"Who was it that said our marriage was just like a couple who'd been together for decades? It was true.
Whether Gabi kissed me or not, nothing changed between us.
When I was streaming, Gabi going to attend lectures was normal, and I couldn't stop her from doing something important for her future.
Being apart for a while was only natural.
Eating dinner together was the same as always.
Just because we got married doesn't mean magical things happen like someone sitting on someone else's lap while being fed.
...Not that I particularly wanted that.
I just thought about it briefly.
I mean, anyone would think about being affectionate with the person they're dating.
Usually, people imagine a woman sitting on a man's thigh being fed, but in this case, I was thinking about being held by Gabi, so the positions were reversed.
Well, anyway, what can't you imagine?
It's not even a bad thought.
So sleeping was the same as always too.
Sleeping with Jaemin wasn't anything new either.
I guess you could say it was normal.
Jaemin hugs my arm while sleeping, burying my forearm between her breasts.
Gabi goes further and hugs my entire torso.
Both have bad sleeping habits but they're also peaceful.
They stop right there and don't toss around or snore.
Clearly, if it had been the old me, I would have felt a bit uncomfortable with this confinement.
Then I would have just fallen sound asleep with the warmth and softness I felt from both sides.
My male self would still be screaming that women's breasts are embarrassing.
But what can I do about them seeing me as just a young girl?
Making a fuss about it would be overreacting.
So I just act nonchalant about it.
Of course, that's possible because I've gotten somewhat used to it.
We've all passed out together after drinking before.
The first time is difficult, but I got through it unconsciously and without any issues.
After that, we've continued to be comfortable with each other.
But yesterday was different.
In the end, it all depended on my mindset.
When I just accepted it as no big deal, it wasn't a problem.
But when it became something significant, I felt I might need to seriously consider it.
The catalyst was, of course, Gabi's kiss.
Gabi clearly kissed me on the lips as a joke between girls, while only kissing Jaemin on the cheek.
But I found it hard to think of it as just a joke.
I wanted to ask what that kiss meant.
Why did she give me that eye smile?
Why did she kiss me on the lips but only give Jaemin a peck on the cheek?
I wanted to ask all these questions.
But when Jaemin, who witnessed it right beside me, didn't say anything, it felt awkward for me to bring it up.
Above all, we didn't have time to be alone, so there was nothing I could do.
So all night I lay awake, guessing Gabi's true feelings.
Was it really just playfulness between childhood friends?
If so, the timing was too coincidental.
Just recently during the wedding broadcast, what did Gabi ask me?
She asked how I would feel about her as a marriage partner.
Not long after asking that, she suddenly pressed her lips against mine.
Could there really be no connection between these two events?
Or am I reading too much into it?
With Gabi right beside me, I couldn't have a deep conversation about it.
Because Jaemin was there too.
And if I suggested taking Gabi to my place to talk alone, Jaemin would feel left out.
So I ended up in a situation where I couldn't do anything.
"My goodness, Noel. You look terrible. ...Did I snore a lot at night? Enough to keep you awake?"
Jaemin, who had been awkward until Gabi left for her first-period lecture, cautiously asked me this before we started streaming.
Hmm, I guess she was embarrassed to ask in front of Gabi.
If she were a man it might be different, but snoring isn't exactly aesthetically pleasing.
It's a flaw that's hard for a woman to readily admit.
"No, you were quiet. Why, did you snore before?"
"I don't know myself. I've been sleeping alone since kindergarten. And I've lived by myself. So I can't know what my sleeping habits are like. But you have dark circles under your eyes, so I wondered if it was because of me. Or did Gabi talk in her sleep? Should I switch places with you tomorrow?"
"No, no. You don't talk in your sleep. If anything, you did hold onto my arm tightly while sleeping. But it's not like my blood circulation was cut off, so it doesn't matter."
"Hehe, I can't sleep unless I'm hugging something. But are you really okay? Your face reminds me so much of the old days that my heart sank."
