Chapter 312: That’s Not It
It was unusually quiet.
Even if we discount the fact that the post-processing wasn't our responsibility…
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
Everyone was looking somewhere else.
Jang Chae-yeon, with her eyes closed as if she didn't care.
Yu Daon, repeatedly opening and closing her mouth as if something was making her itch to speak.
Song A-rin, staring out the window with eyes swollen to the point of being puffy.
Park Ye-eun, glancing at me furtively and asking with her eyes what was going on.
The Team Leader, just driving.
And me, ignoring everything while holding the Manual in my arms.
Many thoughts crossed my mind.
This wasn't the first time I'd seen Song A-rin cry.
There had been a few times she'd choked up in front of me before.
But it was the first time she'd cried this hard.
I recalled what I had said.
What could have made her so sad?
No, maybe I wasn't the problem to begin with.
Don't get a big head, Kim Jae-heon. You're not the kind of person who can hurt people so easily, nor are you the kind who can make them so happy. You mustn't forget that everyone has their own individuality.
Even as I thought that, it was funny how I was still mentally replaying everything I'd said.
"…"
If there was anything I said that could have hurt her…
It was probably telling her that since she wasn't helpful, she should go call Yu Daon and Jang Chae-yeon.
Should I have phrased it more gently?
Something like, 'Your help is plenty, but go and bring more help,' or, 'I can handle it alone, so go and survive.'
But if I had, would Song A-rin have actually listened to me?
Knowing the Song A-rin I know, she absolutely would not have.
She would have looked at me with a confident expression, insisting that she could handle it herself.
It's not that I don't understand her feelings.
I was feeling something similar myself.
If only I had done better.
I quietly stroked the cover of the Manual.
If I had managed things so I never had to look at that particular entry, this wouldn't have happened.
But both she and I had simply failed this time.
"We're here."
I must have been lost in thought, as I snapped back to reality at the Team Leader's call.
"Ah, we're here already."
"Yeah. And get some rest."
"Ah, yes."
"Your expression doesn't look so good. The others… are the same."
The Team Leader's gaze drifted towards me and Song A-rin, but the fact that he didn't single the two of us out was probably his own way of being considerate.
"Yes. But I have something I need to do."
"Shall we come too?"
"That's right, Jae-heon ssi. We can…"
"No."
"Uh…"
"Ah…"
At my answer, the two of them fell silent.
I stopped them as they tried to get up, bowed my head to the Team Leader, and said,
"Thank you, Team Leader. I owe you my life today."
"…Yeah. Next time there's something like this, don't call me."
The Team Leader let out a small sigh, tapped me on the shoulder, and I got out of the car and went into the Management Bureau.
Where should I go?
Where do I have to go to get the Manual fixed?
Honestly, only one place came to mind right now.
I pressed the elevator button for the Branch Chief's office.
The elevator doors closed quietly, and as I went up, I couldn't help but keep looking at the Manual.
Should I say something?
But if I do and this thing wakes up again, I'd feel bad.
What should I do?
While I was agonizing like that, the elevator doors opened. The moment I hurriedly tried to step out, a firm hand grabbed my arm.
"Kim Jae-heon ssi?"
It was a familiar voice.
The Branch Chief was looking at me.
"Looks like you're finished?"
"Branch Chief."
She looked at me, and without a moment's hesitation, I held out the Manual to her.
"She's sick."
"…Pardon?"
"She's sick. Please find a way to fix her."
"Wait, wait a minute…"
"Branch Chief!"
"Just a minute."
As I raised my voice, the Branch Chief placed her index finger on my forehead and looked at me.
"I know you're in a hurry, but follow me first."
Then, without listening to me further, she dragged me along.
-Thud!
After opening a door and going inside, she looked at me.
"Explain."
"…"
I looked at her, then slowly explained.
How I'd been trapped inside the video, what had happened there, and how, when I opened the suicide entry, the Manual had burned its own pages to create a way out for me.
"…"
After hearing me out, the Branch Chief closed her eyes, crossed her arms, and let out a small sigh.
"I see."
"Branch Chief?"
"She'll be fine with time."
Then, she opened her eyes and looked at me.
Her red pupils were fixed on me.
"Of course, it will probably be very difficult. From your perspective, Jae-heon ssi, it must feel like having one of your own arms torn off and given as food."
"…"
So, doesn't that mean a massive physical loss?
"Of course, the Manu… …al isn't like us. She won't die or suffer permanent injury from having an 'arm torn off,' so don't worry too much."
She spoke as if to reassure me.
"…But if you're too worried, you have the gift I gave you, don't you?"
"…"
I looked at the bookmark stuck in the Manual.
"This?"
