It's only natural to feel discomfort when you're injured somewhere.
When there's pain with movement, it makes sense that your mobility becomes limited.
And sometimes, even before the pain, there can be functional problems.
When the injury affects a joint, it's even more concerning, no matter how minor the trauma.
If a bone breaks or a body part is lost, you permanently lose the use of that area.
Like going blind or having a foot amputated.
And beyond just the physical limitations,
It's quite heartbreaking to be insulted for temporary or permanent disabilities.
With only one eye, depth perception isn't natural, and if you spill side dishes, a slap immediately follows.
If you stumble and fall flat on the floor, kicks rain down with angry shouts.
With complaints from downstairs about what noise you're making in the middle of the night.
...Ah, that was only when Father was alive.
After that, missing an eye or a foot wasn't quite so painful.
It would be a lie to say it wasn't inconvenient, but humans are adaptable creatures.
Once I got used to it, I just lived without giving it much thought.
But today, I'm thinking that sometimes being injured and bedridden might not be so bad.
Because Gabi is doing absolutely everything for me.
"Our national health insurance is really good. I got the receipt from the billing department, and it's much less than what it should have been. Well, the person who caused the accident will probably compensate for that anyway."
"I know. I'm really benefiting from the insurance. Being injured is actually profitable."
"...No, Noel. Profitable? No matter how you look at it, this seems like a loss."
"Gabi goes to the billing department for me and even feeds me—that's profitable."
"I could do those things even if you weren't injured."
"Ahaha, I guess so."
When I say she does everything, it's not an exaggeration—it's literal.
She started feeding me after seeing me drop food while trying to scoop it with a spoon.
I suppose I needed an adjustment period after going from two eyes back to one.
For Gabi, this was an opportunity to treat me like a baby.
Somehow, after abruptly stopping our marriage game, she's now acting like I'm a child.
I wonder if she's trying to show me what real baby treatment is like since I didn't properly indulge her then.
Not content with just that, she immediately picks me up whenever I try to go somewhere.
Even though the wheelchair can move forward and backward with the push of a button, and turning is easy,
She insists on pushing the wheelchair herself.
Sure, up to that point, it could be seen as caring for a friend who had an accident.
But should I also overlook her helping me shower because we're friends?
Well, we are quite comfortable with each other.
We've been together since childhood, seeing each other grow up, except for our infant years.
Actually, we have seen each other's baby pictures in albums.
In that context, bathing together would never be considered between opposite sexes, but it's perfectly acceptable between people of the same gender.
So maybe it's fine that she lathers soap on my body and rinses off the bubbles until they squeak.
But that's something you can brush off as a joke once or twice.
While it made sense in the hospital, Gabi was still doing it now that we were home.
The doctor clearly said that although the surgery on my eye was unsuccessful, I hadn't suffered any other health issues, so there was nothing to worry about.
Honestly, it is convenient having Gabi do everything for me.
But I'm not actually a baby.
When such care continues to the point of being burdensome, it becomes uncomfortable.
So I finally had to carefully bring it up with Gabi.
"Gabi, it's really convenient thanks to you, but you don't need to take care of me this much. I can do more than this on my own."
I'm grateful for the convenience, truly.
But the disconnect between body and mind comes from Gabi's excessive kindness.
I need to carefully let her know that I don't need more nursing.
No matter how comfortable I am, if it's troublesome for Gabi, I can't enjoy it.
"Yeah, I thought you might say that. But I don't want to stop."
But Gabi's response was something I could hardly imagine coming from her.
Even if she didn't accept what I said,
I expected her to at least say indirectly that I still needed her protection or care.
"Um... Gabi. When you're not around, I'll have to eat and bathe by myself anyway. Shouldn't I start getting used to doing things on my own? Of course, I was used to doing things alone for quite a while, so I'll probably adjust quickly. But if you take care of everything, I might get too comfortable and become dependent."
So I tried to persuade her carefully.
The smile gradually disappeared from Gabi's face.
"I know, I wish I didn't have to leave your side either. If I could, I'd just keep you at our house and stay together all the time. Unfortunately, I'm not some chaebol heir, so I have to keep studying and think about getting a job later, which means I can't do that."
"Oh, um. You mean like winning the lottery and living an easy life, right? I also think it would be nice to not work and just relax at home without money worries. Though I'm already closer to that than most people since I can earn money through internet broadcasts..."
"That's not what I'm talking about."
I thought she was just complaining and didn't take it seriously.
But it seems something was genuinely bothering her, as she suddenly became serious and sat down in front of me.
Even though when we talk, I'm always in the chair and Gabi is on my bed.
So the setup wasn't much different.
But there was something about the aura emanating from Gabi.
I was unconsciously intimidated by her serious expression.
She spoke to me calmly but firmly.
"Noel, I've been watching you consistently, and I think you're mistaken about seeing yourself objectively. In reality, you're just being extremely hard on yourself."
"Well, it is self-discipline, but isn't some self-objectification or self-feedback necessary?"
"Maybe for gaming it would be fine. I don't know much about the psychology of professional gamers, so I might have accepted that. But when you so easily throw yourself into danger to save someone and then talk about it being profitable, I realized something. Noel, you're too harsh on yourself."
"No, I wouldn't go so far as to say harsh..."
Hmm, it didn't seem that serious to me.
But Gabi was so earnest that I couldn't offer any real excuse.
Have I been harsh on myself?
In gaming, yes, because that's the nature of the profession.
But in everyday life, have I been pushing myself... yes, I have.
Looking back, because of how my father used to berate me, I developed a habit.
Whenever something went wrong, I felt like it was all my fault.
But my father is already dead.
This habit of blaming myself is, in fact, my own fault.
I choose to continue pushing myself,
Even in situations where there's no need to.
That's Gabi for you.
She can point out things I wasn't even aware of and speak so decisively.
Even though we're quite close, she must have been paying a lot of attention to me to catch this.
And this conversation couldn't have happened just by noticing it.
She could have just thought, "Oh, that's how Noel is."
She could have let it go, but instead, she's speaking seriously because she wants what's best for me.
And Gabi's candid words didn't end there.
"Most people value their own lives the most. Even when trying to save others, they first ensure their own safety before reaching out. Those who throw themselves into danger to save others do so unconsciously, following their beliefs. But you said you calculated it. That means next time something like this happens, you'll again put your safety on the scale and make that calculation so lightly."
"No, well... I do place a high value on my life. I wouldn't gamble with my life, or run into the road to get a ball that children were playing with. I'm not that lacking in judgment."
"Yes, I thought so. In the end, you're not saying you won't do it again. So, Noel, be mine."
"Huh...?"
To think that would be the conclusion of her candid speech.
I wondered if I had misheard or misinterpreted.
As I stared blankly at Gabi's face, she continued to confront me with the same serious expression.
"That's right. Why should I be the only one worrying? Someone is anxious about you every day, afraid something might happen to you. Do you think you can just throw yourself into danger so easily? Do you know how my heart sank when you got hurt like that?"
"Um, sorry..."
"This probably didn't occur to you because we're just friends. So let's just date. I want you to know that if you get hurt, my heart will be torn apart. When you measure your worth, put my feelings on the scale too."
I hadn't misheard.
That was even more shocking, and I could only open and close my mouth without giving a proper response.