"Old days?"
"You know, that worn-out look when we first met. Skinny, with dark circles."
"Ah."
I reassured her appropriately.
Then Jaemin reminded me of our first meeting.
Come to think of it, what did I look like back then?
The sturdy branch I used to walk with broke, my phone was shattered.
It was quite a miserable day.
Thinking about it now makes me feel sad, but also grateful for the present moment.
That I played the game.
That I was suspected of cheating.
That it all reached Jaemin and Kanchona's ears—it was all because of good luck.
In a way, it could be called a miracle that I'm here now.
I might not have played League of Champions.
I might not have been so dedicated to gaming and just played casually before quitting.
People might not have suspected me of using cheats.
And Jaemin or Kanchona might have been indifferent to me.
It happened despite all those possibilities.
In terms of probability, wouldn't you call it a miracle?
Every moment was a miracle.
"Well, thanks to you guys, I eat well now and I'm pretty healthy. I've been thinking maybe I should start exercising soon."
"Hehe, you look good as you are, why exercise? Noel needs to gain more weight."
"...I must have gained a lot of weight if even you think so, Jaemin."
"Oh, that's not what I meant. Noel, you're still thin. Your legs are so skinny they can barely stand."
"With just one foot, even that's a bit difficult."
"Oh."
I felt shy because I was grateful.
So I teased Jaemin until she became flustered, then got up from the living room sofa to prepare for streaming.
This would make Jaemin sulk and start her broadcast.
I should go there and cheer her on in the chat.
Then the ever-forgiving Jaemin would get excited and have a fun stream.
And for me, regardless of Gabi's true feelings, we are friends now.
That will never change, so getting all worked up now won't change anything.
If every moment is like a miracle, the same goes for my relationship with Gabi.
Instead of being anxious and fretting over such trivial things, shouldn't I be grateful for everything?
I've already prepared myself for not ending up with Gabi, and I've accepted it.
Since feelings don't always go as planned, I'm a bit sad about it, but I have to accept it and I intend to.
But if by any chance Gabi has feelings for me.
If introducing me as a woman to her parents was because she had feelings for me.
If stealing my first kiss was because she still had even a little bit of genuine affection for me.
Then I should gratefully accept it.
As I told Gabi, I like her and think she would make an excellent spouse.
I just need to work on becoming someone worthy of Gabi.
Just as I was about to go broadcast with that refreshed mindset,
Hyunseo came out of her room with messy hair.
That alone wouldn't be noteworthy, but she was carrying packed luggage.
"Oh, Hyunseo. Where are you suddenly going? Heading home?"
"Huh? Ah, I'm flying out today so I packed in advance."
"Flying out? Oh, the World Championship?"
"Yeah. Since it's a seed spot that Noel earned for us, I need to work hard. No, I need to do well."
So that was today.
If I had become a coach earlier, I could have gone with them to give feedback.
But they've already submitted the roster, so it would be difficult to change it.
"Right, I'll cheer for you. I'll host a biased commentary stream."
"Hahaha, usually retired players are super critical of active players. Are you going to be like that too, Noel?"
"No way, of course not."
So I just cheered her on.
Of course, if she doesn't perform well, some sharp feedback will be waiting for her.
With Hyunseo going to shower and Jaemin already starting her broadcast,
I headed to my place to start my post-wedding day stream.
Perhaps this was to be expected too.
The viewers who were already connected to my channel before I even started streaming immediately flooded the chat as soon as the broadcast began.
- SilverPanthea: Did you enjoy your honeymoon, streamer?
- PolarBear: ARGGHHHHH
- FourMilkSawa: That one's still wailing
- Northry: What's this? You look too normal for someone who just enjoyed a honeymoon
Well, they all know it's not true, so they're just joking.
I should joke back, right?
"What if I really did enjoy a honeymoon? What would you do with those comments?"
- PolarBear: ARGGHHHHHHH