- TearRipper : Noel, explain yourself, explain yourself
- SilverPanthea : Come to think of it, how many explanation streams has the host done since her streaming debut? lol
- RegenMoonHealCrit : Professional explanation streamer
- Clocking : Wasn't Noel's first stream also an explanation? lol
- PolarBear : ARGGHHH
- SnowstormWarning : Anyway, explain what happened yesterday
Just as the viewers say, I've lost count of how many times I've had to explain myself since starting my internet broadcasts.
But lately, why do I feel like this isn't so bad?
It might be because even though they're just text messages, I can still sense the nuance behind them.
The playfulness of the people behind the messages, I guess.
At least there's no malice there.
I once thought text couldn't really convey emotions.
No voice, no intonation.
Just words and sentence structures that you use to guess what emotions the speaker might have.
Nothing comparable to meeting in person or at least talking through voice messages.
I did feel like I could sense pure human malice while gaming, but that's different.
That involved non-verbal expressions too.
Like intentionally dying to the enemy team or sabotaging your allies' gameplay.
Dying is simple enough—your health reaches zero and that's it.
Whether you get beaten by an enemy champion or executed by a turret, it's so straightforward that most people don't even think about it.
But sabotaging allies—that's where creativity comes in.
Creating walls or pillars to block your allies' path is a fundamental trolling method.
Or stealing the last hit on minions to prevent teammates from earning gold.
Or stealing experience points and denying growth opportunities from someone trying their best to win.
It evolves to the point where you wonder what kind of trolling you'll encounter tomorrow, and whether that itself becomes a kind of content.
But positive feelings are harder to see.
Unless someone explicitly mentions their tier going up or directly says they're happy.
Or unless they say something like, "Top lane is doing well, we just need to hold on and we'll win."
I can't tell if my teammates are happy when I don't join them and stubbornly focus on destroying the enemy top laner and demolishing turrets.
That's text communication for you.
Yet I can feel that playful banter in the chat.
It makes me laugh along with them.
"What happened? After the stream ended, we went to bed together. What else would we do on our wedding night?"
- PolarBear : ARGGHHH
- TearRipper : Does Noel even realize what she's saying right now...
- HS2000 : I want to make jokes too but when I see Noel's face I just can't...
- SilverPanthea : Everyone, hands off the keyboard!
- KiwiKimchi : Of course there's other stuff—counting wedding gifts and making a guest list
- Sistato : Guest list? Aren't wedding gifts good things? Why are you writing a Death Note?
- CRCE : No, you have to keep track of who gave you money so you can pay them back later... it's all debt
- Tasimula : ??? I thought wedding gifts were supposed to cover the cost of the wedding?
- KiwiKimchi : Death Note? You're crazy lol
- LexiaQueen : If someone invites you to their wedding and you don't attend their parents' funeral later, you instantly become trash lol. At minimum you should send money and pay your respects
I also like how they naturally start chatting among themselves.
Well, I always liked this atmosphere.
Until now, I was just the focal point bringing them together, feeling somewhat detached while focusing on the game.
But now I feel like I've truly become part of their circle.
So I just jump in.
"I vaguely thought that was how it worked, but hearing it now, it makes sense. You have to return what you receive in wedding gifts. Is this why older people used to say marriage is also a business?"
- TearRipper : These days it's better because people do small weddings like you did, but back in the day people would send out tons of invitations trying to profit from their wedding
- MissingBnB : Yeah, I see posts about this on Blind all the time lol. "Do I really need to attend this person's wedding?"
- Sistato : I think I've seen those a lot too
- PotatoSweetPotato : Why haven't I seen them? Because I'm unemployed?
- qkrtncks7816 : Oh...
- SilverPanthea : ㅠㅠ
- Underworld : If you're unemployed, just say your situation doesn't allow for much of a gift and enjoy the free meal—that's a win
"Hmm, that makes sense. But if you're calculating profit and loss like that, it seems exhausting. Maybe it's better to just gather both sets of parents and really close friends for a meal."
Looking at these chats makes me feel a bit wistful.
After all, most of my relationships were cut off when I became a woman.
When my phone changed, I couldn't contact my previous friends anymore.
I don't even know their numbers.
Even friends who were added to my game accounts have been out of touch for a long time.
That's because neither they nor I played League of Champions for a while, using college as an excuse.