"Yes, that."
"How do I use it?"
"Wouldn't you be the one who knows that, Kim Jae-heon ssi?"
At my question, the Branch Chief scratched her cheek and spoke as if she found it awkward.
"But it seems like you've used it before?"
"…"
I silently looked at the bookmark.
Well, it's more accurate to say that thing dragged me along rather than that I 'used' it.
"I understand."
"…Kim Jae-heon ssi."
As I turned to leave, the Branch Chief called out to me from behind.
"That's what I think."
As the Branch Chief's voice reached me, countless thoughts rose in my mind.
What would the Branch Chief say to me?
Would she tell me not to be swayed by emotion? To be more cold and rational?
Would she say that to climb high in the Management Bureau, one must get used to the death of colleagues?
"We can't protect everything."
"I understand."
Just about what I expected.
The moment I tried to move my feet, the Branch Chief continued.
"Nevertheless, I think we must strive to protect everything."
I turned to look at the Branch Chief. She was smiling brightly at me.
"A position attained solely through sacrifice is just empty and difficult. I hope you can either climb with loved ones and close friends, or overcome hardships together and share the joy afterward."
Her smiling face looked quite sad.
"…I'll keep that in mind."
I, too, could only nod and agree with her words.
*
After going home, I laid my tired body down on the bed.
But it wasn't just to fall asleep.
After inserting the bookmark, I placed the Manual by my bedside.
I usually fall asleep as if knocked out, but today, sleep was unusually elusive.
Just as I was thinking that…
"…You came?"
A tired voice reached my ears.
I sat up and looked back. Somehow, I was already standing, and in front of me was a child looking at me with a weary smile.
With her left eye covered by her hair, she looked at me.
"You're quite the handful, too. It's not even that big of a wound."
"…"
"Don't worry too much. I'm fine."
She smiled softly and trudged over to me, placing her hand on my arm.
"You survived, didn't you? That's all that matters."
"…"
What should I say?
I had many things I wanted to say, many things I should say, but I didn't know what to say.
I could only look at her.
"Your wound?"
In the end, the first thing I brought up was about her injury.
"I got hurt. But it's better if you don't see it."
She smiled and covered her left eye even more with her hair.
"Don't be like that, if I just see it—"
"No."
She cut me off firmly and looked up at me.
"If you really care about me…"
-Tap.
Her index finger tapped my arm, and she closed her eyes.
"Will you just listen to my story?"
"…Yeah. As much as you want."
"Good."
At my words, she smiled and slowly opened her mouth.
"You'll go to the Accounting Team, right? Then you'll be surprised to find that you can handle pretty much anything."
"…"
"There's a lot of overtime, but that's always the case at the Management Bureau. While you're working overtime like that, the entire Accounting Team except for you will be wiped out. The cause is the Butterfly's Dream."
She continued speaking.
"You're one of the few survivors. What do you think you'll do?"
"…"
She turned her face toward me.
"Huh? What would you have done?"
"…I'd make sure something like this never happens again."
"Right."
She smiled.
"You'll put all your effort into making sure this never happens again. While isolating countless containment objects like that, you eventually get trapped in a video and can't get out."
"…"
She opened her eyes and looked at me.
"And, only at the very end, do you meet me. I tell you about what you're going to experience, and what do you say?"
"…There's nothing to be done."
"Right."
Hearing my answer, she laughed brightly.
"You're always like that. 'There's nothing to be done.' Then you say, 'Then I'll give you my memories.' and hand over your memories and records to me. And then, without missing a single syllable, you say the exact same thing."
She looked at me again, as if asking me to tell her what I would say.
What would I say?
"…Keep it safe and use it when needed, or give it away. But don't overdo it."
"…Right."
She nodded and gripped my clothes tightly.
"You don't change. Even if the world ends, even if everyone curses you, even if everyone loves you. Even if I change and sway like a buoy, you are always you."
She looked up at me.
She was smiling, but she was crying.
"…To save you, I handed you over. I don't regret it. It just hurts my heart. I'm afraid because the path you've walked has been so hard, and the path you'll walk in the future will be so hard and lonely."
"…"
I slowly reached out and wiped her tears away with my thumb.
She shook her head and looked up at me again.
"I'll lead you to happiness. No matter what happens. This much pain is nothing to me."
"…"
Happiness.
I opened my mouth to say something, and in that moment, I opened my eyes.
The morning sun stung my eyes, and the alarm hadn't gone off yet.
"…"
I silently gazed at the Manual.
What should I say?
"A happiness I gain through your sacrifice isn't real happiness."
That much, I could say with confidence.
The Manual didn't move an inch.
I looked out the window.
Dawn was breaking.