were running around happily. Shi-u was staring blankly at it. I knew it was a good place for older children to play, but coming here made it feel even more so. If I sent Shi-u into that group, something terrible might happen. "Shi-u-ya, shall we go somewhere else?" "No!" Looking around the facility, there was a space where children of Shi-u's age could play. I took him there and let him play. Shi-u, playing with balls in the shallow ball pit, looked really happy. He moved through them with his body or threw the balls he caught, playing in a completely different way than usual. Even if he fell, the balls acted as cushions, so it was safe, and there were no other children around, so there was no worry of bumping into anyone. On the way home with Shi-u, who had played enough, I asked him if he had fun. "Was it fun?" "Yeah!" I wanted to give him various experiences, but I couldn't think of much. He needs to grow up quickly so we can go around comfortably.... When will Shi-u grow up? But I guess it's not good for him to grow up too quickly either...? * In the fall, I took Shi-u to see the autumn foliage. I didn't know if Shi-u could enjoy it, but I took him, and Shi-u just ran around and played happily whenever we went out. I wondered if he was really enjoying it. Shi-u was now entering 18 months and started potty training. To be precise, it wasn't about distinguishing between pee and poop, but about training him to say he had gone. I could roughly figure it out by looking at his actions now, but the goal was to have Shi-u recognize it himself and say it. Once that was achieved, we could move on to the next training. The training was actually effective, and Shi-u properly came to me after his bowel movements and asked me to change his diaper. As I became more accustomed to parenting and Shi-u grew, a sense of emptiness arose in one corner of my heart. What kind of emotion is this? I don't know. Will I ever find out? It was a really complicated feeling. While I was worrying, Shi-hyun was playing with Shi-u. The campervan we used to travel around for expeditions was quite old, so it needed to be checked, and some repairs were found, so it was currently at the car center for repairs, which was why Shi-hyun was resting at home. "Are you worried about something?" "Just...." I wanted to know my own heart too. "It's not a big deal, is it?" Maybe it isn't. I don't know exactly, but... maybe it will come to me if I keep thinking about it? "I don't know." Shi-u kept clinging to his dad, enjoying playing with him. Watching Shi-u and Shi-hyun play, I could realize my heart. This feeling is that. I'm sad that Shi-u is growing up. I'm sad that the loveliness of when he was a smaller baby is disappearing, and I'm sad that Shi-u, who used to rely on me for everything, has grown up and can act on his own. "What a selfish heart." It's natural for him to grow up. It's ridiculous that I'm sad about that. I had to pay attention to him so much that I couldn't take my eyes off him, and it's natural that I feel empty now that that's gone. "Mommy?" Shi-u, who was playing with Shi-hyun, came to me. "What's wrong?" "This." What Shi-u handed me was a sweet potato. A peeled sweet potato. It seems Shi-hyun gave it to him, and he brought it to me. "Thank you." I praised Shi-u as I received it, and Shi-u showed a bright smile, happy about it. I divided the received sweet potato into small pieces and handed it back to him. "Ah." "Aaaah." I put the sweet potato in Shi-u's mouth when he opened it. "Is it delicious?" Shi-u, munching on the sweet potato, nodded. I also ate the remaining sweet potato. It was well-steamed and sweet. Someday, Shi-u will have a rebellious phase and puberty, right? It's still a distant future, but I was scared. If Shi-u changes drastically or says he hates Mommy.... "Shi-u won't hate Mommy, right?" Shi-u tilted his head, not understanding the meaning of the words. "Shi-u-ya, you like Mommy, right?" "Yeah!" At Shi-hyun's words, Shi-u answered loudly. "Mommy wuv!" I felt like bursting into hollow laughter. "What were you thinking so hard about?" Now that my thoughts were organized and I knew, I could tell Shi-hyun. "Just, I'm sad that Shi-u is growing up." "Really?" "Yeah, I felt like he would always be in my arms, but now he does so many things on his own, right? It's amazing, but also a little sad." "You're sad about that?" "A little?" "Then there's another way." "What way?" Shi-hyun showed a playful smile. The moment I saw that, I felt a chill down my spine. What on earth is it that makes me feel like this? "You can have a second child." "......." I was speechless. A second child? If another child is born, I'll have to devote myself to childcare again like before. Then this emptiness will disappear too. But a second child is still premature. "I don't know about that." "Really?" "Unless Shi-u wants a sibling, I haven't really thought about a second child." More than that, a second child.... Is it definitely worth having a second child? If it's a girl, it might be the best? Shi-hyun had a disappointed expression. "How many do you want?" "Well? Before Shi-u was born, I didn't really want to have children, but after Shi-u was born, my mind changed." I felt that way too. I had fantasies about children. But after actually giving birth, it was better than I imagined. "Let's think about it when Shi-u is a little older." "Okay." Shi-hyun was still disappointed. I poked Shi-hyun's side slightly. "Hey, you're not doing this because of nighttime activities, are you?" We do it a few times a month, but the frequency has decreased significantly compared to before childbirth. Shi-hyun, who is in his 20s with a strong sex drive, might have a hard time enduring it. I stared intently at Shi-hyun's expression, but he didn't even blink an eye. "What do you take me for?" "A 20-year-old with a strong sex drive?" Shi-hyun looked at me strangely. "Then we should go to bed early today." At my words, Shi-hyun flinched and reacted. Shi-hyun's emotional expressions have increased too. He used to have few facial changes and was taciturn. As Shi-hyun and I were talking alone, Shi-u got upset and squeezed in between us, grabbing us with both hands to get our attention. "Shi-u-ya?" "Me too." "Here, here." I gave Shi-u the sweet potato I was holding again. It didn't seem like that's what he wanted, but he still liked it when I gave him attention. "Shi-u must have been lonely." "I guess so." "Shi-u-ya, shall we sleep together today?" "Togethah?" "Together." "Yeah!" I'm sorry Shi-hyun, but Shi-u comes first! I'm going to sleep with Shi-u today.