I don't really like the expression "birds of a feather," but the friends around me were all studious kids.
I think I had decent relationships with my classmates, but I didn't really interact with kids who weren't interested in studying.
They probably thought we didn't have common interests.
Well, maybe things would have been different in college when people start calculating relationships.
But back then, we were pure.
No one approached friends thinking, "Hanging out with this person will benefit my future."
At least, I don't think they did.
So I only have one friend left.
Among the people I met in college, I wasn't particularly close with anyone.
Compared to friends I had through high school, my college classmates were merely business relationships.
Maybe that's good in situations like this?
I won't be getting wedding invitations.
"Heh, you all probably have lots of friends and weddings to attend. But I don't have to go to any! My only friends are Jaemin and Gabi, and I'm already married to them, right?"
That's why I can make jokes like this.
Of course, it's not a real marriage but one we did for a "We Got Married" content segment.
But saying I have no weddings to attend rather than few is more dramatic and funnier.
Analyzing jokes like this is what makes them entertaining.
- Dedica : I don't have friends either? No weddings to attend?
- Paralyze : ARGH why suddenly interested Terran
- ZealotYamatoOneShot : You mean infested Terran
- CucumberPickleMadMovie : Yeah, my friends can't get married either~ Housing is too expensive~
- Recoil : Isn't it because you're ugly?
- CucumberPickleMadMovie : Where do you live
- GFE2047 : Noel, what are you saying? Won't you attend your teammates' weddings?
- LexiaQueen : For real lol
- Iovercome : Breaking news: Streamer Noel won't attend teammates' weddings
- umemamo : She's saying no one except Jinseok is likely to get married
- DaddySunglasses : Even without looks, people with good personalities get married these days
- togopos : Are you saying I'm both ugly AND have a bad personality?
"No, no. Of course I'd attend my teammates' weddings. I'd be garbage if I didn't do at least that."
It seems my viewers have gotten used to my jokes now.
I was a bit taken aback by how quickly they counterattacked.
But these are the same viewers who used to create an awkward atmosphere with "Ah..." whenever I tried to joke around.
Shouldn't I be deeply moved that we can now exchange banter like this?
- BaeSukheeLaBinSukSeolheewon : Then if you could only attend either a friend's wedding or a friend's parents' funeral, which would you choose?
- SilverPanthea : Wow, that's difficult
- YongmunHighYasoMaster : The dead person isn't watching anyway, so isn't it better to go to the living person's wedding?
- OnlyPlaysTopJanna : Wow, I've decided to avoid Yasuo players from today
- WalkingCries : Look who's talking, Top Janna player
They even throw such difficult questions at me.
And this is too hard to approach as a joke.
It's practically a loaded question, even with a bit of exaggeration.
"Ah, this is too difficult. I should discuss this with Jaemin."
Bombs are best detonated together.
So I immediately opened the game client and called Jaemin.
- TearRipper : Why does she communicate through the game instead of CocoaTalk
- Wolvenwood : For real lol
- RushBSuka : CocoaTalk feature: Ignores the "knock knock" notification. Game whisper feature: Sees it immediately
- CucumberPickleMadMovie : For real, why would you look at your phone during a ranked game lol. You're already busy enough watching the game screen
- LexiaQueen : Like streamer, like viewers lol
But Jaemin answered without a moment's hesitation, even though I had just asked.
- Celesti : The funeral, right?
- Celesti : One person missing won't make a happy day less happy
- Celesti : Better to send a wedding gift and say "Sorry, someone's parent passed away" and go to the funeral
- Celesti : But I hear having someone by your side during hard times is really comforting
- Noel : When you put it that way...
- Noel : Did you lose your game? How are you responding so quickly
- Celesti : You're asking even though you know, right? lol
- Celesti : No, our support isn't human, seriously
It was a plausible situation.
Anyway, the funeral takes priority over the wedding.
Hearing it, I thought so too, and the viewers seemed to accept Jaemin's answer.
In the midst of this, another fork in the road appeared for me.
[Noel, you've been busy lately and not answering calls. I heard you're a professional gamer now. You know Junhyuk, right? Your cousin. You two used to be really close. He's getting married—can you come?]
An unexpected text message from my uncle.
Things had been quiet for a while, and I was satisfied that he wasn't bringing up money, so I'd stopped worrying about it.
But now what should I do?
I felt my mouth go dry.